Page 128 of Off the Pitch

VoltNot anymore! Spill!

I grinned, shaking my head as I quickly typed out everything that had happened yesterday—from the way I’d wanted to make Hugo moan to the way he’d felt underneath me as we’d made out on the sofa. It still didn’t quite feel real. The memory had an almost dreamlike quality to it.

My Skype rang shrilly into my headphones, and Volt’s name popped up in the corner of my screen. I clicked the Answer button because I knew he’d keep ringing until I answered.

“Is this an interrogation?” I asked, unable to keep myself from laughing as Volt’s face appeared in front of me. He was propped up against a headboard, several large pillows tucked behind his head. A pair of glasses sat resting on his nose. They were new.

He rolled his eyes. “Hardly. I just wanted to ask you some questions, and I figured this would be easier than having to type everything out.”

“The glasses are new,” I said, picking Tim up and walking him across my thigh. “They suit you.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” he said. “I’m getting old. Flash said they make me look distinguished and Daddy-like, but I think they just make me look old.” He shuddered.

“Well, you are closer to forty than thirty.” I gave him a wide, sweet smile, and he raised his eyebrow and shook his head.

“Don’t you start,” he said. “You’re as bad as Ozzie. At least I can put him over my knee,” he grumbled, but it was half-hearted at best. Volt was always fun to tease, and as far as I knew both of his partners delighted in seeing how far they could push him.

“Luckily for all of us, I’m several thousand miles away and utterly uninterested in being spanked,” I said, then stuck my tongue out at him childishly.

He laughed and stuck his tongue out in return. “Maybe not, but you’re definitely interested in something.”

I sighed. “I suppose I am.” I chewed my lip while trying to work out how to proceed. I knew I should tell Volt how I was feeling, since he’d always been the one I’d gone to for advice concerning sex and relationships. I just didn’t know where to start.

“What if I get it wrong?” I asked. “I mean I know that communication is important and that Hugo will talk to me if I do something he doesn’t enjoy… but it’s been a very, very long time since I felt like this, and I’m not really sure if I’m doing the right things.”

Volt’s face softened. “Since Will, right?”

“Yeah… and that was, seven maybe eight years ago.” I rubbed my face as I tried to remember. Shit, had it really been that long since I’d last been to Scotland? It must have been.

Will and I had grown-up together, in a round-about sort of way. He’d been the son of my grandmother’s housekeeper, and we’d played together ever since we were little. He was two years older than me, and he’d been my friend when nobody else had.

I’d always liked him. It was impossible not to. And he’d been the only person I’d ever felt any sort of attraction to before I’d met Hugo. The last time I’d seen him was the summer before my grandmother died; my last summer in Scotland.

I’d wanted to spend all my time with her because I’d known deep in my heart that that summer was it. But she’d kept shooing me away, telling me to go spend time with Will. That we were both young. That we should enjoy ourselves. That I shouldn’t be cooped up with a sick, old lady. I think she’d been trying to find a way to give me good memories alongside the inevitable bad ones that were coming.

Will and I had spent a lot of time together that summer—he’d been home from university, and I’d been about to start my final year of school. The first time he’d kissed me had been while we were walking in the forest late one afternoon. He’d said he’d wanted to kiss me for a long time. Things just continued from there and we’d had sex one night, on a blanket under the stars. It had been more teenage fumbling than anything earth-shattering, neither of us really knowing what we were doing. But it had been fun in a way.

That summer had become one endless memory of sweetness tinged with sadness.

We’d both known it was a one-summer only thing. It wasn’t really a relationship, and I’d never really counted it as such. But I’d still missed him when I’d come home and gone back to my lonely life at boarding school. The last time I’d seen Will was at my grandmother’s funeral, and the last I’d heard he was married to a man he’d met in Ireland.

I’d never dreamt I’d have that sort of connection with anyone again.

Not that I hadn’t tried, but everything after that had been a complete disaster. None of the men I’d attempted to date had understood when I’d told them I needed extra time. They’d just assumed I didn’t want to put out, and since my hideous breakup with Josh, I’d decided it wasn’t worth it.

I was more likely to strike gold than find someone who loved me the way I was.

“So yes,” I continued, dragging myself out of the past, “it’s definitely been a while. And I don’t think seventeen-year-old me was particularly well informed. All I vaguely realised was that I liked being a little more in charge. I mean, I liked giving someone pleasure.” I was rambling now, attempting to distract myself. I scrubbed at my eyes, pushing the last of my memories away.

“Well luckily for you, I have a solution,” Volt said. “I’ve sent them to you on Tumblr.”

“That sounds suspicious,” I said, clicking over to the other window and looking at the links he’d sent me. They were to a site called Pornblr. “What are these? Do I even want to open them? Is this just porn?”

“It’s educational porn,” Volt said. “A buddy of mine made them! It’s a series of videos that’ll give you an overview of gay sex with lots of good hints and tips. He’s a super experienced Dom and sex-educator. They’re really well made. And don’t worry, I’m not in any of them so you don’t have to see me naked again.”

“It wasn’t the nakedness that was the problem, it was that you didn’t prewarn me. Nobody likes surprise nudity. Especially not from their friends.”

Volt laughed. “I don’t know. Surprise nudity can be fun!”

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