Page 106 of Child of Mine

“That time it was, though,” she says, her tone souring. “They said they were cracking down, and since there was a ‘zero tolerance policy’ in place, I had to go. After I left, a friend told me that the new rules were because of you getting hooked on drugs, so I always… blamed it on you.”

She gets up abruptly, crosses to her kitchen counter, and pulls several tissues out of a Kleenex box.

When she doesn’t sit back down, my dad asks, “Are you happy, Nancy?”

“I don’t know,” she says before blowing her nose. After she throws the tissue in the trash, she flings a hand in the air. “I wasn’t happy then, I suppose. I was so scared of screwing up that I did. A lot.”

“That sounds like an unfortunate self-fulfilling prophecy,” my dad offers with more generosity than I can manage at the moment. “What are you doing for work now?”

Still standing by the counter, she says, “I’m a receptionist at my cousin’s dental practice. I try to stay away from those magazines, but one of the other girls showed me an article about your new position because she knows I worked onAs the Earth Revolvesand wondered if I knew you.”

I want to ask why she did it, but when my dad places a gentle hand on my knee, I keep my mouth shut.

She blows her nose again and then sighs. “I’m sorry I sent that letter. I read that notice, and I got mad all over again.” Hugging herself, she adds, “And I’m sorry that all happened to you. I didn’t know you’d started so young. All I saw was this beautiful young woman who had everything she wanted.”

“I wish that were true,” I say softly.

She nods, and then meets my gaze, a puzzled expression on her face. “How did you know it was me?”

“You were in one of the photos, your reflection in the mirror as you took the picture.”

“I never was good at keeping track of the little details,” she says, sighing. “But you remembered me?”

“Of course I did.”

“Well, that makes me a little happier—that I’m memorable.” She smiles, but her eyes are a bit watery as she says, “Sometimes I feel invisible.”

My heart squeezes at the pain in her voice, but before I can say anything in response, she asks, “Can I have my Polaroids back?”

* * *

Outside on the stoop,after Nancy troops off to her job at the dentist’s office, I’m still feeling a bit off kilter. “So many twists and turns.”

“She’s a bit of a kook,” my dad says.

“Yeah. Thanks for coming up with that bit about the Polaroids being with lawyers.”

“I thought that would get her to back down.” Wincing, he adds, “She could go off again, though.”

“Which is why I’m going to tell my story,” I say, as we head in the opposite direction from Nancy. I hadn’t decided for sure until right this moment, but something about the way this woman bent my tale to fit her own makes my choice clear. “If I’m not hiding anything, no one can hold anything against me.”

My dad puts an arm around my shoulders to give me a quick side hug. “That sounds like a very wise decision.”

“What about you?” I ask. “Will you do the same?”

He hesitates, withdrawing his arm and sliding his hands into his pockets. “Unfortunately, the world doesn’t see my situation in the same light.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, while people are starting to get that being an addict is not a moral failure, they don’t see being gay in the same light.”

“Is that why you wouldn’t let mom tell me? Even though it meant that I thought you didn’t care about me anymore?”

He stops in the middle of the sidewalk, looking up and down the quiet street before continuing. “If I’m in certain circles, especially here in New York, I feel safe. But there are parts of this country where my sex life is still illegal, where people think I’m mentally deranged and a danger to their children.” When I take his hand, he gives it a squeeze. “But we’re working on that.”

My heart hurts with his, and I’m suddenly full of grief for all the time we’ve lost due to my stubbornness and his fears. Stopping on the corner, I say, “Henry and I have to get back today, but I’d love to meet Alex sometime soon. And will you come up and meet Lilah?”

“We’d love to,” he says, his eyes filling, as mine are.

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