Page 93 of Child of Mine

“And then what?”

“After a week or so, I can have it in moderation again.”

He shifts, folding one knee so he can face me. “But you couldn’t do that with alcohol or drugs?”

My every instinct tells me this is dangerous territory, but I make myself take a mental step back and think about what he’s saying. “Well, I never tried. They pretty much say you can’t if you’re an addict. I never tried to give it up until I got sent to rehab.” I’m not exactly sure where he’s going with this, but I need him to understand that there is a difference between a sugar high and a cocaine binge. “I don’t really want to find out. It’s too dangerous.”

“I get that. But still, youcancontrol your appetite with sugar?”

I shrug. “So far.”

“What about me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you felt addicted to me in a way that was detrimental, what would happen?”

Pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger, I do my best to take his questions seriously, even as my speedy heart tells me that it’s not a good idea. “Well… spending time in bed with you while neglecting responsibilities. Or even forgetting that they exist.”

“Okay.” Taking my other hand in his, he massages my palm with his thumb. “What if you share some of your responsibilities with me so that you can enjoy time with me? Like, you could depend on me to take care of Lilah when you can’t, which is only right since I am her other parent. But you could also depend on me to… I don’t know, go to the grocery store or feed the cats if you have other things to do.”

“What about you?”

“You’d help me with whatever I need. It’s a give-and-take instead of a giving-over.”

“Again with the semantics.”

“Don’t you think words are powerful, Ms. Shakespeare actress?”

This conversation is literally making me feel itchy. As I run my nails up and down my calves I grumble, “I thought you didn’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Do…” I roll a hand in the air between us while I work up the courage to say the damn word. “Relationships.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He laughs, and his hands go up in the air like he’s surrendering, but not necessarily in a bad way. “I’m just trying to figure things out because it’s important to me. Lilah’s important to me. You’re important to me. This thing between us?” He scoots closer and gently touches my brow and my chest as he says, “Here and here”—he scoops me up and settles me onto his lap, his seemingly ever-present erection pressing into my center—“and here? It all feels real and powerful but also tender and vulnerable.”

He pulls me in even closer until there’s nothing between us but breath. “Tell me how to show you that I love you, Bel. Because that’s what this is. For me, at least.”

Chapter 20

“WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Isabelle York, who had quite the run playing inveterate troublemaker Quinn Carter onAs the Earth Revolves,has surfaced after a long hiatus. Thankfully, unlike her character, the actress’s cancer was kicked in real life. Now, she’s back in TV Land, this time on the other side of the camera. Ms. York, as we’ll call her now, returns as a producer on the show where she debuted in the first place: children’s TV showBoom.We can’t wait to hear more…”Daytime TV News, August 1989

BELLA

Monday morning when I pull up to GBH at the same time as Henry, having said goodbye to him just a few hours before when I finally made myself leave his bed and drive home, even exhaustion can’t wipe the smile off my face. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this combination of giddiness and hope. This man has lightened my load and my heart—as well as lit up all my parts like the body in that old Operation game.

“What are you laughing at?” he asks, as he opens my door for me.

“Nothing I can share at the moment,” I singsong.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” he whispers.

“I know. Me too.”

“Can we tell everybody soon?” he asks.

The idea has my heart racing and not with desire. But then I remind myself that I’m not alone in this. I have a partner, and I want to trust that he’ll have my back.

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