Page 26 of Child of Mine

“Like you owed her money?”

“Worse. Like I ruined her life or something.”

“Sex with you is that bad, huh? Maybe she joined a nunnery afterwards.”

“I don’t think so, because she has a kid now.”

“Well, that’s some other poor bastard’s problem.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

When I don’t continue, he clears his throat and says, “You said ‘hiccup,’ so I take it you smoothed things over despite your lack of social graces?”

“I can be charming when I want to.” What I don’t say isMy charms may have worked on Izzy, but they’re falling flat with Bella.Who is married anyway.

“You keep telling yourself that. Speaking of which, I gotta go. Hot date.”

“With a barstool at a sports bar?”

“With a living, breathing woman. You should try it sometime. Check you later.” Always a bundle of energy, I hear the knock on his desk and shaking of keys before he says, “I miss you, you dipstick.”

“Miss you too, man.”

After I hang up I’m lonelier than when I picked up the phone. Time to head home and to the dog park. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m Ralph and ask a living, breathing woman out on a date. No one may be as intriguing as the one working right down the hall, but I need to find some way to leave those feelings where they belong.

In the distant past.

Chapter 6

“Last week onAs the Earth Revolves: Dena is furious with Phil for showing more affection and attention to the baby than he does to her. Later, she admits to Rona that she is jealous of the baby. Bob’s deepest secret is nearly revealed.”Soap Opera Land, June 1989

BELLA

A little over a week into my employment at WGBH, I get an odd assignment: Watch TV. Henry’s argument seems to have swayed Carol and James enough that they’ve tasked me with researching our competition. Of course, we could just get the listings from the TV guide but watching them will give me a more complete picture of what we’re dealing with.

Unfortunately, another reason I’m doing this is that we really don’t have enough letters coming in with usable ideas. I think Henry’s right on that score, too. A promo commercial might be just the thing.

I am glad Henry’s too busy to do this with me, though. I’ve avoided him since I missed the opportunity to tell him about Lilah when he apologized. The moment was there, but I just couldn’t do it. Now I don’t know how to circle back.

Like,Oh hey, remember when you told me what happened to you after we had sex that one time? Well, I forgot to tell you that my life changed in a major way too.

I have no better ideas, so I focus on the job at hand, using the remote to click through the channels, thinking that even this little device makes a big difference. Back when I was onBoom, not only were there only four or five channels to choose from, but viewers had to actually get up out of their seats and walk over to the TV to change the channel. With the clicker, it’s way too easy to move on to something else if a show drags.

It’salsoway too easy, I find, to get hooked on something you didn’t intend to watch in the first place. When my old show flashes on the screen, I’m sucked back in before I know it. I haven’t seen it for years, but people who were like family to me are right there, in rooms I practically grew up in. My sister on the show is a young mom, just like me. The father is a guy I had an affair with, on the show and in real life.

I can’t believe she went back to him,Quinn huffs.

When the episode ends, I’m hunched forward and my heart’s racing a mile a minute. After I turn off the TV, I pace around the room shaking out my hands and remind myself that I’ve left those dramas behind.

Not very far behind,Izzy says.You have secrets in real life, you know.

True, but no one’s waiting outside the doors of WGBH hoping to get a photo of me. No one’s offering me a bump or a hit or a tab to get me through the day. An ever-present bowl of candy is about as exciting as it gets at this network. Plus, at least for now, I get to go home at five o’clock instead of the wee hours of tomorrow. No wonder half the cast and crew were hooked on uppers and cocaine. We worked an inhuman schedule.

Going out afterward didn’t help,Izzy says.

But it was fu-un,Quinn sing-songs.Her life now is so bor-ring.

Speaking of which, it’s almost time to pick up my boring little girl and bring her back to our boring apartment above our boring shop.

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