Page 119 of Off the Pitch

MackIs that bad?

VoltNope. Of course it’s not

I sat back in my chair, twirling my stylus in my fingers as I considered his words.

Volt was one of those wonderful people who you could talk to about anything and he’d never judge and would always offer up the most amazing advice. I’d met him through Tumblr when I’d first stumbled across the furry community, and he’d been the one who’d answered my incredibly nosey questions with endless patience and good humour. Volt had also been the one I’d done my first piece of art for, and over the past seven years we’d become close friends.

He was also my go-to advisor about anything relating to sex, since he was deep into kink and in a long-term relationship with two other guys. None of my questions ever seemed to faze him, and Volt had been the one who’d first mentioned demisexuality to me, after I’d casually broken down to him about feeling… well, broken.

Volt had listened calmly, well at least I assumed he was calm since the entire conversation had been conducted via messenger, and then directed me to some blogs. He’d continued to listen to my freak-outs as everything clicked into place, and then he’d sent me a celebratory selection box of the weirdest flavoured Oreos he and his boyfriends, Flash and Ozzie, could find at Wal-Mart. A sort of ‘congratulations on starting to figure yourself out’ sort of thing.

I’d casually mentioned Hugo to him a couple of weeks ago; mostly to give him a heads up about the house thing and that I wouldn’t be online as much, but also, I think, because I was so excited and nervous to be spending so much time with Hugo. Volt had kept my nerves at bay and had said pretty similar things to David: just take it one step at a time.

But he’d also insisted on knowing absolutely everything because Volt did have the occasional tendency to get a little overexcited, rather like an overgrown puppy, which made sense considering what I knew about him.

VoltI’m gonna ask you a question now. You can tell me if it’s too much.

MackWell that’s a terrifying prospect

VoltDo you want to do it again?

MackYes

VoltCould you see yourself ever wanting more?

MackI think so… yes? I think I’d be open to it

MackI mean I’ve been thinking about it more

Volt’s question was one I’d been considering all day while I attempted to get some work done. The wordattemptedbeing the key one. For some reason nothing I did was working, and I’d spent more time walking Tim the Tiny Dinosaur across my desk while staring at a blank screen and the art brief I’d been sent by Rachel, than anything else. My mind was somewhere else and every time I tried to drag it back to the present, and work, it flatly refused.

Instead I’d spent the whole time daydreaming about kissing Hugo and the touch of his lips on mine, the feel of his fingers on my skin and the way my body had lit up like a Christmas tree. It was nice to know that I could feel like that, to feel what everyone had always told me they experienced, to feel something akin to want. At least, that’s what I assumed it was.

I’d never felt anything like this before in my life, which was frankly both terrifying and a relief. Terrifying because I had no idea whether this was what I was supposed to feel, and a relief because quite frankly the whole worrying and continuous desire to kiss Hugo was becoming a little tedious. It didn’t mean I wanted to not kiss him, it just meant that I wished I could stop thinking about it for a few hours so I could get some work done.

No wonder teenagers were so insufferable, if this was how they felt all the time.

Although, it did make my latter years of boarding school make a lot more sense.

MackI’m scared though

MackI’m not sure what I want

VoltYou kissed him for the first time YESTERDAY. You don’t have to do anything

VoltYou should focus on that rather than worrying about the future. I get the feeling your man isn’t going to push you into sex just because you made out one time

VoltIf he does, I’ll cut his balls off. Flash and Ozzie can hold him down

MackYou’re quite violent you know—but thanks

VoltAnything for you <3

Volt, as usual, was right. Just because Hugo and I had kissed once or twice, didn’t mean that he was automatically going to expect more from me. He’d been quite clear that the decisions were all mine to make, which was nice, if a little daunting. My brain kept trying to answer the question of whether one kiss meant I’d want to have sex with Hugo, and while the idea didn’t repulse me as much as it had before, that didn’t mean I was ready to throw off all my clothes.

I sighed, spinning in my chair. It was no use worrying about it now. I had other things to focus on; like this horrific art brief. Rachel’s wording was clear, but it was just the entire nature of the project. It was going to take me hours, and I had no idea where to start, and to be entirely honest, deep down, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to start. But I’d signed the contract, and now I was stuck with it.

Curse my inability to say no to people and my desire to have money.

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