Page 21 of You Are Cordially Invited

“And then there’s the media circus.” He donned a pained expression. “It’s bad enough about the two of us. Imagine adding a baby to that. Holy fuck, they’d go off their tree to get photos of the baby or all of us together. Not to mention the whole complexity of it being a family adoption. And when, not if, they found out about Stella, she’d be in line for that invasion of privacy as well. The whole family would become media fodder. We don’t have to look further than Craig and your dad to see that. Even your mother’s death wasn’t off-limits.”

The reality of what he said hit me like a train to the chest, and a bolt of fear rocketed through me. I hadn’t thought that far ahead and I should’ve.

“And I’d have to give up work, at least for a bit. With you away so much, I’dwantto be a constant in their life for at least the first year. I know in plenty of families both parents work, but my job’s pretty intense at the best of times, and our lives aren’t exactly our own. There’s a lot of pressure. So, yeah, I’d be looking to reduce that pressure, and for me that would include staying home at the start. My job would have to go on hold.”

I really didn’t deserve this man. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, and he snuggled closer.

“And then there’s my family.” He tapped his head against my chest a few times as though he was banging it against the wall. “I love them to bits, obviously, but if you thought they were all up in our business now, you have no idea what you’d be in for. And I’m not sure how I feel about sharing a baby of ours in that way. It would be very different from adopting outside the family where I’d feel like we had more ability to draw those lines in the sand—create boundaries for us to live as a family separate from the wider one.”

He tilted his head back to look at me, an almost resigned sadness to his gaze that I didn’t like.

He continued, “But a family adoption changes a lot of that. It would take some careful negotiation to make sure we established the boundaries we needed, at least in the early days, but making sure to respect Stella and her parents’ needs as well. It feels like a spider’s web of disasters waiting to happen. Fuck, it’s doing my head in.”

He shuddered and dramatically shook his hands. “What about you? What do you think?”

That I love you more than I did five minutes ago.“Everything you’ve already said. I’d feel guilty about leaving you carrying the bulk of the family load so often. And I would hate to miss out on being there to watch the baby growing every day, just like I do with Cory. I’d feel that tug between rugby and my family even stronger. Issues with the family boundaries? Yes, I’d be lying to say that wasn’t a concern. And yes, I’m concerned about not setting Cory back as well.”

“Yes,” Cam gasped. “Oh my god, all of that was without even adding Cory’s needs to the mix. I know Cory is so much easier now, but maybe it’s still too much, Rube. Maybe the best thing would be to say no. Let Stella ask the others. It’s not like she doesn’t have options. With the wedding and everything else on our plate, I can’t get a single thought in my head to line up with any clarity. We should just say no.”

I studied him for a moment, this kind, generous, fiercely loyal man with a heart of gold and the bite of a rattler. “You don’t mean that.”

“I absolutely do.” He stared right back, tawny eyes flashing.

But I’d heard the lie and waited him out.

“Ah, fuck it.” He dropped his head. “I don’t know what I want.”

I tipped his chin up and kissed those full lips. “Oh, I think you do. I think you want this baby, Cameron Wano.” I held his gaze. “But I think it all seems too complicated to make happen, and that’s why you didn’t want me to come today. Your heart wants to say yes, but you’re worried that’s the wrong decision. And if I wasn’t there, it would make it easier to convince me to turn her down.”

“Damn, you’re good at this.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I think it’s time to stop those therapy sessions of yours.”

I grinned. “Nah. I’ve got years of daddy issues to solve. Two years of therapy has barely scratched the surface.”

Cam forced a smile, but it quickly disappeared. “I guess I also keep thinking, what if we don’t get another chance? What if when you retire, we can’t get a surrogate or the laws change or whatever? What if it doesn’t work out how we’ve planned?”

I crushed him against my chest and tunnelled my fingers through his hair. “None of that matters, sweetheart. We can’t say yes or no based on ‘what ifs.’ We need to decide ifthisbaby atthistime is therightdecision for us as a family,allof us. We’ve got till the end of next weekend. So, let’s think and talk and not close any doors too soon.”

He looked up and I bopped his nose. “And if we even start thinking we might be interested, then we need to talk to Stella and Cory’s teachers, as well, and maybe the ASD support group. I know you’ve got wedding stuff going on, so how about I do those things and then fill you in.”

“Then, you really mean it?” He stared at me wide-eyed. “You really think we should seriously consider this?”

And there it was. “I do.” It was the easiest decision I’d made in a long time. “Regardless of what we decide, if we don’t at least think it through thoroughly, we might always regret it.”

He nodded enthusiastically, and I knew that for all of my questions, I’d done the right thing.

“But honestly, you don’t have to do the school thing, Rube. I can talk to—”

“No,” I said a little sharply and he startled. “Sorry, but Iwantto do this, please?”

Cam hesitated. “Okay. But tell me if you need me to step in.” He pulled me into his arms this time, and I sank into his strength. “Holy shit, Reuben.”

“Yeah.” I sucked in a breath. “Holy shit.”

Chapter Four

Cam

My leg jiggledagainst the charting desk. I stared at the pathology report in my hands and tried to pretend I was actually reading a single fucking thing. By the concerned looks my nurses were sending me, I wasn’t doing a very good job.

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