Page 87 of The Geography of Happiness

I took a long guzzle of the IPA he’d bought the day before and leaned back against the headboard. “You’re exaggerating. And also, this happens to be my bedroom. A knock wouldn’t go amiss, you know.”

“Pfft. The door wasn’t fully closed, and every little brother knows that’s code forcome right on in.”

I scowled. “When we were kids, maybe.”

He huffed. “Aw, come on, grumpy pants. Throw me a bone. I’m sick of my own problems. Let me feast on yours for a bit.”

I studied him. “How do you know I’ve got a problem?”

“Really?” he scoffed. “Let’s start with the way you amp up before you call him, all excited like?—”

“I do not.”

Derek held up a finger. “I’mtalking. Aaaand then when you’re done, you look like someone stole your ice-cream.”

“You’re talking rubbish.” I took another swallow of beer and stared at Miller who was lying on the floor looking up at me with those big soulful eyes.

“So, who is he?”

I shot my brother a look. “How do you know it’s a he?”

Derek shrugged. “Heorshe, I couldn’t give a fuck. What I do care about is you. And the fact you’re trying to run circles around me on this, tells me I’m right. Whoever thispersonis,they’ve got under your titanium crocodile skin and given you—” He shuddered. “—feelings.”

I snorted at his antics and wanted to lie, but his words stopped me. Derek had spent three days spewing his feelings to me. I didn’t blame him for wanting some payback. “Okay, arsehole.Hisname is Terry.”

Derek pointed his bottle my way. “An excellent start. All the Terry’s I’ve ever known have been straight-up guys.” Then he winked. “Or hopefullynot-so straight in this guy’s case.”

I rolled my eyes. “Do you want to know or not?”

Derek zipped his lips and I gave him the condensed version of Terry’s and mynon-relationshipstatus.

“Wow, big brother.” Derek eyed me sympathetically. “It’s taken a while, but someone finally got their hooks into you.”

I huffed dismissively. “He hasn’t got his hooks in me. He’s not interested in anything except friendship. He’s one hundred per cent committed to his daughter and I totally respect that.”

“Doesn’t mean he hasn’t got his hooks into you though, does it?” Derek pointed out. “Only that he’s not looking to land you, and that must suck.”

It was a horrible pun that deserved another eye-roll.

Derek ignored it. “So, what makes this guy different from the hundreds of others who have passed through the revolving door that happens to be your bed?”

“For fuck’s sake,” I groaned, sliding down the headboard. “Do we have to do this?”

“Yes, we do,” he pressed. “You’ve spent years shouting loud enough for everyone to hear that you don’t want the responsibility of a relationship, let alone anything that involves kids, which I totally get. You had it tough stepping in like you did with us. I don’t blame you for resenting us back then and for not wanting a revisit. So, how come this guy?”

A thorny knot of guilt wound tight in my gut and my heart squeezed. “Ineverresented you guys.”

He shot me a look of disbelief. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that, Spence, because you’ve never lied to us... except maybe when you told us you’d come home every vacation when you left for university.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, unable to meet his gaze. “I... I’m sorry I wasn’t there as much as I should’ve been.”

The mattress dipped and Derek crawled onto the bed to take a seat at my side. Miller joined him, lying across both our legs. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, reaching for my hand. “The others were too young to understand, but I knew why. Hell, I was surprised you didn’t hightail it off the farm sooner. I’d have got out the minute I turned sixteen. But you stayed until you were almost nineteen, and that says something important about you, Spence. Ifyouhadn’t stayed, I might never have made it to university.”

That shocked me. “Really? But when I left, it putyouin charge. That was hardly fair.”

He sniffed. “But at least I was old enough to know what I wanted. Plus, the others were in their early teens and could mostly look after themselves. I didn’t carry half the responsibility that you did when we were little kids.”

I swallowed hard and nudged my shoulder against his. “I didn’t really mind, you know. It was just... a lot.”

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