Page 53 of Be With Me

What the hell did that even mean, anyway? How the fuck did anyone get better from this?

Willow was worried about me. She wanted to call our parents. Maybe have them come up. But after I all but threatened to disappear out of her life if she did, she finally relented. I would call them when I was ready, and not a damn minute before. My foster mom, especially, would feel guilty about all of this. I didn’t want that on her. She was a great mom. It wasn’t her fault I’d turned out like this. I’d probably be even worse if it wasn’t for her and my dad.

When that plan didn’t work, Willow wanted me to come stay with her. I shut that one down real quick. Snickers and I were just fine here on our own. We’d managed to survive this long, and I didn’t need my big sister hovering over me all of the time. I needed the solitude of my own home.

So, I could stare at the walls in peace.

I fell into a routine. School three times a week. Therapy twice a week on my off days. Check ins with my sister every night. Or, at least, every night I was me. On the nights I wasn’t me and didn’t call Willow by the specified time, she would call my phone and figure out where I was. We shopped for groceries together on the weekends. Sometimes, I woke up on Monday morning with a fridge full of oranges and little else.

I went through it all on automatic pilot.

On the advice of Dr. Bord, I left my alters notes, trying to open the lines of communication between us. I asked them to fill me in on what happened and where we went and what we did when someone else was “fronting”, so I wasn’t waking up in strange places in a panic because I’d just lost three or four days. Reminders to pay the fucking bills. But mostly, to make sure Snickers was fed and let out. I wrote down his routine, and my schedule with school and therapy. I applied for aid to help me stay afloat while I made it through school.

And I survived.

I didn’t want to, but I did.

Willow popped over every few days to check on me, despite the nightly phone calls. I didn’t mind that much. It was better than having her over my shoulder twenty-four/seven and I knew she was just worried.

“So, what are you going to do about school?”

We were on the couch, watching some bullshit television show, neither of us really paying any attention to it. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you going to be able to graduate with all of this?”

All of thismeaning me and my uninvited roomies inside my head.

“The same thing I’ve been doing. I actually haven’t missed that many classes, and Dr. Bord says things will get easier once we all learn to communicate. I could even grow to like having my alters around.”

Willow poked me in the gut. “Well, I can tell Tony hasn’t been around lately. Your lack of gym time is showing.”

I laughed. Actually laughed. I went to the gym regularly to lift, but she was right. Apparently, his boxing regime added a little something to my workout routine.

“It’s good to see you smile again, Ty.”

It felt good to smile again.

I was ready to get better.

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