Page 79 of The Mechanics of Lust

He pulled away and took a step back. “You wanted to talk?” He looked nervous, his tone wary, and my heart sank once again.

“You sure you’re okay to drive home tonight?” I checked, hoping for a reason to change his mind about staying.

“I’m fine,” he said smoothly. “I stuck to light beer.”

“I won’t see you for ten days over muster. I suppose I was kind of hoping you might reconsider staying,” I tried.

“I... can’t.” Shadows hid most of Zach’s expression but as the oak branches moved with the wind, I caught a glimpse of bleak green eyes. “It’s crazy before muster.”

Right. I knew a brush-off when I heard it, which left close to zero chance that the conversation I wanted to have was headed anywhere good.

Which meant I had nothing to lose.

In the restaurant, the closed sign was hanging in the window, but the lights still blazed, and I could see Charlie and her man, plus Jules, and Roz, and the server, all talking at a table with drinks in hand. I reached for Zach’s hands and drew him further behind the tree.

His eyes met mine and I caught the soft edge of something before it flickered and was gone. “Luke—”

“Zach—”

We spoke at the same time, then stopped and stared at each other.

“You first,” he offered.

I nodded. This was it. I sent out a silent prayer.Anytime now would be good, baby girl. But as the words formed in my head, the weight of rejection was already building.

Still, fuck if that was going to stop me from actually saying them.

“I like you, Zach,” I began. “But you already know that. You maybe even suspect that Iway morethan like you.”

His sigh was accompanied by a gentle nod of the head. “I know.”

“But what you might not know is that I’m falling in love with you. No, scratch that. I’minlove with you.” There, I’d said it.

Zach froze. Like literally froze. Not a muscle moved. He didn’t even blink an eye for what felt like the longest time. “You—” He licked his lips. “But you—” He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again, there was nothing but confusion there. “You can’tloveme, Luke.”

I almost laughed, he looked so stunned. “And why not?”

“Because...” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Because it’s too fast.”

“According to who?” I countered. “I fell for Gil almost overnight, a month tops. There’s no timetable for this stuff.”

He was fervently shaking his head. “And look what happened to you and Gil.”

Ouch. My hackles rose. “Hey. Just because Gil and I didn’t make it doesn’t mean we weren’t in love. And Holden and Gil fell pretty fast.”

Zach blanched. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I only meant—” His shoulders slumped. “It was years before I knew I was in love with Holden. And you’ve got a ton of stuff going on with Callie and a new job. Not to mention you’re only here because, in your own words, you’re looking to find a way forward. What we’ve been doing is just... enjoyable and... convenient... for both of us, right?”

Whoa.I drew a sharp breath and gathered the shreds of my dignity as best I could. “Well, damn, I guess that tells me,” I replied mirthlessly and Zach flushed under the streetlight, his pale skin turning a shadowy grey. “But you’re wrong. You wereneversimply convenient, Zach. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since the first day we met. If anything, you’ve been the mostinconvenient thing to ever happen to me.”

Zach’s eyes widened. “But—” His gaze slid off my face, but I wasn’t letting him off that easily. I cupped his cheek and turned him back to face me.

“Did I want you? Of course I bloody did. You’re gorgeous. Were you a distraction? Only in that you made me feel for the first time in fucking forever. But were you convenient? Hell no, you weren’t. I knew I was in trouble that first night you stayed, when we hadn’t even slept together. You’re smart and funny and sexy and kind, and I want as much of you as I can get, for as long as I can get it.”

He shot me a pained look. “But you’re not staying, Luke.”

I swallowed hard and eyeballed him.Here goes nothing.“I have one or two ideas about how to change that.”

His eyes narrowed. “But you were only supposed to be here for a few months. That was the plan. That was the only reason I agreed to this. You and I having some fun for a bit and then you go home.” He sounded almost betrayed. “I can’t have you staying just because of me. We aren’t...that.”

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