Page 82 of The Mechanics of Lust

With the noise of laughter and piss-taking in the background, I pulled my phone from my pocket and stared at the screen like I had a million times in the week since I’d left Luke standing in Main Street. Not that I’d made it very far—around the corner and into the supermarket car park had been as far as I could manage before something caved inside.

Hidden from view, I’d come to a screeching halt and slammed my palms against the wheel, choking back tears like a fucking idiot while second-guessing everything I’d just done—something that had become a bit of a recurring theme.

It had all seemed so clear at the time. But the more time that passed without seeing Luke, the less important all those concerns I’d had about the two of us together seemed to become.

Maybe because I’d lied to Luke that night. I’d lied when I’d said that my future plans had never included him. The truth was, I’d done nothingbutimagine Luke there with me, alongside me. I’d fantasised about us lying in bed on the weekends with the dogs between us and taking more of those walks along the canal. About competing at trials with Luke watching. And having him fly us to my favourite remote places in the Mackenzie—to picnic in the mountains or ski on glaciers.

I’d fantasised a hundred ridiculously romantic scenarios that had my heart craving for something my head didn’t seem to want to believe in anymore. Between me and Jules, I’d always been the dreamer. Whenhad I become so cynical?I squashed the voice in my head that screamed,a year ago.

You’re not cynical, I kept telling myself. You’re being practical.

I sighed and read the text again, the one Luke had sent the night I’d left him standing on Oakwood.

These last couple of months with you have meant more to me than you’ll ever know. I haven’t felt happiness in a long time. I haven’t felt much of anything at all. But you’ve given me hope that even though it won’t be with you, maybe love’s not done with me yet. I won’t make things awkward. This is my last text on the subject. Yes, I’d like to stay friends. Take care of yourself, Zach. You’re a talented, beautiful man, and you’re going places. Don’t ever settle for second best.

Dammit to hell. Why did he have to be so... so... fucking perfect?

I’d fully expected...deservedto be ghosted. In fact, to have Luke avoid me for a year or two would’ve been just dandy.

It would’ve been... safe.

It would’ve givenhimtime to leave.

It would’ve givenmetime to reset my brain, my heart, and my dick, and not necessarily in that order. Time to get busy with my business with no chance of being distracted by a man who had the potential to throw me right off track. Because no matter how much I liked him or where Luke’s life might lead him,Iwasn’t leaving the Mackenzie, and I didn’t have the stomach for any more heartbreak.

I read the text again.

But no, Luke was clearly going to be a gentleman about the whole thing. It was such an arsehole move. Because it made me feel guilty. Because it reminded me why I liked him so much, and yes, more than liked him—something I’d been thinking a lot about over the previous week. Not that it changed anything.

Except that maybe it changed everything.

Charlie appeared, dragging a chair behind her. She dropped it alongside mine and sank into it with a groan, stretching her legs to wriggle her feet by the crackling fire. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and handed her a beer from the chillybin.

“Thanks.” She pulled the tab and we clinked cans.

After a minute of both of us staring at the fire and sucking on our beers, she elbowed me gently. “So, exactly what rat crawled up your arse and died, Mister Glumface?”

I elbowed her back. “No rats here. And good evening to you, too.”

She snorted. “Good try, but not a chance in hell. Seriously, Zebedee, you’ve been moping around all week looking like someone shot your dog. Muster is the best fucking ten days of the year, man, and I don’t need your sad-arse pouty face messing with my good vibes.”

I almost choked on my mouthful of beer. “Wow, I appreciate the heartfelt concern.”

She grinned. “You’re welcome. It can be a burden always putting others before myself, but I wear the mantle lightly.”

“Oh my god.” I laughed and gave her a playful shove. “You’re the worst.”

“I try. Come on, Zach, spill.”

“There’s nothing to spill.”

“Riiiight.” Charlie knocked her foot against mine. “That’s why you almost fell arse over kite down that scree today. In all our years of mustering together, I’ve never once seen you come even close to doing that.”

“It’s this bloody mountain fog. Everything’s damp. I just lost my footing. I don’t know why everyone’s making such a big deal about it.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact you’ve been so distracted you practically needed an arrow pointing downhill every ten steps just so you could find your way back this afternoon.”

I bit back a smile because she was right. I was a veritable legend on muster for my ability to navigate the trickiest slopes and rocky climbs. Tom even referred to me as the team goat. But instead of my usual panache on the hill, I’d spent most of the week patching up scrapes and bruises and cursing my stupidity. Even Jojo and Nina had taken to giving me a wide berth after I tripped over Jojo from not watching where I was going and stomping on Nina’s paw. It kind of said it all.

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