Page 78 of The Mechanics of Lust

“It wasn’t a date,” I reminded him. “Now eat your damn food. It’s fucking amazing.”

He took a mouthful of the charred ribeye and hummed appreciatively. “Damn, you’re right about that. I think Roz has got a hit on his hands.” He took a couple more bites before leaning in once again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I ignored the question, too tempted to blurt out that no, I fucking wasn’t.

When I didn’t answer, Doug turned in his seat to face me. “Hey, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realised things between the two of you were getting serious.”

“They aren’t,” I lied, then laid my fork down with a heavy sigh. “At least not on his part.”

“Oh.” Doug shot a quick look to the other end of the table. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

I followed his gaze to where Zach and his brother were sharing a laugh about something. It brought a smile to my face and a simultaneous surge of anger directed toward his arsehole of a father. “Yeah, me too.”

I was still watching when Zach happened to look up and catch me. I smiled, and after a moment’s hesitation, he smiled back and everything was right in the world. Then he glanced at Doug, frowned, and turned back to his brother. And I felt like the loneliest man in the room.

Doug looked between us and snorted. “Fucking hell. You know, for a guy who’s not serious, Zach’s pretty fucking upset with the fact I’m sitting next to you.”

Before I could reply, the chink of metal on glass caught everyone’s attention and Charlie called out, “Speech, speech!”

The dining space grew quiet except for Holden’s pained groan. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He got to his feet and shot daggers at his shepherd. “Why thank you so much, Charlotte.”

Charlie winced at her full name and everyone laughed, but all I could do was stare at Zach who was busily ignoring me.

“First off, I want to thank you all for coming this evening,” Holden began. “And let’s hear it for Gil who organised it all.”

A cheer went around the room and Gil flushed a pretty pink under the lights.

Holden went on to welcome and thank the three extra shepherds from other stations, who’d come to help with the muster, and their guests. Then he welcomed and thanked all the other plus-ones and finally Roz and the restaurant staff. The latter was greeted by another round of cheering and applause.

While all this was happening, I sent another text to Zach.Can you meet me outside after?

I watched as he picked up his phone and read the text. His gaze shot to me, then back at the screen, where he stared at my text for far too long for it to mean anything but bad news. No real surprise considering my unanswered text earlier in the day inviting him to stay the night.

After a long minute, he typed something in reply and my phone buzzed in my hand.Okay, but I can’t stay. I’m parked by the café. See you there.

As in,won’tstay, I read between the lines. Well, it didn’t get much clearer than that. I replied with a thumbs up, because what the fuck else could I do, and the room grew smaller and smaller until all that was left was the weight of the pit in my stomach and the slow beat of my pessimistic heart.

* * *

I left before Zach, a little after eleven, making my exit with Doug who’d spent most of the latter part of the evening trying to buoy my spirits with cheerful banter. He was still trying to convince me to join him for a drink at the pub after I’d met with Zach, but I wasn’t in the mood. There was a sour taste to the evening that I couldn’t shake, and I figured it was only going to get worse.

I sent him off with a promise to call and then waited outside the café, hidden in the shadow of an old oak, and watched as the Miller Station crew exited the restaurant in dribs and drabs like Brown’s cows.

It was a longer wait than I expected, and I zipped my jacket up to my chin and shoved my hands in my pockets. April was just around the corner and although daytime temperatures remained balmy, they dropped like a stone the minute the sun dipped below the horizon. Welcome to early autumn in the high country.

Tom and Sam wandered out, along with Sam’s brother, Alek, and Alek’s Russian friend. They chatted for a moment, then split up to head to their respective vehicles.

Holden and Gil were the next to leave, their arms wrapped around each other’s waists. Holden pressed his lips into Gil’s hair and Gil tilted his head up for a kiss. Holden whispered something and they laughed and ran for their ute, Holden tossing his keys to Gil before they tumbled inside, still laughing. I watched their taillights until they turned at the top of the street, and a wave of longing surged through me. Only it wasn’t Gil I wanted to be driving home with. That role belonged to only one person.

“Hey.”

I spun around at the sound of Zach’s voice, my heart thumping in my chest. “Oh, hey.” I closed the few feet between us and, hidden by the oak’s trunk, I cupped his neck and drew him in for a kiss.

He came without hesitation, his lips warm and soft, his tongue eager as it tangled with mine, a soft hum of pleasure rising in his throat. Hope rallied in my chest. Maybe we were going to be all right, after all.

I pulled off and cradled his face. “I’ve missed you.”

That crease I’d grown to hate returned between his brows. He pressed his lips to mine again, but this second kiss felt excruciatingly restrained.

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