Page 85 of Forget About Me

I slide over a chart Kate helped me create. “There’s been a forty percent increase of first-time visits to the practice during the past six weeks. Sixty-nine percent of those were clients of mine.”

Giving her a moment to scan the visuals, I take a breath and check my notes. When she looks up, I continue. “If my training facility were close by, I could continue to bring in new patients as well as have a steady paycheck with benefits.” Smiling, I take a moment before going on. I’m not so sure about this next bit. “Researching available buildings within a two-mile radius, I was surprised to find that the owner of the old laundromat next door is the same corporation that owns this practice.” I’d been under the impression Dr. Morrissey purchased the practice from her older partner when he retired. “I plan to contact the corporation, work out a lease with them for the building and then do a quick rehab so I can use it as a training facility.”

My boss cuts in. “The corporation is me.” She waves a hand at my obvious confusion. “My best friend is a lawyer. When I decided to buy the practice, she advised me to create an LLC. I bought the laundromat when I had a windfall, thinking it could be a grooming spot.” She sits back in her chair and crosses her arms. “I just ran out of time and funds to do that.” She nods slowly. “Okay. Let’s talk. I’m assuming you have more numbers in that stack of paper you’ve got there?”

“Yes, indeed I do.”

Thankful for Kate’s help in preparing for this meeting, I hand over my detailed proposal, and we work through it. By the time we’re done, we have a tentative plan for splitting costs, turning the laundromat into a groomingandtraining facility and moving forward with a partnership.

The only thing that could make this day better would be sharing it with someone important to me. Someone who makes my soul sing but who can also make me so angry that I can’t be in the same room with him.

That odd priest said something about anger burning out the old to make room for the new.A cleansing fire leaving room for growth. If handled skillfully.

I just wish I knew where to obtain such a skill.

Heading home after my evening appointments, I almost turn down Ben’s street instead of my own. I miss him. I miss that glorious body, I miss laughing with him, I miss telling him all about my day, I miss falling asleep next to him and most of all, I miss waking up to those gorgeous green eyes smiling at me.

I love him. I always will. I’m still angry, but I could just march down the path between our yards and work things out with him.

As I park in front of my house, though, I realize something.

A lot of the things I yelled at him on my way out the door are true.

I haven’t actually been living my life for the past seven years. I’ve been hiding from it, serving an endless penance, handed down not by God but by myself. Talk about hubris.

My head drops onto the steering wheel. I’m so full of so many different feelings I can’t move. I might be able to have a career that I’m passionate about, that I could potentially make a decent living from. But what if I screw up? What if everyone finds out I really have no idea what I’m doing? I’ve read books and rented every available video on animal training, but mostly I go on instinct. What if that fails? What if I make a mistake and someone gets hurt?

Rolling my forehead back and forth, I take in a shuddery breath. All I know is I can’t go back to how things were before Ben came back and turned my life upside down. To that colorless circle of work and errands. Whatever I have to do, I’m going to start my own life. Once I’m on my own two feet, I’ll figure out how to work things out with Ben.

Twisting around to grab my bag from the passenger seat, turn back to open the door and scream at the sight of my brother’s face looming in the window.

“Jesus Christ, you scared the crap out of me!”

When I don’t open the door, Sal does it for me. “I was wondering what the heck you were doing there. At first I thought maybe you’d passed out or something. But your lips were moving. Were you talking to yourself?”

Fuck.Between my dirty windows and the ebbing twilight, Sal looked like Tony. Hauling myself out of the car, I mutter, “I’m losing it.”

Then everything goes black.

“Whoa there, Nelly.” Sal catches my elbow. “What is the matter with you?”

Grabbing the roof of the car with my free hand, I close my eyes. It doesn’t help. “I’m just dizzy. I think…” I scan through my busy day. “I think I forgot to eat today.”

“Man. I could never do that.” He puts an arm around my shoulders, tugs me in close and takes my enormous bag. After closing the car door, he guides me toward the house. When did he get so big? No wonder I thought he was Tony.

“There’s plenty of minestrone. We ate a couple hours ago, but I’m hungry again. I’ll eat with you.”

Before I know it, I’m sitting at the kitchen table, Sal’s chatting away about his day and I’m staring at an empty bowl of soup I don’t remember eating. A warm hand rests on the center of my back, relaxing muscles I didn’t know were tense. “Sal said you almost fainted out front because you’d forgotten to eat.” My mom frowns. “Are you taking care of yourself?”

I shake my head, suddenly exhausted. “Probably not.”

Without being asked, Sal takes both of our bowls to the sink. As soon as he disappears down the hall, the floodgates open. Forehead on my hands, my mom’s hand on my back, I cry so many feelings I can’t even name them all.

When I finally sit back in the chair, I’m empty of everything but snot. My mom sets a box of tissues next to me, and I go through so many I make a mountain of Kleenex wads, the sight of which has me laughing hysterically until I’m hiccuping. Shaking my head, I mumble, “It’s official. I’ve gone nuts.”

My mom sighs, but she’s smiling as she hands me a glass of water. “No, my girl. You’re just living again. Coming out of a cocoon is a lot of work.” She squeezes my forearm. “My beautiful butterfly.”

I grab the last tissue from the box, cover my face with it and groan. “I think maybe I’m a moth, like one of those ones that are so stupid they just fly into the porch light over and over again.”

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