Page 64 of The Single Dad's Guide to Recreation

“Do you mean when you got lost today?” my mother asks.

“No, Nana. In New York.”

“You got lost in New York City?” Jack Kingston asks, justifiably horrified.

“It was in the apartment building,” I clarify.

“I was outside, Daddy.”

“You were in the back courtyard, not wandering around the city.”

She turns to her grandparents, animated again. “I didn’t like the nanny who came after Percy was born. She didn’t want to play at all. She just wanted to hold Percy. So I decided to go to the playground by myself.”

“This nanny was fired the next day,” I add. “Lisa had just returned to work, so I took parental leave and stayed home with the kids instead.”

Jack frowns, obviously judging my choices, because when my leave was up, I quit the job he likely pulled strings to get me. I couldn’t leave the kids in the hands of a stranger again.

“How did the cat find you?” Tilly Kingston asks.

“I knew how to get to the playground. Take the elevator, go out the door, and walk two blocks. But when I got off the elevator and went out the door, everything looked different. Plus, the door locked behind me. I was sitting there very mad, and Jenny Linsky walked up and comforted me.”

As Mabel goes on to reconnect this story back to today’s debacle, my brain replays the panic I felt when I got the call from Lisa that day telling me that I had to go home to find Mabel.

I can’t do it, Josh,she said.I just returned to work, and they’ll think I’m not serious if I go running home every time there’s a little problem.

Like losing our child in fucking Manhattan was a little problem.

“And then Miss Avery climbed the tree,” Mabel’s voice in the here and now pierces the memory. “She knew where Jenny Linksy would be too, and she knew to be quiet, but she also had a cell phone.”

My head jerks up, and I scan the faces of the people gathered in the cozy living room listening to my daughter’s story. Both sets of grandparents are here, along with a few neighbors who helped search for my daughter. But Avery isn’t among them.

Mabel may have saved her cat, but Avery is the one who found Mabel. The person who paid attention to my daughter and guessed what she might be thinking. Who was able to reassure her when my little girl was convinced that the fireman would frighten the cat.

Avery is the one missing now.

And who can blame her? I freaked out when I saw my in-laws. I don’t even know what I said. All I could think was that I was being punished for every moment I’d enjoyed with her.

I failed. Again.

And Lisa’s parents were there to judge me. Again.

It’s late by the time we get the kids settled for the night. The Kingstons haven’t jumped down my throat yet; they even insisted on getting dinner delivered. But by bedtime, Percy is wound up from being stuck inside most of the day, while Mabel has a major tantrum when I try to get her to take a bath.

By the time the kids fall asleep, I want to crawl into bed too. Preferably with the woman who keeps sending me direct to voicemail. I have to force myself to go back downstairs where I’m sure to get a dressing down from Lisa’s parents.

But the only person waiting up for me is my mom.

“Where is everybody?”

My mom looks up from the Sunday crossword. “The Kingstons went to their hotel and your dad went to bed.”

“I was sure they’d have a lawyer here, ready to make me sign over custody.”

My mom frowns. “What are you talking about?”

I shrug. “They’ve been waiting for me to screw up ever since Lisa died. Ready to swoop in and take my”—a wave of emotion hits me out of nowhere and I have to swallow it back—“our kids.”

“Oh, honey.” My mom gets up and comes around the island to wrap her arms around me. She’s tall for a woman, but she feels smaller than she used to somehow. “They wouldn’t do that. Even if they could. They want what’s best for Mabel and Percy.”

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