Page 94 of The Mechanics of Lust

Jules’ jaw worked like he was about to argue, but then his shoulders relaxed and he nodded. “You’re right.” He turned to me. “It’s your call, Zee.”

I blinked, not at being given the decision because I wasn’t about to let Jules override me on that, regardless. I blinked because of Luke’s clear spoken confidence in me—prepared to go toe to toe with my brother if necessary. No one had ever done that for me. Ever.

I put a hand on Jules’ arm. “He’s in shock and it’s only going to get worse in these temperatures. If we get him back to the chopper, we can overnight there safely, and then we can get him all the way down tomorrow. If we stay here, we could lose him.”

My father grunted but I shook my head at him. “No. You don’t get a say in this. You might not respect who I am, but I know exactly what I’m doing, and my gay arse is the best chance you have tonight.”

His eyes widened in a rare show of uncertainty, even fear.

I hated doing it to him, but it was the best way to make our case. “There’s three of us, and we have lights, a stretcher, and plenty of gear. It’ll be slow going, but wecando it.”

Luke gripped my shoulder. “Then let’s get it done.”

Jules put the calls through to Holden and our mother while Luke and I got Dad onto the stretcher, wrapped him in thermal blankets and a tarp, and secured him with ropes.

“This is going to be like leg and arm day times a thousand,” Luke observed wryly. “You doing okay there, hotshot?”

I gave a small smile and looped the rope back to him. “So far, so good.”

He shot me a sly grin. “So... Zee?”

I groaned. “Jules has always called me that. Don’t even think about it.”

Luke snorted. “Personally, I prefer Charlie’s Zebedee.”

My eyes flared. “Don’t you dare. I only let her call me that because I’m scared of her.”

Ignoring the fact my father was watching, Luke reached across his outstretched body and gently cupped my cheek. “You did a great job today. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

I froze at his words, at the tenderness in his tone, words failing me as my father lay between us. My father—watching another man, anothergayman touch me in a way that couldn’t be ignored for what it was. It was a surreal moment, and one I’d never imagined in my wildest dreams.

I waited for the panic to set in, for that familiar curl of uneasiness and even embarrassment at what my father would be thinking, but all I felt was... happy. So fucking happy.

“Thank you,” I whispered hoarsely.

“You’re so very welcome.” Luke smiled and dropped his hand. “I’ll go help Jules with the rest of the gear.”

My father flailed his hand my way and I leaned down to catch him mumbling something that could’ve been, “Thank you.” Then his eyes closed again and I wondered if I’d imagined it.

My gaze slid sideways to Luke and a smile crossed my face. It felt like a year, not just a week since I’d ended things between us. I wasn’t sure I even knew the man who’d done that anymore. I also wasn’t sure that I’d ever seen Luke as clearly as I did in that moment. I also wasn’t sure what, if anything, I could or should do about it.

He fumbled a water bottle and cursed as it hit the ground. I scooped it up and handed it back to him. He thanked me and our gazes met and held. And with my father still lying at our feet, and because I’d sailed past giving a flying fuck hours before, I went up on my toes and pressed a single soft kiss to Luke’s cheek.

“Thank you, for today.” My fingers trailed over that rough stubble. “Without everything you’ve done, we wouldn’t be here.” I swallowed hard. “And considering what happened... with us... you didn’t have to do any of it. But I’ll always be grateful.”

He smiled almost shyly, which looked all kinds of adorable on such a big man. Then he simply said, “Thank you. But you’re wrong about one thing. I did what I did preciselybecauseof everything that happened with us, Zach. We weren’t just that one night. We were all the days and nights before that. And I want you to be happy, whatever that takes.” He returned the kiss, his lips barely brushing my cheek, and then he went back to securing our packs like he said that kind of heart-breaking shit every day of his life.

Luke, who’d lost more in his life than most of us could survive. Luke, who had days when grief sucked him dry and laid him too low to do more than pull the bedcovers over his head. A man who still always found something to give,a lotto give. Most of which he’d given... to me.

A throat cleared and I turned to find Jules watching me with a small smile playing on his lips. My cheeks flushed hot and I grabbed the satphone from his hand. “Not. A. Word.”

He didn’t laugh as I expected. Instead, he drew me into a tight hug and whispered, “He’s a good man, Zach. Stop punishing yourself. Or denying yourself, or whatever it is you’re doing.”

His words startled me and I wriggled free. “I’m not—”Was I?

He arched a brow and kept his voice low. “Living in the closet for thirty years can make it damned hard to trust your heart to another person,especially when the first man you gave it to handed it back. Don’t give up, Zee.”

My eyes narrowed at the unwelcome reminder. “How about you get back to me when you finally decide to risk your own heart, yeah?”

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