Page 109 of Off the Pitch

Freak. Weirdo. Why should I waste my time with you?

I sighed and shook my head. “I can’t force myself to be attracted to people, believe me, I’ve tried. But I just… can’t. I know I’m not broken. God knows I’ve spent enough time talking it out with people on Tumblr, people who actually understand, but still… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this to be honest.”

“It’s okay. Thank you for trusting me.”

“That’s why it’s probably best if we don’t go on that date.” I’d parroted this response to myself so many times over the past few years that I’d almost convinced myself it was true. Even though my friends had all told me I’d find someone, I’d started to believe I’d have more luck going to the moon or convincing my parents that art was a worthwhile career. “Inevitably I won’t be able to give you what you need, and I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Kit, you’d never disappoint me.” The expression on Hugo’s face was almost unreadable. “Relationships don’t have to be about sex. Just because it’s not something that interests you, doesn’t make you undeserving of love. Whoever told you that was a dick.”

I wanted to believe him so badly. And I knew what he was saying was true. But I’d closed myself off to the idea of being loved for so long, it seemed like an alien concept to me. I didn’t even know if I could love someone in return, and Hugo deserved more than that.

Hugo deserved more than all the stars in every galaxy that ever existed.

“Kit,” Hugo said. “I’m never going to push you into something you don’t want. I’m happy if you just want to be friends. But if you ever decide you might want to give dating a try, I’ll be here. And I can promise you one thing… I’ll never, ever make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I don’t need sex to be happy.”

I nodded, my thoughts swirling like a cloud of angry bees, and I was so confused by everything, including the nausea. Did I feel sick because I was scared things wouldn’t be normal after this? Or was it because they would be?

“I’ll think about it,” I said as I picked at the hole in my sock and my heart thumped wildly in my chest.

“Okay. Would you like to watch a film when we finish this episode? I hearJurassic Parkis now on Netflix.”

“Sounds great.”

As we settled down to watch, my stomach continued to bubble, and I couldn’t get my thoughts in order. All I knew was that I wanted Hugo in my life more than anything. He was starting to mean more to me than anyone else. Well, except David. Still, the idea of losing Hugo was something I didn’t want to consider.

My brain kept me awake for most of the night, the little voice in my head whispering dark thoughts, telling me it would be better to pack my bag now because Hugo would want me out in the morning. After all, what was the point in keeping a friend who you’d rather fuck?

Nothing made sense, and by the time I finally drifted off I could have sworn I’d started thinking about elephants, but I had no idea why.

When I awoke, I could hear Hugo pottering around, singing along quietly in French to whatever was playing on Spotify. The poor man couldn’t carry a tune to save his life, but that didn’t matter to him at all, and consequently, it didn’t matter to me either. I was going to miss this when the inevitable fallout happened.

I slouched out of the spare room, already lamenting how much I’d miss the bed here because it was like sleeping on a cloud. Perhaps Hugo would let me take the mattress with me.

“Good morning,” he said as soon as he spotted me. “I made breakfast.”

He slid a plate of golden scrambled eggs on toast across the counter, placing a mug of tea down next to it.

“I hope it’s okay,” he added. “And I was thinking, if you’re not too busy this weekend, maybe we could go to the Natural History Museum and see the dinosaurs? I’ve not seen them before, and I thought it would be fun.”

I looked at him, then down at the plate, then at him again, trying to process everything—the breakfast, the rambling, the nervous smile playing across his lips. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who was worried things might not go back to normal.

I reached for the plate, ignoring the knot in my stomach. The toast was a perfect golden brown, the eggs rich and delicious. I shot Hugo the biggest grin I could manage while my face was full of food and noted that I was definitely going to have to get him to cook more often.

“Sounds perfect,” I said as I picked up the second slice.

So why did my chest feel like it was being crushed?

Chapter Ten

KitWhere do Cheesestrings come on the list?

HugoThey’re not even anywhere near the list. They are forbidden to even look at the list.

Hugo

Jordan was leaning against a lamppost, arms folded with a wry grin on his face as he waited for me to catch up. “C’mon, man. My grandma walks faster than you!”

“Fuck off,” I answered. “You could have driven us if you’d wanted to get there faster.”

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