“Yep.”
“Wow. That was quick.”
“Do you think? My sister’s worried about that.”
“What do I know?” I shake my head. “I am definitely no relationship expert.”
“Well, let’s take advantage of the privacy while I have it. You can follow me. It’s not far.”
“I would love to, but I haven’t seen Lilah much lately and my mom is expecting me home.”
“Okay. Then let’s talk here.” She jogs around to the passenger side and hops in the front seat. She waves around the interior of the car. “Nothing you tell me leaves this vehicle, but take it from me, keeping everything inside is no way to move forward.”
Dragging a palm over my face I groan, “I don’t know what to do. I have to figure out how to unravel all the lies I’ve been telling.”
“About?”
The kindness in Jess’s eyes tips me over the edge, and I take in a huge breath to just spill it out. “I’ve been working with the father Lilah doesn’t know she has for the past month. He didn’t know either until he saw her after the show.”
“Oh. Wow.” There’s no judgement in her tone, thankfully. “He works onBoom?”
I nod. “Yeah. I’ve lied to him, to my mom, to everyone at work, and to my daughter. I’m such a fuckup.” The clog of emotions in my throat has my nose filling, so I grab my purse and dig through till I find a tissue.
“Bella, you’ve just done the best you could.” Jess’s hand on my shoulder is as kind as her eyes and voice, but it somehow makes me feel even shittier.
“It doesn’t feel like it.” After I blow my nose, I add, “I was just trying to protect her.”
“Which is a good instinct.”
“Or was I really trying to protect myself?”
She tips her head to the side. “From what?”
“From… embarrassment? Shame? Having my mistakes plastered across the pages of gossip rags.”
“It’s understandable that you’d want to avoid that.”
“But in the process, I’ve dug myself into a hole.”
“Where you don’t trust anybody?”
I make myself meet her gaze. The warmth and acceptance I see there gives me the courage to keep going. “Not even my own mom.”
She nods slowly. “You’re trusting me now. Why?”
Good question. “Well, because…”
“Because I’ve made mistakes and you know all about them?”
Is it because I know things about her? That kind of transaction doesn’t feel right. “I hope not. I mean, that’s kind of icky.” I meet her gaze again. “I think it’s more that you set an example. You overcame your fears, so maybe I can too.”
“Okay.” She smiles, her eyes shiny. “What are you afraid of?”
“It just felt—feels—like the stakes are so high with Lilah. I didn’t want to ruin her life. But I did anyway.”
“Her life looks pretty good to me. She’s a smart, happy kid.”
Despite my worries, I have to smile as I picture Lilah’s face. “I hope so.”