Page 28 of The Prodigal Son

And somewhat shamelessly enjoying every second. Whenever the guilt creeps in, I use the lies in my arsenal as a defense.

We are just friends.

I have no inappropriate intentions.

He’s my favorite musician—I’d be an idiot to turn this down.

It’s enough to ease my nerves.

As soon as the wheels touch down on the runway, I pull out my phone and text Theo.

Just landed.

I’m sure you’re busy getting ready, but I’ll see you tonight.

Thanks again for the ticket.

I don’t check for a reply until I’m in the taxi on the way to the venue. I really should work on this Sunday’s sermon. There are things to do at the church, and I do feel a little guilty that I’ve put off a lot of that work on my team.

But I’ve worked so hard over the last year to get the church where it is today. There was quite a hefty mess to clean up after the Goode scandal.

I deserve this break. I deserve to have a little fun and indulge.

Alittle.

By the time I arrive at the stadium, the doors are open, but it’s still early, so I kill time by grabbing a bite to eat and a couple of drinks. I’m not a big drinker, but I enjoy taking the edge off when I can. Those three tequila sodas were the most I’ve had in a long time.

While sitting down at a small table near a food vendor, I take some time to do some people-watching. There’s something wildly fascinating about watching strangers in a setting like this. I like to imagine their life stories and their values. What matters most to them? How do they function—with fear or with faith?

This is a country music concert in a very conservative state. Which makes it even stranger that I’m here to see a man I’m fairly certain was flirting with me. A man I’m very attracted to. If any of these people knew that, they’d probably be outraged.

The first time I knew I was different than all my friends was when I was thirteen. Going to the movies with some friends, I found myself lusting after Brendan Fraser inThe Mummywhile they were drooling over the female librarian.

I brushed it off for so long. But it felt like the elephant in the room of my childhood. Like everyone knew before I did. It wasthe thing no one ever wanted to speak about and it was eating me alive.

When I was fifteen, my mom encouraged me to check out Eternal Harmony. She called it aspecialyouth group. “The most important youth group you’ll ever attend,” she said.

When I went to the first meeting, my world had changed. I felt like I had finally met people likeme. The pastor of the group was a guy named Derek. He was in his late twenties and seemed like he had his whole life together. His confidence and charisma drew me in. But more importantly, he was married to a woman. It all seemed so perfect.

He promised us that he was like us. And that if we stayed the course, we would not only save our own lives, but our own souls.

He gave me direction when I felt like I was lost.

At first, my dad seemed worried. He often asked me what Pastor Derek spoke about, but it felt like a secret to me then. Eternal Harmony wasmine. Something to be proud of. Something that was going to help me.

I was terrified of losing that.

So I told him nothing. Every year in the program, I moved up a level. I became a mentor, then a counselor, then a leader. I made friends and felt like I was truly part of something.

People around town started treating me differently. When I spoke, they listened. Girls began taking an interest in me.

On the outside, I was flourishing, and everything was falling into place.

For a teenager, that was all that mattered.

On the inside, I felt like I was crumbling. Rotting. Dying a slow, agonizing death.

Music starts playing in the distance, distracting me from my thoughts. It’s the same opener I saw two nights ago, so I don’t rush out to my seat like everyone else.

---