Page 56 of What I'm Looking For

XXOO Kate

p.s. I had a really good time this weekend

By Wednesday, I’m drowning. It feels like Gail just keeps showing up at my cubicle with requests from Roland. His surgery went well, but being stuck in the hospital for recovery has somehow made him more demanding.

Thank goodness for Will-breathing, as I’ve come to call it. That and the fact that I don’t have the energy to get nervous has made standing up at morning meetings a breeze. Maybe the fact that Roland isn’t in the back judging my performance makes it easier too.

My phone buzzes and as I reach for it, my elbow knocks over a pile of 10Ks for the technology companies I’m suddenly responsible for. “Shit.” I’ve done ad hoc research on them in the past year, but now Roland needs me to cover meetings with execs. Tucking the receiver between my ear and shoulder, I push the button with the blinking light. “Hello?”

“You sound worse than I do.”

“Oh, good morning, Roland. Sorry, I just dropped something on my foot. Hope that means you’re feeling better.”

“I am, mostly, but they’ve still got me chained to this damned bed. Are you all set for your meetings at Lotus and DEC?”

Grabbing the piles of reports on the Cambridge software company and the mini-computer manufacturer located somewhere west of Boston, I say, “I will be.”

“Excellent. I’m particularly concerned with how DEC will stay relevant with companies in Japan entering the microcomputer market. And I’ve heard that Lotus is adding daycare to its benefits. I’m not convinced that’s a good investment.”

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me, but only numbers will convince Roland. “I will check into those, as well as the lawsuits Lotus is embroiled in.”

“Good idea. Now, where are we with Chase Mills?”

Ugh. I wasn’t prepared for this. I have to scramble to find my notes, buried somewhere under the printouts sprouting like Tribbles on my desk. “Um, their projections all look great on paper, but honestly, I’m concerned about what’ll happen to the town when they move all these jobs overseas.”

“What has that got to do with their bottom line?”

“Well, directly, nothing. It’s just that I feel bad recommending?—”

“Katherine. You cannot let sentimentality creep into your analyses. Ever. This is the way the world is headed. Our responsibility is to stockholders, not to every sad sack who can’t manage to pull himself up by his own bootstraps when the ground shifts from under him. If you don’t make this recommendation, someone else will. And I mean someone else from our offices. Do I make myself clear?”

I power through the rest of the call with Roland. By the end of the day, I have my notes ready recommending Chase Mills as a strong buy for tomorrow’s morning meeting. But the whole thing literally makes me sick to my stomach.

And it makes me wish I could go home and complain to Will about it. He’d understand my point of view, though he might not be happy that I followed orders like a good little soldier instead of going rogue and doing what’s right.

* * *

The next daywhen I return from a late-morning meeting with the CFO of Lotus, there’s a While You Were Out message resting on my phone asking me to call Gail. When I do, she says she’ll meet me at my cubicle in ten minutes. As usual, no hints from her. I could’ve won the lottery or I could be fired, and she’d deliver the news in the same monotone.

She shows up exactly ten minutes later and tells me to gather all my personal items and follow her. I cannot believe it. I did what Roland wanted. I recommended Chase Mills even though it felt like I sold a little chunk of my soul in the process, and now I’m getting the boot?

Following her blindly, willing the tears to stay inside my eyeballs, I almost run into her when she stops abruptly to unlock a door. When she steps back and gestures inside the office, I just stare at her.

She holds up the key.

I stare at it.

“Kate.” She reaches in to turn on the lights. “This is your new office.”

“My… what?”

She points to the nameplate next to the door, which readsKatherine Bishop ~ Associate Equity Analyst.

“I’m not a junior anymore?”

Gail coughs out what might be considered a laugh if it were anyone else. “No, you’re not a junior anymore. I’ll have someone move the rest of your things shortly.” She looks at her watch. “I have a messenger scheduled to make a delivery to Roland at noon. Will you have your notes from the Lotus meeting ready to go by then?”

I’m still trying to catch up, but I nod before stumbling into the office.

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