Page 33 of You Spin Me

Least of all myself.

Ha-ha.I crack myself up.

But if that is how I really feel, why did I dress up that night? Maybe I should’ve worn a black dress and tights and combat boots like Becky. No makeup. Hair pulled into a ponytail.

What keeps me from going out in the world like that?

I work so hard on polishing my surface, put so much energy into hiding or camouflaging my flaws, maybe that’s all I am. Maybe there’s nothing to know beyond the shiny outside I’ve spun for myself.

Chapter9

In case anyone’s driving home late, I’ve got some songs to get you car-dancing—and to remind you to stay safe out there. First up, “Motor Crash” from the Sugarcubes. That’ll be followed by the Pogues’ “Bottle of Smoke.”

JESS

As I accelerate to get onto Route 3 for the drive home Tuesday night, I’m so thankful that the run-through at the end of tonight’s rehearsal went well. The day off at this point in rehearsals was just what we’d needed—time for everything to settle in. I think we’re almost ready for an audience. In fact, I hope we haven’t peaked too soon, because we have more than a week to go before opening.

Before I can go down that path, I turn the radio on and am rewarded with Cal’s voice. My worries about whatever it is that’s going on between us are drowned out by the tunes that keep me alert the rest of the way home. My own private DJ has me so high on life by the time I walk in my front door that I don’t care that the heat isn’t working again. After making tea and a healthy snack, I call in. Despite the fact that things were a bit awkward on the phone last night, we quickly fall back into our new getting-to-know-you routine.

“Me first,” he says as soon as he gets back from doing whatever he has to do so he can talk to me for a chunk of time. “Favorite movie? I’ll bet it’sFlashdance.”

“Are you kidding me?” I squawk. “It’s not even my favorite dance movie. That movie is one long male fantasy.”

“Okay, then. Um, how aboutFootloose?”

“That one’s problematic for me because of all the Christian stuff. Sorry if that offends.”

“Nah, not much offends me. I was raised Catholic but no one in my family believes in that god anymore. So, whatisyour favorite dance movie?”

“How much time do you have? Because, really, I have a different one for every mood.”

“I’ve cued up four songs in a row, so…take it away, J.”

“Okay, when I’m happy,Singin’ in the Rain.” Even the thought of it has me tapping out a little traveling time step.

“Did I just hear you tap-dance?”

“You did.”

“You are one talented lady. Okay, what about when you’re sad?”

“West Side Story.”

“Because Natalie Wood died?”

“Because I’ll never play that role.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not a soprano. It’s way too high for me.”

“Didn’t stop Natalie Wood.”

“Harder to fake it onstage than in a movie.”

“Good point.”

“Then when I’mreallydepressed, it’s eitherWhite NightsorTurning Point.”

---