Page 86 of What I'm Looking For

“Yep.”

My mother, one aunt, three cousins and now my sister have all found me over the course of the evening, basically anytime I’ve had a moment alone—a feat, since Steve’s stuck pretty close all night—and every single woman has said how nice my date and I look together. Also, that he seems to come from good people, for a northerner. Also, what a great dancer he is.

He is a good dancer, I’ll give him that. To my surprise, I’ve actually had fun tonight. Since we’ve been spending so much time traveling together, things are easy between us. We had a good-natured argument over dinner about the pros and cons of trickle-down economics, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. In fact, he mentioned a concept called microfinance that I’ve never heard of but definitely want to research further.

Of course, my parents love him. And agree with him on Reagan’s magical thinking.

He’s smarter than I thought. Rather, he has smarts that I can appreciate, that I hadn’t allowed for. People smarts. He always knows the right thing to say.

But I am just not attracted to him. He’s handsome, but that heart-pounding, breath-catching thing that happens whenever Will touches me or looks at me a certain way or just walks in the room? It’s not there. I miss Will. In a way that literally hurts. I ache for his mouth next to my ear, making me shiver.

“Are you cold? You need my jacket?”

The voice in my ear isn’t Will’s, unfortunately. Steve must’ve worn Aunt Mary out.

“Oh, no. I’m fine, thanks.” I slip my feet back into the evil heels as he sits down on my other side.

Laura turns toward him like a flower to sunlight. “So, Steve, any good vacation plans this summer?”

“Nothing exciting. I’m meeting some college friends for a week on the Vineyard. That’s always fun.” He lights a cigarette and sips his drink, which looks exactly like the one Will made me oh so long ago. “You should come down, Kate.”

“Oh.” I blink my way back from memories of Will dancing behind his bar. “Uh, thanks. I don’t know if I can take any more time off, though.”

Laura waves that down. “Why not? Have you had a vacation besides this one?” She leans in even closer, like she’s about to share a state secret. “Listen, you’ve got to have fun before you start having kids because believe me, once you do, your time is not your own.”

She cranes her neck to scan the room, seeming to remember that her kids are out there somewhere. “Dang it. Mikey’s got the cake knife.” She pushes herself away from the table. “I guess I’d better wrestle it away from him.”

Steve stretches his arm across my chair back, surveying the room. “Your family’s great.”

“Oh, thanks. They can be overwhelming.” I finish off what my sister left in my glass of wine. “But you’re handling it with aplomb. Dancing with Aunt Mary. That earned you some serious brownie points. I think you might get front row for the garter toss.”

“Score.” He half laughs, putting out his cigarette. “So, do you want to get some air?”

“Uh, sure.” I could use a break from the crowd. “It’s actually quite pretty out on the deck.”

He stands and gestures for me to lead the way. “After you.”

As we step through the French doors, a welcome breeze greets us. So many good childhood memories ride the sounds of water lapping the shore, even the scents of mud and fish.

I take in a deep breath. I do love it here.

Suddenly, Steve’s hand is on my shoulder and he’s plastered to my back, nuzzling my neck. “You are really quite stunning in this dress, you know. I bet you’d be pretty damn hot out of it.”

I freeze. I don’t want this.

Except.

Maybe Alice is right? Maybe I just need to get out there, have fun? Maybe have sex just to have sex?

Before the maybe litany ends, Steve’s hands cup my jaw and his mouth covers mine.

I don’t stop him. I don’t knowwhatto do. I didn’t really think I was his type. I did kind of lead him on, flirted with him. Danced with him all night. Maybe he expects me to sleep with him? But Will and I aren’t really broken up. This feels wrong.

I step back to break the kiss, stumbling a little. “Listen, I?…”

He takes my elbow to steady me, but when I flinch, he releases it. “Not a good bet?”

“No. I mean, you’re a great fake date.” I flatten my palms against my sides. “But… I think I’m taken.”

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