Page 49 of The Mechanics of Lust

“It’s fine.” I captured his hand in mine and held it. “I pulled away from all that a while ago. You are not just another link in the chain, okay?”

He looked back up, but I couldn’t name the expression in his eyes. “Thanks for saying that, but it’s truly none of my business. I have no claim on you. That’s not what we’re doing here, is it?”

Isn’t it?But I didn’t say that. I let it go, and Zach seemed relieved to do the same.

“Anyway—” He reached up to nip me on the lips. “Just as well you like hairy men because I’ll tell you right now, Holden always says I take better care of my dog’s grooming than I do my own.”

I laughed and ruffled his auburn locks. “That’s fine with me. I’ll let you know if I spot any fleas down... well, you know where.”

“Fleas? Why you—” Zach’s expression turned to outrage. He straddled my legs and smooshed the spare pillow into my face. “I’ll have you know I have nevereverhad fleas,anywhere, but especially not there.”

He tried to hold me down, but I had a height advantage and a fair few kilos on his lean tightly muscled body, and it didn’t take much to reverse our positions and get his arms pinned above his head. He writhed and laughed between a string of threats, which he had zero chance of following through. And when he finally tired himself out, I released his arms and leaned down to take his mouth in a sweet, leisurely kiss that went on far too long for something that was supposed to be just about sex.

And when it seemed he was finally about to let me go, Zach instead pulled me down onto my side and we continued to make out, our hands moving gently over each other’s bodies, still exploring, still getting used to the feel of each other. At different times our eyes met, his curious and a little uncertain. Who knew what he saw in mine? I hoped it was peace, because if I had to name it, that would’ve been it.

At times his eyes were softly closed. At times mine.

I kissed every inch of his face. He trailed his fingers all over mine, inspecting every line, every mark.

I drew slow circles on his back. He found my hand and kissed every knuckle.

I told him he was beautiful.

He blushed and told me I was crazy.

Our cocks awakened once or twice, only to soften again in response to the quiet mood and unhurried pace, and that was more than fine with me. I wasn’t sure what was happening in that moment, but it sure as hell wasn’t about sex or anything else that came with an uncomplicated explanation. Much better to leave it alone and just let myself feel. A pool of deep clear water at the end of a two-year desert.

At some point, we dozed off in each other’s arms. I wasn’t sure for how long, only that I was the first to wake, my eyelids fluttering open to find Zach still in my arms, silver moonlight falling over his face and chest all the way down to the sheet puddled around his waist. His skin was cool to the touch, so I carefully drew the bedcovers up over his narrow hips, pausing to run my gaze over his lean chest and the smattering of reddish curls that spanned his chest and belly before covering them too.

He muttered something I couldn’t catch and burrowed closer. My stupid heart squeezed and I lifted the covers over his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Zach pulled the blanket tighter under his chin and then his fingers found mine and curled around them.

My gaze shot up, but he was still asleep, breathing evenly, his face slack, free of all care and looking oh-so young. Something protective rallied in my heart and I lifted the hair from his eyes before falling back on my pillow so I could watch him sleep.

It wasn’t for long. A few minutes later his eyes opened. When he saw me, his mouth tipped up in a contented smile and it was the best damn feeling in the whole world. Then as if he suddenly remembered what we were supposed to be to each other, a frown dipped between those brows and I immediately wanted to scrub it off his face.

“What’s the time?” He stretched and reached over my shoulder to where his phone sat on the bedside table. “Damn. Three thirty. I’m gonna suck today. The dogs will run rings around me.”

I kissed his neck because it was right there, and he glanced down with a half-smile that missed his eyes by a million miles.Damn.I traced his lips with my fingertip. “What are you guys up to?”

He shrugged. “The usual pre-muster planning. But I have a break this afternoon to do some training with Charlie and the dogs. I’ll get Gil to lay a scent trail for us. He’s always up for any excuse to get outside for a while.”

I rolled onto my back and pulled him over with me. “You must miss working with your brother.”

Zach didn’t reply for a moment, and I wasn’t sure he would. The subject had been glossed over but never properly discussed between us. All I knew was what I’d overheard or learned from others.

I pressed a little. “Julian mentioned you guys were close. It was clear he misses you.”

I didn’t miss the flash of pain in Zach’s eyes or the sudden tension in his body as he answered, “I miss him too.Andthe station. Apart from university, I spent my entire life on that land. Jesus, I dream about merinos.”

We both chuckled and he relaxed a little.

“It was no surprise how my dad reacted. In my heart, I think I always knew it would end this way. There was a reason I didn’t tell anyone for so long.”

He raised a hand and fingered my short hair, twirling it around and around before pushing it back off my face. “But it wasn’t like he booted me off the place. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by leaving. If I’d stayed, maybe I could’ve kept him talking. It’s harder to ignore people who are right in your face.”

I tipped his chin up, forcing him to look at me. “How much more time were you willing to give up? To keep your sexuality in the shadows. Not being able to bring anyone home. Knowing what he thought. Maybe he’d have come around. Maybe you’d still be waiting. You’re a grown man, Zach. You have a right to a life not judged for who you take to your bed.” I thought of Holden and added, “Or who you fall in love with.”

He held my gaze, that small frown growing deeper. “You mean Holden?”

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