Page 51 of The Mechanics of Lust

I took a moment to study him, unable to keep a silly grin from my face.

He frowned. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m impressed.” I truly was. Talking about his dogs and the plans he had, Zach had come alive, vibrating with excitement and enthusiasm. “You’ve got this all planned out in your head. You know exactly what you need to do.”

He gave a dismissive shrug. “It’s hardly running a station or piloting a commercial airli—”

I smooshed his lips between my fingers. “Don’t you fucking dare. I think you’re amazing.”

He gave a soft huff. “It’s not that big of a deal, but it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. But to be successful, it’s gonna take time and money I don’t have.”

“Maybe not right away,” I agreed. “Do you have a business plan?”

He shook his head. “I did kind of have one, but that’s when I thought I’d be able to use Lane Station as my base. Dad had even floated the idea of borrowing off him to finance the start-up. Clearly, that’s no longer an option. It’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have relied on himorthe station. On top of all that, I left with nothing much to show in the bank for ten years working there. Dad paid us the minimum because of our trustee standing. We were eligible for a percentage profit share through that, but I always left mine in there to accrue rather than risk spending it. God knows what’ll happen to it now.” He rolled his eyes.

“Aren’t you still entitled to that?” I protested, outraged on his behalf. “Surely your dad can’t simply refuse to pay you out?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure. He’s a canny bastard. I’m sure he has it covered.”

“You need to get legal advice.”

He stared at me, then nodded, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “You know, you’re right. Maybe I will. Either way, a year is long enough to be couch-surfing in Holden’s cottage. I need to get myself sorted, although it’s not like I’ve got a bunch of other skills to put to use.”

I almost choked. “You don’t... what? Zach, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about shepherds over the last year, it’s that you guys are like the fucking multi-tool of the farming world.”

Zach huffed out a laugh. “A multi-tool?”

“Hear me out. There is nothing you guys can’t put your minds and hands to. Every one of you is part mechanic, part veterinarian, part builder, part plumber, part engineer, part tourism operator, part nurse, part doctor, part athlete, part search and rescue heroes, and some of you are even part frickin’ porn stars.” I eyed him pointedly and he laughed. “How the hell do us mere mortals compete with that?”

He rolled over and planted a kiss on my mouth. “Porn star, huh? I’ll take it. But you’re nuts.”

“No, I’m not,” I said in my best don’t-fuck-with-me tone. “I’m in awe of what you can do, Zach, and you need to start believing in yourself a bit more. That’s also something I’ve noticed about shepherds. The life you guys lead is such a closed shop. It’s solitary in lots of ways; even as part of a team you’re all half-freaking hermit. But that means you stop seeing yourselves clearly. Seeing who you are and what you’re capable of.”

Zach had fallen quiet, his serious eyes intent on mine, his face pale in the moonlight.

I tapped my finger to his chest. “Youare capable of doing anything you set your mind to with your dogs. Of that, I’m sure. And if your experiences with your dad and Holden taught you anything, I hope it was that you’re a survivor, Zach. You’re determined and self-reliant, and when you want something, I can’t imagine you letting a bit of fear or disappointment or heartache get in your way. That puts you miles ahead of most people. If your old business plan has to be mothballed, so what? Draw yourself up a new one. It’s clear this is your passion, Zach. So why not pull out all the stops and give yourself a chance of making it a reality? I—”

“Shh.” Zach’s fingers pressed against my lips. “Enough.” The moonlight caught the glint of tears brimming in his eyes and my chest squeezed tight.

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“I said hush.” Zach studied me from a heartbeat away, a deep frown on his brow and those shiny eyes. “Who are you, Luke Nichols?” He leaned in and ran his nose along my jawline and then up into my hair. “Every time I think I have a handle on you, I find another angle, another layer.”

He paused in front of my face, his lashes beating once, twice. Then he smiled and warmth lit up my chest. “Maybe the things you said are true. Maybe some are more wishful than anything else. But you’re right about a couple of things. I’ve been wallowing in my sad story—”

“Ineversaid that.”

“I know.” He held up a hand. “But I think maybe that’s what I’ve been doing. And you’re right about another thing. I’ve always looked at Holden and seen this incredibly capable guy. Someone I admire and aspire to be like. I just never thought that maybe I’m that guy too.”

I smiled and brushed my nose against his. “Down to your cute little toes.”

He swallowed another smile and nodded. “Well, all right then. Maybe Icando more than I think. Maybe it’s only me who’s been stopping me. Maybe,probably,I’ll have to start slower than I want. But I could at least start, right? If I don’t, nobody else is going to.”

I didn’t have any words, and even if I did, they wouldn’t have made it past the lump in my throat.

Zach cradled my face and kissed me soundly. “Thank you. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

I stared into those earnest eyes and felt myself falling.

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