Page 79 of What I'm Looking For

“I’m going to pay you back for the ticket,” I call.

“It’s fine.”

She doesn’t return.

“It’s not fine. I mean, you’re right, it’s not exactly my fault.” I find her just staring at herself in the mirror. “But I should’ve checked with them about the schedule first. When I talked to the AD, he said this happens all the time, that you should never make plans right after a shoot is supposed to wrap because a schedule is never truly final until you’ve shot the thing.”

She turns on the tap and just watches the water flow. “But you didn’t know.” Abruptly, she turns off the water and slips past me.

“I should have. And I don’t like that you’re paying for it. So I will pay you back.”

She circles the living room, hands flapping at her sides. “Will, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does. It matters to me.”

She swats that thought away and flops heavily onto the couch, eyes on the ceiling. “But that’s just stupid.”

I struggle to keep my voice even. “It’s stupid that I don’t want to be in your debt?”

“It’s stupid to worry about it. I really don’t care.” She closes her eyes and melts into the cushions, her face a mask. Which makes me even madder somehow.

“But that’s the thing. I do.” I head back toward the bedroom. I need to calm down. “And if you don’t get that… then—I don’t know.”

“What?” she calls. “You don’t know what we’re doing here? I don’t either.” A pout colors her voice. “I thought we were dating. I was excited about this weekend together.”

“Well, I’m sorry.” I press a hand into a wall. “I’ve tried to tell you that I can’t be depended on like that. I don’t have control over my schedule, and just like I thought, adding films and commercials makes it worse. I’m sorry I can’t be the guy who’s around when you need him to be, but I’ve been clear about that from the beginning.”

“I know.” She folds her arms over her face, obviously fighting tears. “Have I ever complained that I only get to see you when you have time? I was just?…” She groans. “I was looking forward to this.”

I puff out a breath of frustration. “It’s not exactly like you have a wide-open schedule, either.”

Her shoulders droop like she’s surrendering. “I know. It’s why I haven’t wanted to get involved with anyone.”

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t be dating.”

Before I can soften my words or take them back, she says, “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

I’m suspended in the doorway, my head hanging between my shoulders. “At least we agree on that.” And then I regret saying that too.

“Listen.” I move to the side of the couch but stop short of touching her. “Can we maybe go back to how we were before this whole wedding thing happened? I really am sorry that I’m letting you down. But to be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to having to pretend in front of your family that?—”

She interrupts me, speaking to the coffee table. “That we were more serious than we are? Then why did you offer to go with me?”

“No.” I’m suddenly so tired I can’t even hold up the weight of my head. “It’s not that. Well, I mean, maybe. A little.”

“Because the dating thing is not going to work for us,” she says, her voice almost inaudible.

“Well, yes, I do have a hard time picturing it working beyond?…” I trail off, not sure how to finish the sentence.

After a few uncomfortable beats of silence, I consciously release my jaw on a sigh. “You know we can’t have a real relationship. We’ve talked about it. This is just going to happen over and over again.” I hate saying these things out loud but we probably need to face the truth. “But what I was going to say is that I didn’t want to have to pretend to fit in to your parents’ wealthy crowd. You should take Steve. He’d fit in.”

She finally meets my gaze. “What are you talking about?”

“Kate.” Is she really so naïve? “I don’t have a normal job. I bartend part-time, and I act in plays. I probably make a tenth of what you do a year. Your parents aren’t going to be happy that you’re dating a guy like me.”

“But I’m happy when I’m with you.” Her hands flatten at her sides, pressing into the couch. “That other stuff doesn’t matter.”

I bark out a dry laugh. “You didn’t even want to call your mom to say you don’t have a date to the wedding. You seriously think you’re going to talk them into letting you be with a starving actor?”

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