Page 51 of Child of Mine

“Whatever happens, she’ll be okay. Do you believe that?”

“I want to.”

“What else do you want?”

I roll my heavy skull against the head rest. “What I really want is to go to sleep and have this all disappear.”

“Okay, fwoop.” She waves a hand in the air. “All gone.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.” I cough out a laugh and then press my palms over my eye sockets. “Ugh. WhatdoI want?”

“Seriously, if everything were to fall into place…”

“Well, I do want her to have a dad. But I want her to have a dad that stays. That she can trust.”

“I guess you can’t guarantee that, but you could make it clear to… What’s his name? The dad?”

“Hal. Henry, I mean. We both went by different nicknames when we met.”

“Which was obviously some time ago?”

“I hadn’t seen him since Lilah was… you know. Conceived.”

“And what about the two of you? Do you want to have a relationship with him?”

“I don’t know. He’s… he makes me feel things I haven’t for a long time.” Just the thought of our last encounter has me jonesing to do it again. Which is a problem.

“Nothing wrong with that. You are both adults.”

I shake my head. “The way I feel with him is out of control in a way I feel like I can’t afford.”

“Okay.” Her hands sweep invisible items off the dashboard. “Maybe put those feelings on the back burner for now.”

“I wish I could. My body just gets kind of crazy around him. Plus, I’ve got to tell my mom. Not to mention Lilah. And the people at work.”

“Is it really their business?” Jess asks, interrupting my panic spiral.

“I guess not. But Carol’s a mentor. A friend, too.”

“Let’s break it down so you don’t get totally overwhelmed. The most important person—Lilah.” She draws a circle in the air between us. “Then gradually open that up. Lilah and you.” She continues to expand the circle as she adds people. “Lilah and you and your mom. Lilah, you, your mom, and Henry. Figure out what those relationships are before you share this with anyone else.”

“That’s a good idea.” I nod, picturing us nestled like Russian dolls. It does feel a tiny bit more manageable. “I don’t know why it feels like an all-or-nothing thing. Lying, that is.”

She places a hand on my knee and squeezes it lightly. “Keeping parts of your life private isn’t lying.”

As she opens the car door, I give her wrist an impulsive squeeze. “Love you.”

Telling someone I love them isn’t habitual for me. My parents, while caring, weren’t lovey-dovey types, with each other or with me. Jess is the only girlfriend I’ve felt close enough to that the words feel true.

Jess doesn’t skip a beat, though. She just squeezes me back. “Love you too.”

I think I might actually believe her.

Chapter 11

“Last week onPrivate Hospital: Bill threatens to tell Laura the whole story because of his anger at Shelley from telling everyone his business. Identical twins Judy and Jane continue to argue bitterly, but neither Rod nor Callie can find out what’s going on between them, nor can their mother, Louanne.”Soap Opera Land, July 1989

HENRY

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