Page 35 of In Step

I couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t handle the disappointment I knew I’d find there. “There’s no excuse for what I did. I get that you’re angry. Anyone would be. I don’t expect—”

“Shh.” Abe held out his hands, palms up. “Give me your hands, Kane, please.”

I looked up then, and instead of disappointment, warm concern flooded his gaze. I gave a shuddering sigh and slipped my hands on top of his. We closed fingers around each other, and he pulled them to rest on his knees.

“I’m not angry at what you did, not in the way you think. But Iamso fucking angry with your father that you would feel that was your only way out of his violence. Were there other choices you could’ve made? Maybe. Sure. But you were a kid, Kane. And what you did wasn’t done in a vacuum. I’m angry for the hurt kid who lashed out, and I’d do anything to take that pain from you if I could. The pain of your dad, and the pain and guilt of what you did. But you’re not that person anymore and you deserve to live your life. Youdeservethat.” He leaned in close, his blue-grey eyes drilling into mine like he was trying to imprint the belief into my brain by sheer force of will.

“Come here.” He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me against him, pressing my face into his shoulder, and I sank into the embrace like I’d been waiting for it my whole life. He didn’t say stupid shit to make me feel better. He just held me so tight I could hardly breathe, and I didn’t give a fuck. The tighter he held, the more I buried my face and the less chance he’d see the fat tears I couldn’t hold back. Bad enough he knew everything else, he didn’t need to see that.

I waited for the horror to grab me at what I’d done, telling my story for the first time for reasons I didn’t even understand. I waited for the shame to rise in my throat, but instead there was just a strange hollow feeling. Maybe peace. Maybe just the emptiness left when the shit in your life was exposed in all its glory for the first time.

Eventually I pushed free and Abe dropped his arms. “You okay?” He watched me intently.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, and his hand was instantly back around mine.

“Can I ask why you went back to your father’s farm after university? I’d have thought you’d be gone in a cloud of dust, teaching English or something.”

I snorted. “Because it’s not justhisfarm.”

He frowned. “What?”

“Mum left her half share to me when she died, much to Dad’s horror. But it’s been tied up until I turned thirty. Until then, Dad had full control. Running the farm was something I knew how to do. I had a mountain of student debt, but I wasn’t a kid any longer, so I figured I could live with his arsehole personality for a few years if it meant keeping our investment safe, Jacklyn’s and mine. She’s a single mum, working rubbish jobs to make ends meet, and Bobby has some kind of learning disability. They deserve whatever I can get them.”

His slow-spreading smile told me he finally got it. “And now you’re thirty.”

I couldn’t help returning a grin. “And now I’m thirty. Which means I’m entitled to half the profit, or I can claim fifty percent of the total value and he has to buy me out.”

Abe’s gaze softened, but there was a twinkle in his eye. “You’re going to force him to sell, aren’t you?”

A smile tugged at my lips. “I so fucking am. I’m lodging the claim with my lawyer this week.”

He grinned. “Good for you. You know, I think you’d have Leroy’s support if you decided to come out, especially with Fox in the picture.”

I had, in fact, been tempted to tell Leroy several times in the last couple of months, as we’d grown friendlier. “Yeah, but can you imagine Judah?”

Abe winced. “Point taken. But would you need to tell Judah? One step at a time. Just don’t rule it out.” He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ears and then ran the back of his knuckles down my cheek, the gesture so intimate it drew a shiver from my skin. Then he helped me to my feet and wrapped me in his arms one last time. “Friends?”

I melted against his chest and nodded. “Friends.” Then I tried to draw that thick shell back in place and shrug him off to stand alone—the shell I’d worn most of my life—but it was nowhere to be found, at least not in front of this man. Only this soft and distinctly vulnerable underbelly of a Kane Martin I hardly knew remained, and I tried not to let the idea of that terrify me too much.

Tried and failed.

“Thank you.” I made no attempt to hide my choked emotion. “For the dancing, for listening, for everything. I haven’t felt seen in a long time, mostly for reasons I deserved. I’ll never forget it.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said, almost a whisper. “How would you feel about still dancing with me sometimes?” A touch of pink stained his cheeks and I shot him an amused look.

“Dancing? Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

He grinned. “Okay, so I might’ve exaggerated the whole ‘needing to practise my teaching skills’ thing. But look at you. What red-blooded gay man wouldn’t grab a chance to hold you in their arms? And itisa lot easier to rehearse with a partner, if you’re game.”

I shook my head. “Aside from the fact I’m not buying that little sob story for one minute because I totally sucked tonight and no one in their right mind would want me as their dance partner, there’s Judah to consider.”

“Judah doesn’t need to know,” he said flatly. “He doesn’t rehearse in the evenings if he can avoid it. It messes with his Meniere’s. And if he finds out, I’ll tell him exactly what I told you. I need a newbie partner to practise with, and he can’t do that for me. And just so we’re clear, you didnotsuck tonight. We danced remarkably well together for a first time. It... surprised me.”

I searched his face but couldn’t find the lie if it was there. And just the idea of having him close, touching me, knowing about me, and still liking me, was a shot of happiness I wasn’t sure I could deny myself.

Itwasrisky. But I didn’t intend on staying in Painted Bay for much longer.And maybe itwastime to come out to Leroy and Fox, especially considering what they’d done for me. Then, if Judah found out, I might have some support. If not, I’d leave if I had to.

Could I really have this? Could I take something just for me for once? “Okay.”

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