Page 24 of The Science of Attraction

“Hey there.” He still looked... uncertain, and I hated that he did. Hated that my idiocy was responsible. He glanced at the crystalline scenery and added, “Not quite a hoar frost, but pretty damn close. Should be a beautiful afternoon.”

I followed his gaze. “Yeah, it’s pretty stunning. One out of the books.”One out of the books? Was I my mother now?I mentally cringed, debating whether to continue the pretend-nothing-happened awkward conversation and then thought, fuck it, and said wryly, “Are we doing small talk now?”

Jules snorted and cut the engine. “Not if I can help it. I appreciate the bluntness, by the way, and I’m glad I ran into you. I, um, I want to apologise for last night.”

What?I stopped running in place and stared at him blankly. “Youwant to apologise? I think it’s me who needs to apologise. I read things wrong and I crossed a line. I’m sorry. I don’t make a habit of hitting on straight guys and I hope I didn’t embarrass you. If it makes you feel any better, I embarrassed myself enough for both of us.”

A tiny crease formed between his brows and those flint-grey eyes grew serious. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And, as it turns out, you didn’t read things wrong. I’m... well I’m not straight.”

I stared at him. “You’re not straight.”

He smiled. “I believe I just said that.”

I held up a finger. “Don’t get smart with me.”

He swallowed a smile as I continued to stare.

“Okay.” I blew out a sigh. “Then I have to go with bi, judging by the slow dance with the cute blond last night. It didn’t look like that was any hardship for you.”

His cheeks flushed pink and he nodded. “No, no hardship. Laura and I have a history. She’s a lovely woman and there was a time we were pretty serious.”

“Mmm.” I studied him for a moment. “But you’re obviously not out or your father would’ve had something to say about it.”

He sighed. “No, and to be honest, I’ve never seriously considered coming out.”

I frowned. “Because of him?”

He held my gaze. “Partly, sure. But mostly because I’ve always been a lot more attracted to women, and I guess I see my future there. So, why poke the bear, right?”

Ouch.Well, I did ask. “Okay, I get that. I mean, I know the bi thing isn’t always a fifty-fifty split, right? That you can have preferences and shit. I’m guessing this is a ‘thanks, but no-thanks’ conversation, then?”

There was something wistful about his smile as he reached for my hand. I let him take it and stepped closer, close enough to catch the fresh scent of his body wash and notice the frozen ends of his damp hair.

His thumb grazed the back of my hand as I lost myself in those cool, grey eyes. “I’ve always appreciated men, always known that I could... go there, I suppose. But I’ve never met a guy who’s made me want to take that step, especially knowing my dad’s likely reaction.”

I thought about what he wasn’t saying. “So you’ve never actually been with a guy?”

His cheeks pinked. “A few stolen kisses and some inept fumbling on a school sports exchange with a kid from Christchurch Grammar once, but that’s about it.”

I must’ve looked as gobsmacked as I felt because his blush deepened.

“You have to remember that the entire Mackenzie Basin is like a small town. And for someone like me, onthisstation, withmyfather, any guy I take a risk for had better be worth the possible cost.”

“And I take it no one has?”

His expression was hard to read, but he said, “No.”

I let go of the breath I’d been holding and it came out in a disappointed sigh. “Well, thanks for clearing that up. At least now I don’t have to feel like an idiot for getting it wrong.” I should’ve felt relieved. His rejection saved me a ton of soul searching about whether I should or shouldn’t take him to my bed. But all I felt was regret.

Jules’ thumb was still tracing circles on the back of my hand as I slid it free and those stormy eyes drilled into mine as he said, “I do appreciate the interest, though, just so you know.” And fuck me, there it was again. That look. Like he was holding on by a thread.

Still, he’d been more than clear. I managed a smile and a small salute and replied, “I live to serve. And now I really need to get moving before my muscles seize up completely. Have a good day, Jules.”

He gave an enigmatic smile, wished me the same, and headed off down the road with Hopper balanced on the back of the quad, barking like a crazy dog at absolutely nothing.

I watched until they were little more than a distant flurry of dust, then stretched my cooling muscles and headed the same direction at a much more leisurely pace. Nothing like a solid kick to your ego to take the spring out of your step and hang a cloud over a perfectly lovely day.

Exercised and breakfasted, I spent the remainder of Saturday morning catching up on laundry before Norma kindly lent me her car for a trip to the supermarket in Oakwood. Along with a general stock-up of my favourite snacks and goodies, some beer, and a few bottles of wine, I was seduced by a packet of frozen pan-fried dumplings, which I threw in my trolley for dinner. I was home by mid-afternoon and immediately set about making a soy-orange dipping sauce to have later with the dumplings.

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