Page 41 of The Geography of Happiness

From the corner of my eye, I saw Gil watching us with a curious look on his face. A part of me inwardly groaned, but aneven bigger part simply saidfuck him. I was past caring about what Gil Everton’s sixth sense might be telling him. The man was an emotional bloodhound of the highest order, but he was also one of the most trustworthy people I’d ever met.

“Well now, Mister Smarty Pants,” Terry said cockily. “It just goes to show how wrong a man can be. I don’t know how you started your morning, but I for one began it with a brisk dip in the lake. How’s that for stepping out of my comfort zone?” He eyed me meaningfully.

Gil’s mouth dropped open. “A swim? At this hour? Are you crazy?” He put a hand on Terry’s forehead. “No fever, so I’m going with the crazy option.”

Terry laughed. “It was good, actually. Blue-ball freezing but... good.” He looked back at me. “I feel more alive than I’ve done in a long while.”

I tried not to read too much into the comment and instead held my palm up for a high five, and Terry obliged. “I’m proud of you,” I said, unable to keep the grin off my face.

Terry’s cheeks turned dusty again and a shy smile crept over his lips. “Thanks. It felt good to shake things up a bit.” He held my gaze until Gil cleared his throat.

“Well, you’re a braver man than me.” Gil studied Terry with those shrewd eyes of his. “Still, you’re on holiday, right? There’s never a better time to push the boat out a little.”

“I guess.” Terry glanced over to where Holden was cursing up a storm as he tried to flip an uncooperative ewe onto her back. “But it still feels strange knocking around on my own. Like I’m missing a limb or something. I can’t seem to settle.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Gil sympathised. “Luke and I lost a daughter a few years back, and you don’t realise how much a child becomes your entire life until suddenly they’re not there. I imagine Hannah keeps you even busier as a solo dad.”

“She does. And I heard about your daughter. Zach mentioned it yesterday.” He glanced nervously between us. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed?—”

“Not at all.” Gil smiled reassuringly. “Everyone knows the story. It’s even become part of the station’s legacy. We scattered her ashes in one of the rivers bordering the property.”

Terry studied Gil with soft eyes. “That’s a lovely tribute. I don’t know how you survived. I can’t even imagine losing Hannah like that.”

Gil gave a gentle sigh. “You find a way to move on.” His gaze switched to Holden, who finally had the ewe under control and was yelling for Charlie to bring him the hoof shears. “And if you’re lucky, maybe someone comes along who can help with that.”

Terry’s lips quirked up. “You guys, all four of you, certainly have a... unique relationship.”

I laughed. “That’s one way of putting it. Just fucking weird is another. But what Gil says is true. I never met Callie and yet I feel her presence here as well.”

Gil reached for my arm and squeezed it. “Thanks, Spence.”

I shrugged and put my hand atop his. “It’s the truth.”

Terry was watching Holden. “So, in a way, he saved you.”

Gil snorted with laughter. “Jesus, don’t let him hear you say that. He’d like to think he saved me, but he doesn’t have any superpowers, as much as he’d like you to believe otherwise. It was more the realisation that Icouldfeel again when I’d been numb for so long. That something so foundational could change. It helped me find a way back, even if I almost didn’t take it. Thank God I came to my senses.”

A deep crease marked Terry’s forehead. “I admire you. I’m not sure I’d have the strength. I was only sixteen when Hannah came along, so it’s not like I had a life or knew what it was like to be an adult, or anything, really. It’s nearly always been just thetwo of us. We’re down here supposedly prepping Hannah for the opportunity to board at Nolan Academy next year, and in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m finding it hard learning to let go.”

Gil’s brows crunched. “That’s a lot of responsibility to take on at such a young age. And yes, Hannah told me about Nolan Academy when I took her on the station tour, and I don’t envy you that decision. For what it’s worth, one thing I learned about being a parent in all the shit that went down after Callie’s death was that you have to find a way to keep a kernel of you, of Terry O’Connor, alive as an individual, a man in your own right, someone other than just someone’s dad. I didn’t do that for myself, and Luke and I failed to do that as a couple. Callie became our purpose for living, our only common bond, and it sucked the life out of our marriage. I imagine it could do the same thing to a solo parent if you’re not careful, especially when you were so young.”

Terry shot me a soft sad look and I wanted to pull him into my arms. From what he’d told me about how closed off he could be with his friends, I knew he was taking a huge risk speaking any of this aloud to Gil, just like he’d done with me. I was so proud of him.

And like he read my mind, Terry held my gaze and said, “Lost childhoods, right? They come in all shapes and forms.”

Without thinking, I instantly replied, “Yeah, they do. Maybe the secret is learning how to give that child a space to breathe in your adult life.”

Terry grinned. “Like freezing your arse off in a glacial lake?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, like freezing your arse off in a glacial lake.”

Gil looked between us but didn’t ask. Instead, he regarded Terry with affection and said, “From what I’ve seen, Hannah is a great kid and you should be proud of what you’ve achieved. Boarding school isn’t leaving home. If you decide to let her go, Hannah will still need you, maybe even more than she does now.And by the time she’s old enough to truly leave home, you’ll be ready to let go. That’s why God invented teenagers. So that parents didn’t want to keep their kids forever.”

Terry snorted, but his frown remained. “NowthatI can understand. Thanks for the advice.”

Gil nodded. “Anytime. If you wanna talk some more, come find me. I can’t promise I won’t put you to work in my kitchen though.”

Terry nodded happily. “I can wield a spatula with the best of them.” Then he turned to me. “Hannah wants to see Miller. I said I’d ask if it was okay.”

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