Page 101 of What I'm Looking For

My heart skips a beat. “So, she took the job with the company in Philly?”

“Yeah. She’s all excited about it, even though it’s a huge pay cut, which I think is nuts, but she’s all hyped up about how this work will be so much more meaningful, blah blah blah. It sucks to lose her. She’s good. She heads down there Monday.”

So Kate got the job. I figured she would, but the reality’s still a blow. “Good for her. I hope that works out.”

Somehow, I manage to ask Jay about the missing check and even entertain Steve’s suggestions on how to grow my savings. As if I had any.

Footage of last night’s Red Sox game on the television over the bar diverts them to sports talk. After a few minutes of that, I excuse myself to fill a drink order. I keep myself busy until the end of my shift, sealing off my heart and mind from thoughts of Kate.

Late that night, finally home after a long rehearsal, I’m on my hands and knees searching behind my desk until I find Kate’s crumpled letter nestled among the dust bunnies. I might never see her again, but I need to read her words. As I smooth out the wrinkled paper, my eyes catch on the phrase, “And I feel a lot when I kiss you.”

Immediately I’m back to the first kiss we shared out at Walden Pond. I kissed her because I wanted to change the expression on her face, the insecurity I saw there. When our lips touched, I was totally blindsided by the passion that sparked between us. I wanted to devour her then, melt into her, possess her. All of those things at once.

I still do, dammit.

Should I reach out to her before she leaves? Apologize? See if she’ll give us another chance? My heart races with hope.

And then it stalls.

She’s moving.

I trace the curves and loops of her handwriting. Do I have the courage to risk my heart? If we try again, odds are I’ll fall for her completely.

If I haven’t already.

Don’t think. Just feel.

Opening my desk drawer, I find a pad of paper, take a deep breath, and bleed my heart onto the page.

Chapter27

BEEP. Monday, 7:04 a.m.

Kate, Roland would like to see you in his office as soon as possible.

KATE

Heading to Roland’s office after the morning meeting, I employ all my new tactics to keep my confidence as well as my chin high. I’m not worried anymore about what Roland or anyone at Rhodes Wahler thinks of me, but I don’t want to burn bridges either.

Gail actually has an expression on her face when I approach her desk. Before I can ask if Roland can see me, she crooks a finger at me. When I step closer, she smiles. “I’ll miss you, Kate.”

“Thank you, Gail. I’ll miss you, too.”

She nods. “You can go in.”

I knock on his door, waiting for his invitation to open it. On his “Enter,” I walk in and dive into my monologue before he can speak. “Thank you, Roland, for the excellent recommendation. I truly appreciate it. Almost as much as I appreciate your mentorship. I hope you won’t take my leaving personally. I just couldn’t pass up this opportunity to do work that’s more aligned with my goals.”And values, I’d like to add, but that might be rude.

He nods slowly and clears his throat. “I have to admit the call came out of the blue, and I am a bit frustrated to have brought you along so far only to lose you. But at least it’s not to a competitor.” Though his smile isn’t quite genuine, I’ll take it.

I reach for his hand and shake it with as much strength as I can muster. “Thank you again, sir. For everything. As for the transition?…?”

He fiddles with the papers on his desk. “Why don’t you take the next two days to fill Mark Johnson and Steven Williams in on your lists?”

A little surprised that he wants me to wrap things up so quickly, I say, “Will do,” and make my exit.

* * *

Late Wednesday afternoon,after doing an idiot check to make sure I’ve packed up all my personal items, I sweep a hand across the pristine desk. I occupied this office for a relatively short time, but I’ll still miss it. After fitting the lid on the cardboard banker’s box and slinging my bag over my shoulder, I head for the back elevator. I’ve said my goodbyes to the people I care about.

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