Page 21 of Strawberry Kisses

Connor grinned impishly, then winked at me. “It’s because he wanted to keep me all for himself since the dating thing is kind of new.”

“Really?” Mum asked, and I heard a note of amusement in her voice. “How new?”

“Nearly seven months,” Connor said as he flawlessly recounted the lie we’d concocted. We tried to think of what would make it most believable. In the end we’d gone for the whole friends-to-lovers thing and kept it fairly new so none of my family would start asking questions about houses and weddings. “At the end of January. But we’ve been friends for years.”

There was a sudden ache in my chest, and not for the first time, I wished this was real.

“Isn’t that perfect.” Mum stepped towards the stove, carefully removing what I now realised was a loaf of banana and fruit bread from a tin to cool. “Cara, Mary, and your Da are all in the barn setting up for tomorrow. I thought you’d probably want a moment to breathe before they set on you.” Mum grinned and looked over at Connor. “Don’t worry. They’re all lovely, but it’s a little bit like being surrounded by a pack of wolves. I hope you’re prepared for it. Luckily the rest of the family isn’t coming until tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine,” Connor said. “Although maybe I should have brought a spray bottle. Then again, I think that’s only for cats. Maybe we should do that hold-the-teddy-bear thing they make you do in primary school where you can only talk when you’re holding the bear.”

Mum threw back her head and laughed. “Well, now there’s an idea. I think I’ll get one for dinner time. It’d get me some peace and quiet sometimes.” She wiped her hands on a nearby tea towel. “Do you two want to bring your stuff inside now? I can show you what room you’re in.”

“That’d be great,” I said, finally finding my tongue. “I should bring the cake and the rest of the ingredients in too. I had them in a cool bag, but they’ll need to go in a fridge.”

“There’s room in the big one out there.” Mum gestured towards the utility room. “I cleared most of it out for you. Have you got a lot left to do?”

“Not really. It should only take me a couple of hours at most. I can do it tonight, so it has a chance to set before tomorrow. If you’re okay with me taking over your kitchen?”

“Of course, and I’ll keep everyone out of your way. Lord knows you don’t need six people trying to help.” Mum followed us out of the kitchen and across the yard towards the car, asking about the drive and chatting about the weekend as we walked. She asked Connor a few questions, but they were the kind, gentle small talk variety rather than the pointy, questioning kind.

It took us a while to work out how to carry everything back to the house. In the end we gave up trying to do it in one trip and settled for two. By the time we had the cake and decorating ingredients in the fridge and our bags in the hallway to go upstairs, I heard voices approaching outside the window. I was surprised that Mum had said it was just Cara, Mary, and Da today since I’d thought the whole family would’ve descended upon us. Maybe they’d decided to come tomorrow to give Connor and me a bit of space. Although whether that was their choice or not was another matter entirely.

I had a sneaking suspicion that Mum had put her foot down so we weren’t overwhelmed, and for that I was infinitely grateful.

“You’re in Orla’s old room,” said Mum. “Why don’t you two take the bags upstairs and come down when you’re ready? We can all have some tea and a piece of cake.” She smiled, the twinkle back in her eye. “Don’t be too long though, or I’ll send Mary up to get you. So that means nothing fun until tonight.”

“Mum!”

“What? I had four kids at your age Patrick, you think your Da and I didn’t have any fun?” She laughed at the look on my face, which was probably a mixture of shock, horror, and dismay. “Go on. If you don’t go now, they’ll be in before you’ve moved.”

“Orla’s room,” I muttered under my breath. I grabbed my bag off the floor, not quite sure I could get out of the situation fast enough. I heard Connor following me, his footsteps light on the old carpet runner that ran up the wooden stairs. When we reached the landing, I turned left and followed it to the end, opening a white wooden door on the right of the house. I’d always loved Orla’s room because it looked out over the farm and the wild hills, but when she’d moved out, it had been designated as a guest room, and I hadn’t been allowed to have it.

Mum had repainted it at some point since I’d last seen it, and now it was pastel blue with floral wallpaper decorating the wall behind the bed. There was a similar coloured quilt spread across the duvet that was piled high with cream and blue cushions. There was an armchair tucked into the corner, and various pieces of white, wooden furniture dotted around that were obviously from the same place as the bed. There was even a dressing table with a large mirror.

“This is gorgeous,” Connor said, flopping onto the bed. We’d kicked off our shoes downstairs, and I noticed the glittery threads running through his pink trainer socks. “Your mum is a hoot. I love her already.”

“I still can’t believe she said that. She’s sixty-eight. I don’t want to think about her doing that.” I moved Connor’s suitcase into the corner.

“I don’t think anyone wants to think of their parents like that.” Connor sighed happily, wiggling into the middle of the bed and stretching. It lifted his T-shirt and revealed an expanse of perfect, toned skin that I wanted to run my fingers over. It was so different than my own rounded stomach.

I’d never minded my body that much. It got the job done. While once upon a time I might have wanted the lean lines some of the other guys I saw had, I’d learnt to accept that was never going to be me. Where some men were firm and chiselled, I was soft. I might walk thousands of steps a day around a kitchen, and I could heft a twenty-kilogram sack of flour like it was a pillow, but I was never going to have gym-honed muscles or Connor’s dancer’s figure.

When I’d first really accepted I was gay, I’d wondered if anyone would ever find me attractive. All I ever saw were pretty men with honed abs, and I didn’t know if anyone would want me the way I was. Now, thanks to a little bit of porn surfing, I thought I had just as good a chance as anyone else. I didn’t think I was unattractive. I just wasn’t anything special.

“Are you okay?” Connor asked, tilting his head back to look at me. His T-shirt slid a little farther up, and I swallowed.

“Er, yeah fine. Just spaced out for a second.” I flicked my eyes away from Connor and looked at the bed. It was a sturdy double with a solid wood frame. Connor and I had fallen asleep on the sofa plenty of times together, but that was different from sharing a bed. Very different.

For one thing, we were always fully clothed when we fell asleep on the sofa.

“Which, um, which side of the bed do you want?” I asked.

“Either, babe. I usually sleep in the middle of mine.”

“So I’m gonna get squashed then?”

“Eh, maybe a little. Or maybe violently snuggled.”

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