Page 9 of You Spin Me

Instead of me.

“Hey, Jess! Are you called back for Prudence too?”

“I am.” I nod, trying not to let my disappointment show. Rhonda is uber-talented. Could she possibly do this show as well asHamlet? Or would she turn downHamletto do this?

“Miles directed me in a musical over the summer,” she continues. “He’s really great to work with.”

Rhonda’s sweet smile and enthusiastic hug make me feel guilty. It’s not her fault I’m getting old. I put on my coat and gather my things to make a dignified exit before I say something crabby, but as I reach the door, I hear my name.

“Jess, can you hang on a sec?” Larry calls. “We’d like to read you with someone else, but he’s running late. Can you stay?”

I check my watch. “Um, sure. How long do you think? I might grab something to eat.” I don’t want to hang around and run into other potential competition.

“We just got a message that he left a shoot down in Needham, so it’ll be a good hour.”

I hike my bag back up on my shoulder. “Great. I’ll be back at noon.”

“That’ll work. Thanks for being flexible.”

“Of course.” I finish buttoning up my coat. “Good luck, Rhonda.”

“Thanks, you too!”

Not gonna be a bitch. Not going to resent her unlined face. But seriously? Why would they call her back for Prudence, who’s supposed to be a Jewish New Yorker in her thirties?

I’m too nervous to eat now. Coffee’d be even worse.

When I step outside, I’m hit with a brisk wind. Snow might be on the way. Wrapping a scarf around my neck and pulling on my hat, I head downtown. At least I don’t have to worry about my hair frizzing. It might even help. May as well get as far from Rhonda’s cherubic good looks as possible. A red runny nose and Rosanne Rosannadanna hair might be selling points.

Keeping up a brisk pace to warm up as well as walk off the nerves, I remind myself that every audition is a chance to practice my craft, whether I get the part or not. I can’t control the director’s choices; I can only control the choices I make.

Just as the biting wind has me thinking about turning back around, a softly lit shop window catches my eye. Stepping inside the cozy interior, I’m rewarded with a wide selection of tea to choose from. My hands around a steaming mug of peppermint, I sit down and breathe in the bright scent, consciously erasing my worries.

Just because I’m newly and unexpectedly unemployed, just because I lost the last role I went for, just because my life is starting to feel out of control. Doesn’t mean I have to give in to the negative obsessions that plagued me when I was a teenager.

After all, this is supposed to be fun. It’s called a play for a reason.

Hours later,by the time I drop my bag and shuck off my shoes inside my crappy little apartment, I am wrung out. But in a good way, like I’ve played through every emotion in my range, and then some.

The guy they had me wait around for was super fun to read with. Thankfully, he isn’t competing with Jack. Seriously, if they don’t hire Jack for the role of Bruce, they’re idiots. Instead, this other guy, Timothy,was up for Stuart, a therapist who sleeps with his patients. He was perfectly nice when we chatted in the lobby, but man, could he play a slimeball. Grease practically dripped out of his mouth when he talked.

Miles stopped us to give direction over and over again. At first I was worried, like we weren’t getting it right, but then it was like we had the parts and rehearsal had begun.

Yet again, it’s too cold in my apartment to take my coat off. Two calls to the super haven’t resulted in a working heater. My sister says that I wouldn’t be so cold all the time if I had more body fat. She is a pediatrician and would probably know, but what she doesn’t get is that actresses can’t be fat. Especially actresses like me with outsized knockers that make me look heavier than I am. Heading to the kitchen to make hot tea, I side-eye the blinking answering machine. It may be small, but it has the power to change my life. Or at least my plans for the next few months. Not quite ready to face the unknown, I turn on the kettle and the radio and dance my ass off while I wait for the water to boil.

Two songs later, I’ve Flashdanced myself around the apartment long enough that I can take off my coat. After I pour the hot water over a tea bag, I take a deep breath and press the play button.

BEEP. Jess, this is Esther. We’re doing the last night of Hannukah here Sunday, and the girls are really hoping you’ll be there. Gabe and Rachel are coming, and Mom and Dad of course. So we’ll see you? Call me.

Hannukah at my sister’s tomorrow. I jot that down in my calendar. Since my brother and his fiancée will be there, I can’t skip it. Good thing I thought ahead and picked up some presents for my nieces.

BEEP. Hi, this is for Jessica Abraham. I’m calling from Jay Fowler’s office. We want to bring you in for a commercial next week. I have you slotted in for Monday at noon. Please call to confirm.

Well, that’s good news. A break in the drought. And I can usually squeeze in a noon audition over my lunch break. Guess I won’t have to worry about that anymore come January.

BEEP. Hello Jessica, this is Carol from Chichester Rep. I’m happy to say that we’d like to offer you the role of Prudence in Beyond Therapy. Rehearsals begin after the new year, but please give me a call Monday to confirm and go over details. Congratulations. We’re looking forward to working with you.

Glee races through my torso. Fuck the neighbors and these paper-thin walls. I turn up the music and let my limbs celebrate this win all over the apartment.

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