Page 53 of Child of Mine

When my mom shifts closer to me on the couch and puts her arm around me, I let her, even as part of me resists. After all, my own parents gave me a pretty sketchy template to work with. A question surfaces from that resentment and worms its way out of my mouth on a whisper. “Why did you let me go?”

The arm draped across my shoulder tenses. “Go where?”

“To New York.” I shift away so I can see her face. “You must’ve thought it was a terrible idea.”

She presses her lips together and closes her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks ten years older. “You were determined. So was your father. With your agent, it was three against one, and you all wore me down. You gave yourself a year, and honestly, I thought that’d be it, that you’d be back.”

Old grudges resurface so fast my head spins. “I was right. You didn’t believe in me.”

“That’s not it, sweetheart.” She takes my hand, and her expression softens. “If anyone could do it, you could. The odds were so slim?.” Her shoulders twitch, as if she’s shrugging off a scratchy sweater. “But you beat them.”

“And you trusted Dad to take care of me? I mean, George.” I haven’t called that man my father for years. He abdicated that title.

She nods slowly. “I did.”

“But he didn’t,” I press.

Her sigh is heavy as she says, “No, he didn’t. He had his own—”

“Parties to attend?” I ask bitterly.

“His own demons to deal with.” She takes my hand again. “Listen, sweetheart. I’ll always regret that I didn’t know what was happening sooner, that I let my own insecurities keep me from checking in more. I’m just grateful that I got there in time.” She tugs on my hand until I meet her gaze. “I didn’t protect you enough, but sometimes I worry that you’re protecting Lilah too much.”

“Protecting her from her father like I should’ve been protected from mine?”

“That’s not exactly what I meant. Your father wasn’t a danger to you, he just?—”

I swipe that thought away before she can finish it. “I don’t want to talk about him. Henry seems like a decent guy. I should’ve told him about Lilah the minute I saw him again. I was just scared.”

She shifts to face me on the couch. “Scared of what?”

I drop my gaze to my lap. “That he’d find out the truth about me and try to take her away.”

She squeezes my knee. “Being addicted is a disease, not a failing, Bella.”

“That’s not how most people see it.”

She shrugs. “That’s their problem.”

Even if she’s right, the stakes still feel way too high because Iamgoing to lose Lilah. Maybe not in court, but we’re likely to lose what she and I have. Despite all that, I have to laugh. It’s that or cry. “I’m just a selfish bitch. I don’t want to share her.”

“Every mother feels that way.” She tips her head to the side. “Except during the terrible twos.”

“Lilah never went through that.”

“She is kind of perfect. Which has a lot to do with you being such a good mom.”

“Nature or nurture. Who knows?” Worry and guilt haven’t completely left me, but I feel less overwhelmed than I did when I walked in. Then something occurs to me. “Why did you never ask about Lilah’s dad when I found out I was pregnant in the first place?”

She considers for a beat before answering. “It wasn’t my business.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t that I was too fragile? That if you pushed, I might start using again?”

She shook her head. “No. I could tell you were determined from day one to put Lilah first.” She takes in a deep breath and lets it out again. “It was something else. You were… I guess I recognized the expression on your face.”

“From something you’d seen in George?”

“Maybe.”

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