Page 66 of In Step

“I have no fucking idea,” I answered honestly, skimming my hand up his jaw to cup his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He stepped in and brushed his lips across mine. “I love what we do. I love how you make me feel. You’re helping piece together my jigsaw, but we both know this can’t go anywhere. I can’t risk...” He paused and sighed. “I can’t afford to hope for more. You and I... Jesus, Abe, we’ve only known each other a couple of weeks and you’re leaving in not much longer.” He swallowed hard and looked me in the eye. “It’s best if we keep things simple between us, okay?”

No, not okay, my ridiculous brain shouted,but the immediate protest died on my lips because Kane was right. And I was more than stupid to be daydreaming of anything beyond what we’d agreed to. How the hell would that even work? It wasn’t possible.

Kane stared, waiting for a response that far too much of me didn’t want to give. I pulled him against me, burying my face in his hair. “Okay,” I forced the only answer I could give, the only answer that made sense.

“Thank you,” he mumbled against my neck and then freed himself and made his way to the back of the Accord. I watched him go, seeing my own struggle reflected in his expression.

This was crazy thinking.

He popped the trunk and threw a blanket and two cushions my way. I caught them on the fly. “Find somewhere dry for us to sit,” he instructed, and I smiled at the bossy tone. “I made bacon and egg pie, minus the bacon in lieu of a ton of cheese.” He looked up and smiled. “Sorry. Vegetarian, remember?”

“I’m fine with it.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

And just like that, the awkwardness vanished, and we ate and talked and joked and teased, like that heart-wringing moment between us had never happened.

We paddled in the freezing water until our toes turned blue, wandered the banks of the river looking for eels until we found one—scaring the shit out of us both—and then loaded the car up and headed back to Painted Bay. We chatted all the way home, my brain absolutelynotplanning how I could upend my entire fucking life to spend just a little more time with Kane. My heart not thinking once about how very much it liked that ridiculous idea. And my cock? Well, fuck that bastard. Kane had that sucker on speed dial, and nothing short of a zombie apocalypse was likely to change that. Maybe not even then.

Just saying.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

Kane

Don’t go down there.

I leaned on the fire escape railing and stared down at the studio, its lights striping the grass all the way down to the boathouse, the soft strain of tango floating up on the still air.

Text an excuse and don’t go.

It was, of course, the sensible choice. The right thing to do. The best decision for my ridiculous heart.

What happened by the river had come with a million alarm bells attached. I more than fucking liked this guy, and Abe was clearly not in the friend zone either. The way he kissed me, the look that stripped my heart naked, his soft voice in my ear. It had shocked the hell out of me, and I’d stupidly fallen into it, wanting to feel that connection if just for a moment. Wanting to feel it... with Abe.

Butthathadn’t been the surprise. To be honest, I’d kind of expected it. My heart had been an accident waiting to happen as far as Abe was concerned. I’d known that from the first time we talked.

But Abe feeling something more forme?Thathad never been in the plan, and it fucked everything up. A mutual romantic entanglement was the last thing I needed. I could crush on him, walk away, and survive, knowing Abe wasn’t on the same page and there was no hope of anything more.Thatwas safe.

Abe and I were supposed to be about sex. Friends and sex. A chance for me to have something for me, and for him to have fun while we were at it. Then he’d leave and I’d have a glimmer of a future I could wish for with someone else. A benchmark. Raise my standards, as Abe called it.

He was never meant to feel something deeper forme. To shift what we were in my head from fantasy into the what-if box. I couldn’t afford that rollercoaster and its inevitable conclusion. My heart wasn’t strong enough.

A glance at my phone with its half-written text showed I was already five minutes late. I worried my lip for a few seconds more, then shoved my phone in my pocket.

“Fuck it.” I stepped back through the window, slammed it shut, grabbed my coat, warned Bossy and Tank to behave themselves, and headed down the hill at a jog.

Abe was waiting outside looking fucking edible, because of course he did—tight-as-fuck dance leggings, a loose T-shirt, and a sexy smile. Plant the white flag now.

His face lit up as I approached. “I thought maybe you weren’t coming.” His expression said he’d have understood, and I mentally poured some concrete around that pole.

People really didn’t give enough credit to the high-ranking value of just plain niceness on the sexy scale.

“I can’t lie. I thought about it.” I let him help me out of my coat. “Then I figured we’re grown men. We’re quite capable of managing ourselves, right?”

He nodded. “Right. And I believe that about as much as you do.”

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