Page 11 of The Mechanics of Lust

Zach frowned, and for a second I thought he might even change his mind, but instead, he broke eye contact and scanned the living room. “Have you seen my jacket anywhere?”

“Yes, it’s hanging in the entrance.” I followed him into the hall and down to the front door.

Zach grabbed his jacket and hung it over an arm before awkwardly meeting my gaze. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.” I reached around and opened the door for him to pass through.

He gave me an odd look like no one had ever done that for him, and before I could stop myself, I voiced the one question I’d promised myself I wouldn’t. “Can I ask what your problem is with me?”

Zach froze halfway out the door and I hastily added, “I mean, I know I didn’t give the best first impression arriving uninvited on the station last year, but I hoped we might be past that by now. I’d kind of like us to be friends.”

His troubled look gave me pause. But when he remained silent, I added, “Don’t you think I deserve a little wiggle room to prove I’m a better man than you obviously think?”

Zach huffed. “I’m not sure why you care what I think, but since you asked, leaving your husband six months after losing your child kind of says something about a person, at least it does to me. And I’m not sure providing a little wiggle room would be enough to change that.”

Which only proved the old adagebe careful what you ask for.I swallowed hard and quashed down the rising tide of guilt that it had taken me two years to get a handle on. I wasn’t about to let Zach Lane undo months of hard work just because he made my dick twitch.

Not that his words were much of a surprise. I’d figured it had to be something like that, but that didn’t mean they didn’t sting or that he didn’t have a point. But point or not, Zach Lane knew fuck all about what had really gone down between Gil and me, and although I might like the guy, I wasn’t about to be judged by whatever stick he had shoved up his arse.

I took a step back and schooled my expression into stony neutrality. “Yeah, I imagine you’re right. Silly me for thinking that maybe you had to be part of a relationship, a marriage, to truly understand why it broke. Sitting in judgement from the outside is hardly fair to either party, don’t you think? I’ve beaten myself up enough about what happened. I sure as hell don’t need anyone else wading in. And on that note, I won’t hold you up. I’m sure you’ve got better people to spend your time with.”

Zach stared at me with startled green eyes and bright red cheeks. “I’m sorry. I could’ve said that better. But... you asked.”

I snorted. “I did. More fool me. You know, Zach, I’ve never denied that what I did hurt Gil. We hurt each other. And I’ll always regret what happened. But there was a time we loved each other as well. Deeply. It’s not as simple as pointing a finger. Relationships are complicated and I thought you, of all people, might understand that. But I get the message. You have a nice day. I’m sure we’ll see each other around, and I’ll make sure to keep my distance.”

And with that, I closed the door on Zach Lane and relegated my ridiculous little crush to the bin. I had a life to put back together, and the last thing I needed was a reminder of how badly I’d fucked things up two years before. I could manage that particular reality check all on my own and did so with painful regularity, because no matter that Gil’s and my marriage had been doomed long before Callie died, I could’ve done better in the aftermath, and nothing was ever going to change that.

CHAPTERFOUR

Three weeks later

Zach

“Hey, Zach, wake up.”The bedroom window of Tussock Cottage rattled under Holden’s knuckles.

“Go away.” I pulled the bedclothes over my head. “It’s my first sleep-in in months.”

Holden’s chuckle was far too cheerful for my liking. “Aw, sorry, no can do. Gary radioed. Your pickup time has been brought forward. That weather front that was supposed to skirt south is now expected to pass over the Mackenzie Basin early this evening, and Blue wants you guys done and dusted well before. You’ve got about half an hour to be up and at ’em, sleeping beauty.”

“Fuck me. If it’s going to screw up my sleep-in, then the least it can do is actually fucking rain this time. That last storm was just a piss in the wind.” I levered myself up on one elbow, pulled back the curtains, and squinted against the daylight that flooded the room. Clear skies and another hot day, at least for now.

Man, we needed that rain.

The Glendale River was running as low as I’d ever seen it, its twisted braids thin as a wisp and almost lost amongst the fat fingers of gravel that punctuated their flow, while the large-scale pasture blocks had given up any pretence of green, sitting parched under a relentless sun and the dry winds that tunnelled through the valley. Winter feedstocks were already impacted, and everyone was concerned how the mobs on the hill were faring and what we’d find when muster started.

Holden’s face popped into view on the other side of the glass and I flipped him off before checking my phone. Eight o’clock.Dammit. “And you don’t have to sound so happy about waking me up.”

Holden pressed his lips and nose against the glass and waggled his brows. “Aw, don’t be like that.”

I slammed the curtains closed on his ridiculous face.

He laughed. “Why are you getting picked up anyway? They don’t usually send the chopper?”

“I didn’t ask,” I called back. “Wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Gil’s voice popped up in the background. “By the way, there’s a cheese toasted sandwich and two blueberry muffins outside your front door. And a lunch bag and energy bars. Don’t say I never do anything for you.”

Like I would ever do that. Gil spoiled all of the shepherds on the station, but he seemed to go out of his way when it came to me, something that had made it almost impossible to stay pissy with him when I’d first learned that he and Holden were a thing.

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