Page 52 of The Mechanics of Lust

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

Zach

I tuckedmy head against Luke’s chest, unable to hold on to the intense emotion in those penetrating blue eyes, like I might disappear under their scrutiny and lose myself completely. There was something raw and acutely painful about his insights—like he’d peeled the skin from my bones and taken a peek at the parts of me I worked so hard to hide, even from myself.

The excuses I’d made over the last year.

The reasons to keep waiting, but for what?Whywas I waiting? For my father to change his mind? For that reversal to somehow rescue me from the hard decisions?

Well, fuck that.

I wasn’t sure I’d even want it to.Nothingcould undo what had happened the previous year. It could be patched, maybe. But there was something irrevocable in what had occurred. Something that forever changed things in my relationship with my family, with my parents.

I hated every part of what had happened, everything except knowing I had a safe haven to retreat to in Miller Station. But I’d been licking my wounds for long enough.

And Luke had seen that in me. Seen it and been brave enough to lift it into the light. Maybe he recognised things from his own experience after losing Callie.

Half of me wanted to fuck him into the mattress for being that perceptive, and for having that level of faith that I could achieve what I hoped to. The other half of me wanted to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction because I didn’twantto be seen. Not by a man again. Particularly a man I liked. A man whose opinion, for some reason, seemed to matter. Like Holden’s had. But especially I didn’t want to beseenby Luke—a man who was blithely crossing every line I’d drawn in the sand to protect my heart like they weren’t even there.

The room became suddenly small, my bed even smaller. I couldn’t breathe.

“Anyway.” I slid quickly from between the sheets. “You need to get going before anyone misses you.”

He blinked in surprise but I ignored it, thrusting his clothes toward him as he swung his feet onto the floor. He stared at them for a second like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening, and I didn’t blame him.

“Thanks forcoming,” I teased. “I had a good time.” For some regretful reason, I decided to add a saucy wink, which surely put theiin ridiculous, and then shot him a sunny smile I didn’t feel and opened the window. I then stood alongside, making it clear the timing wasn’t negotiable.

He looked a little stunned but then took the clothes from my hands and started to dress. Watching him, I fought the urge to simply rip them off his body once again. Tell him to get back in that bed and maybe cuddle me a little longer. Because that would be such a smart thing to do, right?

Finally dressed, he blocked my attempt to sidestep his approach, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me... thoroughly... the zing threading all the way down my spine and into my balls, adding a little peppery oomph to my dick along the way. “And yes—” He ran his thumbs over my hot cheeks. “—that was indeed agoodtime.”

I’d have said he was taking the piss, but his expression was deadly serious.

“Can I maybe call you or text?”

I jumped to answer, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last night was fun, but it didn’t change anything.”Liar.

He gave a slow nod, but I didn’t miss the slight sting that registered in his eyes at my words. “Of course,” he said evenly. “It’s your call.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate your help—I mean...” I fumbled. “You know, helping me to see... well, encouraging me, I guess. Because I do. Appreciate it. But that doesn’t mean we should... that I want...” I hesitated, and Luke waited, his expression a mask. We both knew what happened from here on would be down to my next few words.

So, what the fuck did I want? I wanted Luke to go. To not be a complication in my life. I wanted him to stay. I wanted this to be it between us. I wanted as much of him as I could get.

What eventually came out of my mouth was as much of a surprise to me as to Luke, judging by his crooked smile. “Maybe we could, you know, play things by ear?” It sounded so sensible and solved absolutely nothing. “Like if we happen to randomly run into each other and we’re, I don’t know...”

“In the mood?” he offered.

I pointed a finger at him. “Exactly.”

“Or maybe you find yourself in town one evening and you want to... drop by?”

I nodded. “Or maybe you’re dropping some guests at the station?”

“Excellent point.” A sly smile stole over his face. “So,ifwe happen to find ourselves in that kind of handy proximity, then, I don’t know, maybe one of us could text?”

I made a fair impression of a nodding bobblehead. “Precisely. Just check in and see how the other one is fixed, right? No pressure. No plans. Keep it... casual.”

“Casual.” He seemed to be running the word through his brain, but there was a quirk to his lips that I couldn’t read. “Right.”

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