Page 6 of Forget About Me

“Whoa. Why was it wrong?”

“I took advantage of you. You were??—?”

“Iaskedyou to have sex with me, Ben. And I’m eighteen, in case you forgot.”

He drops his forehead to the steering wheel.

I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “I guess… if you weren’t into it, that’s a whole other thing. Which I get; I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing and”?—I gesture to my lumpy thighs and belly—?“I’m sure this isn’t the sexiest body you’ve ever seen.”

His eyes fly to mine, and he shakes his head. “No, Lucy. That is not it. You are… you’re beautiful.”

Anger, confusion and shame compete for top-dog status. Anger wins. “Then what the hell? Why have you been ignoring me? I thought you thought the sex was terrible but you were afraid to tell me!”

“That wasn’t it.” He faces front again, holding that steering wheel like the car might take off on its own if he lets go. “It was so good I didn’t think I could be near you without touching you.” His voice is so growly and low I can barely catch the words, but his intent is loud and clear. “Like right now. I just want to climb in the back and get naked with you.”

I check out the back of his van. “Too bad it’s full of cabinets, ‘cause I’d be up for that.”

He looks at me, blinking slowly.

“Ben, come on! I had an orgasm my first time out. Don’t you think I’d want to do it again?”

He’s looking at me with such shock that it’s almost funny. “You don’t feel guilty?”

“No, that’s Catholic bullshit. I do not have aFear of Flying,if you know what I mean.”

He looks even more confused.

“It’s a book? By Erica Jong? I’ll lend it to you. I got it from Susan. Her mom lets her read all these cool books.The Sensuous Woman. Our Bodies, Our Selves. The Joy of Sex.I’ve been doing research.”

His head moves slowly side to side. “So… you want to… do it again?”

“Have sex?”

He nods.

I smack him on the chest. “Duh! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Arf!”

“Agh!” My eyes pop open. A familiar scent brings me crashing back to the present. “Oh. Thanks for the poop, buddy.”

I shake my head, still hazy with memories, as I collect a sample. It’s hard to believe that foul-mouthed, forward girl was actually me. It’s like the summer I was eighteen is a chapter from somebody else’s story. I think of that girl as Bad Lucy, but I was so free, so confident, so… sexy, even. It wasn’t just the sex, though there was a lot of that. We had so many silly, stupid jokes. All the songs in every mixtape I made for him—for us—meant something to me because I listened with him.

Now, instead of dreams of college and being a vet, or of the next time Ben would make my body shudder with pleasure, my daydreams these days are filled with to-do lists. Get to the store after work, make sure my younger brothers Sal and Vinnie are on top of their schoolwork, ask my dad if he ever got his car inspected, take my mom’s suits to the dry cleaner’s. It’s not like I’m my family’s version of Cinderella. I like taking care of them. It makes me feel like I’m a better person. That pleasure junkie I used to be caused a lot of people a lot of pain. And one unrecoverable loss. Things have been better since I got her under control. For everyone.

And Ben? Ours was probably just one of many sexual flings for him. I’m over him, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a little revenge by making him pay for a huge cartful of supplies at the pet store.

I look down at the dog as I open the back door. “Good boy. You did your job. You did your business, and I’ve got my head on straight. Thank you.”

Pat Benatar’s right. I’m no martyr, and there’s no way Ben Porter and I can be loversorfriends ever again.

CHAPTER THREE

“Our Lips Are Sealed” - The Go-Go's

Lucy’s May the Force Be With You Mixtape, Song #7

BEN

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