Page 64 of You Are Cordially Invited

He locked eyes with me. “If they clear you to play, then you should play, that’s what I think.” He pressed his cheek to my chest. “So you can quit worrying.”

But it still felt like there was something he wasn’t telling me. “Are you sure? This has been a big wake-up call about the risks of the sport and I’d completely understand if you harboured concerns.”

He propped himself up on an elbow and looked hard at me. “Doyouwant to stop playing? Because that’s an entirely different thing from whetherIwant you to.”

Did I? I took a second to think rather than feed him some pat answer. Ithadbeen scary, waking up unable to move. I’d been fucking terrified.

I thought about the game, the crowd, the adrenaline, the camaraderie, the rush of the win, the stress, the pressure, the injuries. It wasn’t an easy question to answer in the nuts and bolts of it, and so in the end, I went with my emotional gut response.

“No,” I said firmly. “I don’twantto stop. But there are a lot of things in life we might notwantto stop doing but need to for any number of reasons. I’m not in this career on my own, Cam.” I lifted my hand to let his silky black locks run through my fingers. “We both have to live with the good and the bad of it, and that includes the risk of life-changing injuries.”

I held my hand out and he threaded our fingers together. “This life is aboutus, remember? And whether I play again or not isn’t just my decision.Youare my life. You and Cory. You’re not just a part of it. And that meanswedecide this stuff, not me. What makes you happy, makes me happy. Because it’s us.”

His gaze slid away and I winced. Things still didn’t feel right between us.

“I can cope just fine,” he said, dropping his face to my chest. “And I can’t be the reason you give up, Ruby. You’d hate me for it.”

Heat flushed through my body and my pulse jumped in my throat. “Look at me,” I said sharply.

His head shot up, his eyes wide.

“I don’t want you tocope,Cam,” I said testily. “Don’t you get it? This is exactly the same as you saying that it’s not too late to change my mind about the wedding, thinking you were holding my career back or making life harder for me. Well, I’ve got news for you, Cameron Wano, you don’t have that kind of power. You might be the boss in the bedroom, but outside of it, we do this thing together or we don’t do it at all.”

He blanched but I wasn’t done.

“I don’t want you to be the stoic, fierce partner who handles everything my crazy career throws at us, not to mention all the family stuff, while I’m just the thoughtless fuck who just keeps shovelling pressure on.”

His gaze shot to mine. “I never said that—”

“You don’t have to. It’s not whatyouthink of me, it’s what I think of myself. And I would never stop playingjustforyou. I’d stop forus.For what it would mean for us. All of us. Or I keep playing forallof us. That’s what being together, what getting married means for me.”

He stared at me, those huge tawny eyes battling some private war inside his head. I knew what I was asking was no small thing. Cam looked after people, protected them, went the extra mile, fought tooth and nail for those he loved, whether you were his staff or family or a patient or a kid at his drop-in centre. And I was asking two impossible things of him here. To make himself equally important. And to give up some of his incessant need to control shit.

I softened my tone and stroked his hair. “I guess what I’m saying is that I’m in this all the way, baby, whatever it takes. Us, together, you and me, Cory, and whatever other kids are in our future. So, are you with me?Reallywith me?”

It felt like some kind of turning point and my heart hammered in my chest.

He looked lost, almost fearful, and it was so unlike him my brain stuttered in my head trying to make sense of it. Even in the dim light, it was impossible to miss the way his face paled and he curled in on himself. Then he buried his face on my chest again and hid.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t realise... I mean, I just thought... shit.”

“Hey.” I ran my hand down his lean back and watched him tense like a wary cat at my touch. “We’re getting married Saturday, Cam, and it feels like I’ve waited my whole life for that. I know I have your heart; you show me every day and I’m so damn grateful. All I’m asking is that you move over a little in front and let me walk beside you. Let me take care of you as well. I might not do as good a job as you, but I want to try.”

His jaw worked against my chest. “I’m not very good at that, am I?”

“We can practice.”

He sighed and moved his hand toward mine while keeping his face buried. “Pinky swear.”

The tremble in his voice caught me by surprise, and it took me a few seconds to get my clumsy fingers to behave but I finally got there. “Pinky swear.”

This was the Cam no one saw except me and that most wouldn’t believe existed—the endearing puzzle of a man I was head over heels in love with. A sassy, fierce, take-no-prisoners bossy boots and the soft-as-butter, vulnerable, open-hearted lover that lay just under the surface. Cam saw that side of himself as weakness. I knew it as the most precious part of who he was, and it killed me that he seemed to think he’d break apart if he let me or anyone else take care ofhim.

“And we don’t need to decide anything about the rugby thing now,” I reassured him. “I’m pretty sure I’m done for the season anyway. I just want you to think about it so we can have an honest talk. Would that be okay?”

He nodded without looking up. “Of course.”

Of course?Hardly a resounding yes. But my energy was failing, and I didn’t want to push. I kept hold of his finger and let my eyes close.

---