Page 20 of Child of Mine

“And how does Henry fit into this picture? Was he involved in that… partying?”

“No, no. At least not that I know of. We met on my very last day at the network.”Metis obviously an understatement, but there’s definitely no need to go into detail. “Seeing him was a shock and brought back a lot of memories. Not happy ones, I’m afraid.”

I beg to differ. I’ve got some very happy memories from that meeting,Quinn says.

After a long pause, she says, “Will you be okay working with Henry? We are committed to him. He’s moved here from Raleigh.”

“Oh, no. I mean, yes.” Shoving the fact that it will be quite awkward to the side, I repeat, “Like I said, it isn’t him, per se, it was what he reminded me of. That time of my life. I thought I had it all packed away but seeing him… it all came rushing back. And I really don’t want my baggage to bring down the show.”Or my daughter. “What I’m saying is that I’d love to work onBoom, but I don’t want be in the spotlight. Nor would you want me to be.”

“I see.” She clears her throat. “The publicity department may be disappointed that you won’t be available for a more public role, but as an associate producer, your work would be behind the scenes. If you remember, the team of APs works with the executive producer and the director to choose ideas from the viewer letters we get. Then each AP takes on a segment or two each episode and works with the kids and the director to bring it to life.”

“On the floor with us—like you, right? Explaining the game or the recipe, or casting the plays?”

“Exactly.”

I can’t help my smile. “Back then, I thought all I wanted was to be seen. By the camera, by the audience. But in my old age—”

“Careful there, missy. I’m ten years ahead of you.”

“In this particular time of my life,” I clarify with a smile, “I believe I can use what I learned over the years in front of the camera to make things work from the other side. And I’d be very excited to try it.”

“Wonderful. Welcome to the team.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. There will be a lot of forms to fill out. But I need you to jump in as soon as possible. In fact”—papers shuffle, and she hums as if she’s scanning through them—“if you could start tomorrow, we have a production meeting first thing, after which, you can get to work sorting through the letters from kids.”

“Wow. Okay. Awesome.”

“Welcome back toBoom, Bella.”

“Thank you. I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

After I place the receiver in its cradle, I’m flooded with relief. Telling a tiny part of the truth seems to have given me a chance to support my mom while she figures out what to do about the store.

Facing Henry again feels like jumping off a cliff, but whether I work with him or not, now that I’ve found him, I have to tell him about Lilah. It’s the right thing to do.

Mind full, I need a walk before opening the shop. When I was locked away at rehab, I spent most of my time alone. Since everyone was there in secret, there was no group therapy, no sharing of stories. I’d meet with a therapist twice a day, but the rest of the time I spent walking and wrestling with the urges that had gotten me there.

I’ve always been stubborn. That was how I talked my parents into letting me audition forBoomand into moving to New York, how I succeeded as an actress. Rejection didn’t slow me down. The word “no” just made me try harder.

But it also meant I didn’t know how to put on the brakes when I needed to. So, on those long walks I decided I had to retire both Izzy’s willfulness and Quinn’s self-indulgence. I could keep Izzy’s optimism and Quinn’s savvy, but Bella needed to be much more discerning about who she would trust.

Which, after I found out I was pregnant, was essentially my mom and myself.

Even though deciding to keep and raise Lilah derailed my plans to go for a prime-time career, it was probably the best for my mental health in the long run. Who knows if rehab would’ve stuck if I’d dived right back into acting in a high-pressure situation? At Shakespeare Boston, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find fellow actors that prioritize bringing the Bard’s words to life over stirring up controversy in each other’s personal lives. My circle of trusted friends has grown. I know that Jess, Ben, and Will love and respect me for myself and my talent, not for what I could do for them.

In the process, I buried my baser urges so deep that Quinn was bored to death. I really thought I’d killed her off. After all, a big thrill these days is stopping at Herrell’s for ice cream after a long day of rehearsal.

But right now, those old personas won’t shut up. They’ve both got very strong opinions about whether, how, when, why, and where to tell Henry about Lilah.

You don’t need to tell him anything,Quinn says.He left.

You can’t deprive Lilah of her father,Izzy counters.

Hey, if you do tell him, you can get laid again!Quinn crows.

That is a huge presumption,Izzy says primly.He may not be interested.

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