Page 99 of The Mechanics of Lust

“Go.” Luke waved me off without replying.

* * *

Gathered around my father’s hospital bed, we listened to the medical team’s verdict—the family on one side, the consultant and his team of three other doctors on the other, with the charge nurse at the end. It felt like a council of war, and I supposed in some ways it was.

My father’s eyes remained locked on his primary physician like he was trying to read his mind. We all were. Right then, it was hard to feel anything but sympathy for Paddy Lane and the months of recovery he faced. He might not make life any easier for himself, but he wasn’t too different from most of the station owners in the Mackenzie. You didn’t succeed in farming the edge of the impossible by being a pushover. Dogged determination, strong leadership, grit, and a willingness to push everything to the limit was a trait shared by most. Admittedly, being a homophobic arsehole wasn’t a pre-requisite, but there were a few of those as well.

We didn’t learn anything new—it was more an opportunity for the medical team to expand a little on my father’s plan of care over the next few weeks and for us to ask questions. I took a back seat, leaving it to Mum and Jules to lead the way. I wouldn’t be taking point in Dad’s care, not if he had any say in it, but I wasn’t sure what it was going to meanfor mein the wider scheme of things.

Because no matter how my father’s recovery played out, things were about to go tits up on Lane Station. Paddy Lane was an ornery enough bastard on a good day with a tailwind and doing the work he loved with all his heart. How he was going to handle taking things slower, or worse yet, having to completely hand the reins over to Jules, who knew?

All I knew was that I wasn’t up for any more fuckery going down in my family.

I’d be there for whatever Jules and my mum needed from me, but returning to work on the station wasn’t high on my list of preferred ways to help out. As much as I loved my brother and mother, it wasn’tanywhereon that list. I would never leave Jules hanging, but I had a plan in place for my future, my survival, and moving back to Lane Station wasn’t part of it. Especially if I had to deal with my father’s homophobic bullshit all over again. He might be grateful to me for getting him down off the hill, but I wasn’t kidding myself that anything else had changed. If Jules needed my help at the station, it would only last until my father returned. There was no way I was ever going back to that bullshit again.

My mother’s hand landed on my arm, breaking me out of my musings. “Zach? Is there anything you want to ask?” She looked... overwhelmed, and my heart broke at the sight.

I shook my head. “No, I think you guys covered it.” Then I pulled her into my arms. “I’m so sorry, Mum.” I wasn’t even sure what I was sorry about. She loved my father for sure, so there was the pain and grief that came with seeing something like that happen to someone you love. But I think I was mostly sorry for all the responsibility that was about to land on her fragile shoulders, not least of all coping with her husband.

She pulled away and I caught the unguarded devastation on my father’s face as he watched my mother and then turned to follow the medical team’s departure. I’d never seen him anything but totally in control, and the vulnerability I saw jolted me.

So, no. It wasn’t going to be easy foranyof us, but especially the three of them.

My mother dragged a chair to my father’s bedside, took his hand, and began to speak in hushed tones. He listened in silence, his gaze fixed on hers.

Jules came over and we embraced. Then he led me to the window and away from our parents.

“I’m here for whatever you need,” I told him, meaning it. “Just say the word and I’ll be there. The muster—”

“Holden’s already offered.” Jules’ hand gripped tight on my shoulder. “And yes, a couple of extra bodies on the hill would be great.” He glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice. “But I want to make something clear.”

My brows peaked.

“I don’t want you to leave Miller Station and come back under some misplaced sense of loyalty. You went above and beyond the last twenty-four hours. You’ve got nothing left to prove.” He squeezed my shoulder again. “You’re a different man than the guy who left us last year. A better man. Stronger. Come and help out when we need it, sure. But I want you to live your life. I don’t want you moving back. We’ll be okay.”

I couldn’t deny the relief. It was so very Jules. Always looking out for me. “But what about you?” I shot back. “Areyouliving your life?”

He gave a slow blink. “This isn’t about me.”

“But—”

“Please, Zach. I can’t deal with that right now.”

I caught the sadness in his eyes and simply nodded. “Okay. But we’re not done.”

“I know.” A small smile tugged at his mouth. “So, what about you and Luke? The past twenty-four hours, the two of you looked a combination of excruciatingly awkward and inexplicably cosy all at the same time. Hard to pull off, but you somehow managed it.”

I groaned. “Don’t start.”

He considered me for a moment. “All right. One more thing and then I’ll shut up.”

I groaned and dropped my chin to my chest. “Fiiiine.”

Jules waited until I looked up. “That man loves you, Zach.”

I started at his words, but all he did was grin. “Like you didn’t already know that, or at least suspect it,” he said smugly. “It’s obvious to anyone with eyes to see the way he looks at you. The question is, what are you going to do about it? The right person doesn’t always come along at the right time, and I’m not sure we get so many opportunities that we can afford to simply throw them away.”

My mother stirred and we both glanced over.

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