Page 66 of The Mechanics of Lust

I could try to convince myself otherwise with a whole lot of bullshit terms like compassion, and kindness, and even friends with benefits simply doing the decent friendship stuff for someone in pain, but I’d have been lying to myself.

I couldn’t get my head around it. How could it be true when a year ago I’d been in love with Holden?

Hadn’t I?

Dammit, I sucked at this casual shit. I should’ve learned my lesson after Holden. Then again, maybe I was the pathetic type who fell in love with every fucking man he slept with.

I stood at the end of the bed and studied Luke’s face, the calm of sleep smoothing the lines of grief that had consumed his expression the night before. I glanced at the photo of Callie on the dresser and my heart squeezed. How did a parent survive that kind of loss? Two grieving fathers. Two very different paths travelled. Paths that had no end.

Any relationship Luke had in the future would always come with Callie and the pain of her loss. How did two people navigate that? How did Gil and Holden? How did you know you were ready to take that on, to love again? How did you not fuck that up? How did you know you loved someone enough to try?

Luke muttered something in his sleep and rolled onto his back. I waited until he settled again and then tiptoed back to the door. I was in way over my head, and the most sensible course of action was to leave Luke to sleep, grab the dogs, and head home.

At the station, I could think.

At the station, everything was less complicated.

At the station, I was Zach Lane, shepherd, dog trainer, and good mate.

At the station, I could imagine a life that didn’t put my fucking heart at risk... again.

I’d watched the man I’d been in love with fall for another man and then watched my arsehole father turn his back on me. I wasn’t sure I could take another hit so soon.

After one final look, I pulled Luke’s door closed, tiptoed back into the kitchen, and watched the dogs scoot around the chilly backyard. The sudden drop in temperature was a sober reminder of the icy mornings coming, and I hoped we weren’t in for an early winter storm before we got the mobs down from the hill. Wouldn’t be the first time.

I glanced back toward Luke’s bedroom and sighed. I needed to leave but I couldn’t seem to get my feet moving. I pulled out my phone and Jules picked up on the second ring.

“Isn’t this your day off?” Jules breathed heavily into the phone, and I could imagine him already busy in the woolshed.

“It is.” I watched Jojo ambush Nina from behind the lemon tree, their paw marks creating a crazy pattern in the light frost.

“And your first thought was to call me?” Jules laughed and the clear sound of it made me smile.

“I’m in trouble.”

“Shit. Hang on.” Jules issued muffled instructions to someone and then came the sound of a door closing. “Okay, I’m all ears,” he said as he came back on the line. “Do I have to kill someone or hide a body? Cos I have to tell you, I’m a bit short on time today.”

I snorted. “Nothing like that. But if I tell you I’m currently standing half-naked in Luke Nichols’ kitchen with him asleep in his bedroom, and it’s not the first time I’ve been here, does that give you some idea?”

Silence.

“Jules?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here. I’m just trying to get past the half-naked bit. I thought you didn’t like Luke?”

“Yeah, well, I might’ve possibly overplayed that card. Ididn’tlike him. But since he moved here, I’ve got to know him a little better.”

Jules laughed. “I’d say that’s putting it mildly.”

“Shut up. He’s a good guy.”

“You don’t have to convince me.” Jules took a second, then added, “So, you’re lighting up the sheets with Luke and having some fun. I’ve yet to see the problem.”

I sucked in a breath. “The problemis, I think I really like him.”

Jules chuckled. “Jesus, Zach. You make it sound like the damn plague. He’s nice. You’re nice. You’re getting a few nice feelings and having nice sex—” He hesitated. “Aren’t you?”

I groaned. “Best sex of my life.”

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