Page 98 of In Step

CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX

Kane

Twenty-four hours.

Six weeks of life-changing firsts had finally come down to twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours until I dropped Abe at the airport and he left Painted Bay, my bedsit, and my bed.

But not my heart.Thattender extraction was gonna take a much longer time, if ever.

I ran my fingers through the waves of Abe’s dark hair, the first shafts of sun warming my fingers and catching the occasional silver threads. Spring had a firm grip on Painted Bay, lighting up the window behind my bed ever earlier and laying a stripe of sun across the room all the way to the couch where Bossy and Possum were curled up asleep, Bossy sprawled on top of a copy ofThe Scarlet Pimpernelthat I’d picked up from Jam’s latest container of stock.

It was going to be a cracker of a day—no stiff breeze charging off the bay to rattle the sash at the back of the bedsit, the distant wash of sea on the sand just a gentle background rustle, the bellbird and grey warblers singing in the new day from the fence at the top of the hill.

A beautiful last day for the man curled into my side, that familiar soft buzz putting a smile on my face. It wasn’t even really a snore. More like a bumblebee caught in his throat. Abe swore black and blue he didn’t snore, which only made the whole thing even more adorable. I’d thought about recording him to prove a point, but that seemed just a little petty when I kind of loved his indignant protests and the fact I got moments like these all to myself when I saw a part of him he didn’t see himself.

It was only fair since he’d shined a blistering light on so many parts ofmeI had only dreamed about, while accepting everything else without blinking an eye: the cowardly bullying, the HIV, my crappy father, and my hesitance about coming out. Watching him leave was going to kill me, but I wouldn’t change the last six weeks for anything. Abe had walked into my lonely life and brought music and dance and joy and courage and love along with him, and I’d never be the same. It had been worth every shattered piece of my heart that was surely about to come.

I wriggled onto my side, bringing us face to face while wincing at the sweet ache in my arse from the night before. Abe’s eyes flickered beneath his lids and I wondered what he was dreaming of. Just maybe it was me. I badly wanted to believe he was finding this parting as hard as I was. This was always how it was going to end, but trying to protect my heart had only gone so far.

So be it. I made the choice, and I wouldn’t change it.

My life was just about to take root, and Abe had the biggest career opportunity of his life waiting for him in New York, followed by a string of contracts after—companies who relied on him to bring magic to their stages. These weren’t things that either of us could or should walk away from.

I ran a finger down his nose and into that scruff I’d come to love so much. His nostril twitched but he didn’t wake. He’d given me my life back in ways the farm money never could—a renewed belief in myself and my future, a restored confidence in my sexuality, a pride in who I was and who I loved regardless of my history and my HIV. He’d helped me walk out of the shadows, and I wasn’t sure he’d ever fully grasp exactly how much that meant to me.

And today I’d be sitting down at a homestead lunch for the first time, sharing a table with the Maddens as one of their friends. I belonged. It was something I’d never dreamed possible. And it was also down to Abe.

I pressed my lips to his forehead and whispered, “I love you.”

His eyes shot open and I jumped back. “Holy shit! You’re supposed to be asleep.”

He smiled and drew me in for a slow morning kiss, then said, “I love you too.”

My heart tripped. “What?”

He stroked his thumb across my cheek, collecting the tear that ran down it. “I said, I love you too.”

We stared at each other, knowing the words changed everything and nothing at the same time.

I reached my fingers up and ran the tips over his brow and around those beautiful eyes. Then I kissed him again. “I vote we lift the moratorium on inappropriate declarations, just for today?”

“I agree, just for today.”

I took a deep breath and steeled myself. “Good, I love you.”

He smiled. “Excellent. I love you too.”

“Okay, so I need to clarify something.”

“Go ahead.”

“I need to know if we’re closing the door when you go? I thought we were, and I was okay with that. Well, not okay, exactly, but that was before you said... you know, what you just said.”

“That I love you?”

“Yeah. That. Because I thought it was just me. But if it’s not... I’m not sure what that means, if anything.”

He kissed my nose. “And I’m not sure I have an answer for you. If I’m honest, no, I don’t want to close the door, but I also don’t know if that’s fair to either of us. What about you?”

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