Page 104 of You Spin Me

“Cal Alonso?”

Hands on hips, she narrows her eyes at me. “Say it like you say it on the radio.”

A laugh puffs past my lips, but I obey. “This is Callihan, coming at you from 101.7 WBAR.”

There are tears in her eyes as she grabs my hand and pulls me toward a door I was never allowed to pass through as a kid. We may have had wheelchair races in the halls and played hide-and-seek everywhere else, but the nurses’ break room was strictly off-limits. When we burst inside, several faces turn our way, some I recognize. “People, it’s Cal. Cal Alonso.”

Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with hugs and introductions and exclamations. Apparently, I’ve got loyal fans here in the burn unit.

At some point, Nurse Angie must realize that I’m probably not here for an impromptu reunion. “Obviously, we’re happy to see you, but—” She breaks off to study my face. “What happened?”

“I brought my… my girlfriend to the ER.” Panic rises again. People lose their lives here. I cannot lose Jess. “But after I moved my car, they wouldn’t tell me where she was. I wanted to see if you could help me find out what’s going on with her.”

Nurses run this place, so it doesn’t take long for them to find out where Jessica is. Before giving me directions to her room, however, I have to promise to come back. “It’d mean the world for these kids to see you, to see how successful you are, despite…”

For once, Nurse Angie is speechless.

“Despite looking like they do?”

She nods curtly.

Being here isn’t easy—halls I played in and rooms I suffered in—but I made it through once, so I guess I can do it again. “I’ll try.”

“I’m here till five a.m. Check in before you leave so I know she’s okay?”

After getting a nod from me, she kisses me on the cheek—the left cheek—before sending me on my way.

Fifteen minutes later,I find the nurse’s station in the renal unit, which does not seem like a good place for Jess to have landed. When I give my name, the RN in charge doesn’t hesitate to take me to her, so I send up a quick thanks to Angie. Once things settle down, I will go back and see what I can do to help.

But when I see Jess, all hope for a happy ending to this story withers. She’s dwarfed by the hospital bed. Machines with tubes and wires coming and going surround her—are possibly keeping her alive. I’ve about worked up the courage to get closer to her when someone grabs me by the elbow to pull me back into the hall.

I turn to protest, to tell whoever it is that I have permission to be here, but Jess’s sister beats me to the punch. “How could you not know she was sick?”

“I… she didn’t seem—I mean, she was tired, but her schedule was pretty crazy. It wasn’t until today?—”

“Are you sleeping with her?”

Jess is a grown woman, but her sister’s tone makes me feel like I’ve done something really bad. “Do you have a problem with that? It was completely consensual.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Jabbing a finger in the direction of the room where her sister lies, her life possibly in danger, she hisses, “How could you sleep next to that body and not know that she’s dangerously underweight?”

“Is she going to die? What is wrong with her?”

Hands on hips, Esther swerves into doctor mode. “She has a severe kidney infection, which is being treated by intravenous antibiotics. She’s also receiving much-needed nutrition via her veins because it looks like my sister has been starving herself again.”

Starving herself. Again.The words twist in my gut—how did I not know this? How did I not notice? “But she’s going to be okay?”

“It depends on what you mean by okay. Yes, she will survive this infection. But the fact that she’s anorexic again is a major problem.”

Stepping back, I stumble into a chair and let myself fall into it since I don’t think I can hold myself up and think at the same time.

Esther stands in judgement over me. “She’s practically skin and bones. How could you not notice?”

“Well, let’s see.” Pulling my hoodie down, I point to my scars. “There are more where these came from. The ones you can’t see are much worse. Because of that, I’ve only been naked with a handful of women, so I’m no expert on women’s bodies.” Buttons pushed, I can’t help but add, “Nor am I a doctor like you.”

The woman looks at me like I’m a piece of dog crap on her shoe. “When she was fifteen and was dancing seriously while struggling with this eating disorder, she almost starved herself to death. Remember Karen Carpenter? That’s what happened to her. If Jess doesn’t make some major changes to her life, she won’t survive either.”

Shame washes over me, but it’s rage—at Esther, at doctors and their failures, at Jess for hurting herself, but mostly at myself for not being able to protect her—that has me on my feet and heading for the exit.

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