Page 69 of In Step

And suddenly, I was done. I shot him a glare. “Yes, it is.”

Judah blinked.

“And you know what, Judah? Iwasa total arsehole bully to you when we were at school, and I deserve every bit of contempt you want to throw my way for as long as you want to throw it. I can’t change what happened no matter what I do. But Abe’s right, Iwasa stupid kid. I was sixteen, and I’m not that person anymore. So, yes, I’m gay, and I knew I was gay back then.”

Judah’s eyes widened.

“Which only makes me more of an arsehole for taking my frustration out on you, so there’s some more fuel for your fire. I can’t change how you feel about me, and I understand why you do, and I’d apologise to you until the day I die for what I did.” I huffed. “If you ever let me speak to you, that is.”

Judah frowned and looked about to say something, but I wasn’t done. It was now or never.

“I’m not looking for forgiveness, but Jesus, Judah, Iamtrying to do my life differently. I’ve been trying since that day I kicked you. For fourteen years. I’d planned to tell Leroy that I was gay this weekend and just deal with the fallout. I thought I could work for your brother and keep my head down and keep out of your way. And I thought it was working. I thought that maybe things were getting a little easier between us. But nothing has changed, has it? You’ve got me in a box with the lid on and I’m never getting out.”

“You put yourself in that box after what you did.” Judah said flatly, but it lacked heat. “I won’t be made to feel sorry for you.”

“You’re right, I did put myself there, and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I don’t need that.” I drew a shaky breath and Abe’s warm arm slid around my waist in silent support. I leaned into his touch and drew what strength I could.

“But regardless of what you think, I deserve a life. I deserve some happiness, just like you, just like everyone else. But itwasstupid of me to try for any of that here, in Painted Bay, where the past is too close for all of us. And for that I apologise. But I won’t apologise for being in the closet. I don’t owe you any explanations, Judah. And I won’t apologise for finding a little bit of happiness with an amazing man. You don’t get to take that from me just because you’re pissed about it. Not that it matters now. Whatever it was, it’s done now.”

“What?” Abe turned and grabbed my shoulders. “Kane, no. This doesn’t have to change anything.Hedoesn’t get to decide aboutus. He doesn’t get a vote. Don’t do this.”

I cupped his cheek. “You’re wrong. It changeseverything.Judah’s your friend, the kids need you, and you’ll be gone soon. I can’t be the reason this good thing you’re both doing falls apart. You and I were never going anywhere, we both know that. Let it go. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Abe shook his head in disbelief, his eyes wide in anger. Whether at Judah or me, I didn’t know, but I couldn’t let it change my mind, so I pushed it aside. It didn’t matter what I wanted. Abe wasn’t here for me. He was here for Judah and those kids.

Judah’s gaze flicked between us, his expression unreadable.

I stepped forward. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Judah. It was cruel and unnecessary, and I know you still feel it. If I’d had any backbone at the time, it would never have happened.”

“Jesus, Kane. It wasn’t that simple.” Abe’s hand reached for mine, but I shook him off, trying to ignore the sting of hurt in his eyes.

“I can’t undo what happened, but Icanstop being a daily reminder of it for you. I’ll finish out next week with Leroy, then I’ll leave you to get on with your life.”

Abe spun to Judah with fury written on his face. “For fuck’s sake, Judah.”

But Judah said nothing, or he didn’t know what to say, whichever. It didn’t matter.

I grabbed my jacket, shoved my feet in my shoes, and made a beeline for the door, choking back a wave of emotion. I was done baring my soul for other people. It hurt too fucking much.

“Kane, wait.” Abe followed me to the door, but I turned and stopped him from passing through.

“Abe, please. Tomorrow, yeah? I can’t...” I bit back the flood of emotion threatening to break my resolve, the desperate urge to lose myself in the safety of his arms. “Tomorrow.”

I didn’t think his frown could get any deeper but eventually he nodded. “Okay. Tomorrow. I’ll text when I’m on my way back. Just to check in.”

“Okay.” I touched my lips to his and then turned and headed up the hill without daring to look back.

* * *

Abe

I watched Kane disappear into the night and then closed the studio door with a bang, leaning my head against it while I tried to calm down. But when I turned, Judah was still standing where I’d left him, a cold, flat expression in place. My blood boiled.

“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t.” His eyes carried a warning that I was in no mood to pay attention to.

“You don’t get off that easy.” I stalked across to where he stood. “Kane didn’t deserve that. Ididn’t deserve that.”

“How do you knowwhathe deserves?” Judah’s eyes flashed. “You weren’t there when he shoved me down and kicked me that day. You weren’t there for the name-calling and the shaming and all the other shit that went down. You don’t knowanythingabout what he does or doesn’t deserve. And now he’s suddenly gay? What the fuck, Abe? And as for you—”

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