Page 92 of Child of Mine

Thankfully, a couple of moms take charge of the situation. I overhear one say to the librarian, “Poor little thing, she loves to read to the younger kids, but they’re closing the bookstore.” Another takes Lilah by the hand and steers her past her groupies to meet the librarian, who gives up her throne willingly, if not downright joyfully.

Lilah looks over the books the librarian had been preparing to read, shakes her head, and runs over to me. “I need that box.”

After I set it on the floor, she rifles through it and pulls several titles before skipping back. My mom’s smile is as proud as mine as we watch Lilah do her magic. The kids are silent, enthralled by her engaging reading style. When she asks questions afterward, the older ones shout out answers. The librarian frowns but doesn’t shush them. By book number three, she’s settled on the floor too, clapping along with the kids when Lilah finishes the last book.

I lean over and whisper to my mom, “I think Lilah just got herself a new gig.”

* * *

BELLA

Comedy of Errorsis a blast Saturday night. We play to a packed house under a moonlit sky, and I feel freer onstage than I have since… well, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. Adriana has cracked something open in me the way no character ever has. Playing Helena last summer was a success, but she ended up being far too similar to Quinn. Her machinations only created pain, primarily for herself. A good life lesson, but no fun.

On the other end of the spectrum, performing Speed last fall was easy. It was awesome to let out my inner goofball with Ben and his dog Puck, but in the role of Adriana… it’s like I’m getting to practice laying it all out there and damn the consequences. Demanding love and attention and giving it too. She doesn’t get everything she wants, but since it’s a comedy, she gets a happy ending of sorts. At least the way Nick has interpreted it.

Which is giving me the tiniest bit of hope that I can have that too.

When Henry told me that he loved me, my first instinct was to retreat. I want to believe him, and his actions support his words. I can literally feel the waves of desire washing between us when we make love.

It just feels like I still have too much in my debit column to pay off before I get to have my own happy ending.

“I wish you could come out with us,” Jess says, breaking into my thoughts. Cal is working a concert, so Jess is going out with “the boys,” meaning Will, Mikey, and Randall.

After stowing my costume in the laundry bag, I meet her gaze head-on. I officially can’t tell her that I’m an alcoholic, but I think she has an inkling. “You know that’s not my scene. But let’s do something this week, just you and me.”

“Alright,” she says, pushing her lower lip out. But then she waggles her eyebrows. “You go get some good sex.”

I see her waggle and raise it with a full body shimmy. “I think I will.”

Less than an hour later, I’m panting at Henry’s side, having just gotten some good sex. “I could get addicted to you,” I say with a sigh.

I’m only half kidding, and he must sense that because he traces a finger over my brow and asks softly, “You keep saying that. I want to know: What does that mean to you?”

I shrug, trying to keep things light. “Pretty much what I said. If I give in, I won’t be able to give you up.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s bad to be dependent on you.”

“What if you dependedonme instead?”

I roll onto my back. “This isn’t a linguistics debate, Henry.”

He nudges my shoulder. “I’m just trying to understand. Or see the positive side.”

“Okay, Mr. Pollyanna. What’s the positive here?”

“Well, I get that if I were propping you up somehow, that wouldn’t be good, but—‍” He sits up and leans against the headboard. “Let’s look at it another way. Is there anything that’s pleasurable that you’re not afraid of being addicted to?”

I do my best to accept that he’s just trying to be helpful. “Sugar, sort of. I mean, sometimes I overdo it.”

“What happens when you overdo it?”

“I feel sick to my stomach. And just… yucky.”

“What do you do if that happens?”

“I lay off for a while.”

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