Page 57 of Strawberry Kisses

“How?” Aaron asked. He was like a dog with a bone, and I wished he’d just let it go. I put scones onto a tray and chewed my lip wondering what to say. Apparently, I wondered a little too long. “Pads, you know you can talk to me, right? Like, we’re friends, and we’ve known each other for fucking years. I’m never gonna fucking judge you if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not exactly one to talk.”

“If I tell you, you promise not to laugh?”

“Never.” Aaron’s voice was soft, and he sounded genuinely concerned. Behind him I heard the sounds of more people arriving to prep for lunch. “Wanna go outside?”

“Shouldn’t you be prepping for service?”

“Eh, they’ll manage without me for ten minutes. If not, then they’re all fuckwits.” He grinned, and I shook my head. “Come on. Your scones’ll survive.”

Reluctantly, I put the cutter down and followed Aaron down the corridor and out into the sunshine. He led me around the corner of the building where there was a little patio area for staff tucked away. Technically, it was a smoking area, but Ben had put some tables and chairs out in case people wanted to chill there between services so we didn’t have to be inside all the time in the oppressive heat of the kitchens. Aaron planted himself in one of the metal chairs, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at me as I seated myself next to him. I twisted the hem of my apron in my hands, wondering where to begin.

“Tell me what’s going on,” Aaron said.

“So, well. Um.” I took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

“Congratulations. I’m assuming this is a new thing?”

“Sort of. Not new to me, but new to everyone else.”

“Okay.”

“Before the party, I finally told my parents and they, well, they put two and two together and made five. They thought because I spend so much time with Connor and because I came out, that we were dating. So they asked me to bring Connor with me to the party so they could meet him. I wasn’t sure what to do, and somehow I managed to convince Connor to be my boyfriend for the weekend, but now everything’s a mess, and I don’t know what to do.”

Aaron was quiet for a second, but I could see him putting everything together and filling in the blanks. “So you went as just friends and came back as fuck buddies?”

“I suppose. If you want to put it that way.”

“I’m gonna because it’s clearly what’s happening.” He laughed. “So, what’s wrong? ’Cos clearly something’s bothering you.” He paused and then grinned. “You like him, don’t you? You don’t wanna just be fuck buddies. You wanna be boyfriends for real!”

“Are you twelve?”

“Don’t dodge the fucking question, Pads.”

“Fine. Okay, yes. I love him, Aaron. I’ve loved him since I first met him, and I thought I’d be fine with us just being friends forever, but now we’re doing whatever this is, and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared as hell because I have no idea what I’m doing. I know I can’t lose him, but I know I’ll never be good enough for him because he’s the most amazing man in the universe, and I’m just some bloke.” I’d said all of that very fast. I was staring at Aaron because I’d given a voice to all my fears, and they all felt a lot more real.

Aaron put his hand out and patted my knee, giving me a fond smile. “Have you told him any of this?”

His question caught me off guard because he made it sound like such a simple thing. “No.”

“Maybe you should start there then.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I said, unable to keep a wistful, sad note from lingering in my voice. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore?”

“Well, then he’s an asshole ’cos you’re fucking brilliant, Patrick.” He gave me a firm look. “I’m fucking serious. I’ve never met anyone as wonderful as you, and if he doesn’t want you, then he doesn’t fucking deserve you.”

“Thanks.” I felt oddly more at ease. Aaron wasn’t the most eloquent man I’d ever met, but I always knew where I stood with him. If he said something about you, that was genuinely what he thought and how he felt. A little smile curled the corners of my lips.

“I know it’s bloody hard, talking to someone you like and putting yourself out there, but I can guarantee you if you don’t do it, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your fucking life.” He patted my knee again. “I know Connor, and honest to fucking God that boy looks at you like you’ve hung the fucking moon. It’s sickening.”

“Really? I’ve never…”

“Of course you’ve never noticed. He don’t exactly moon over you while you’re looking.” Aaron smiled. “Talk to him, Pads. Promise me.”

“Okay. I will,” I said, then laughed as Aaron sternly raised an eyebrow. “I promise.”

“Good.” He patted his knees and groaned as he stood up. “C’mon. We’d better get back before they send out a fucking search party.”

“Is Josh in today?” I asked.

---