Page 145 of Off the Pitch

“Okay, okay,” I grumbled. “No need to look so smug. Are you attempting to become Sherlock Holmes?”

“I think I’d look good in a deerstalker. I could get a bubble pipe. Christian could be Watson.”

“Given the state of both of you when I arrived, are you sure you’re not thinking of the fanfiction version of Holmes and Watson?”

David snorted into his tea but didn’t answer my question. Instead we sat in silence for a while, David seemingly content to wait me out, but I didn’t even know where to start or what to tell him. Perhaps he already knew? In which case I thought it was highly cruel and unusual of him to make me spell it out.

“What if he doesn’t want me?” My words were quiet, spoken more to my cup of tea than to David. “What if Hugo realises that this was a mistake—I was a mistake—and that he’d rather be with her?”

“Do you really believe that?”

“No? Maybe? I don’t know. My head is all jumbled, and it feels like someone has stuffed cotton wool between my ears, and my chest feels awful,” I said as my body began to suddenly run off a list of ills as it suddenly came back online. “Honestly, it feels as if there’s a band around my chest, and I can barely breathe, but not in a nice happy way, more in a horribly crushing sort of way. And I feel ridiculously sick, but I don’t think I’ll throw up, more heartsick I suppose. Just the thought of losing Hugo makes me want to vomit. It’s all just a mess.” I sighed, nibbling the chocolate off another biscuit. “When we were in Scotland the other week, I realised something.”

“What was it?”

“I love him.” David was giving me a soft smile, and apparently this didn’t seem to be new information. “I love him so damn much I think I might explode.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No,” I said. “I didn’t. I wanted to, but I stupidly wanted to find the right moment. I mean, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I love you, but that’s a different sort of love, I guess, because the way I feel about Hugo is the way that people always say you’re supposed to feel about someone you love.”

David nodded. “The butterflies? The fluttering chest? The stomach in knots? The way you feel absolutely and completely whole with them. You feel wanted and cherished, just the way you are. And even though they may do things to drive you crazy, you can’t imagine being apart from that other person because they make the world feel new and exciting.”

“Yes. When I’m with Hugo, I feel like I can do anything. He makes me want to be the best version of myself. I can’t stop smiling whenever I see him because I’ve never met anyone who wants me just the way I am. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m, well, me. He just rolls with it. I mean we had an entire, lengthy conversation about adopting Nessie as a pet, and his suggestion was that we move into a house with a swimming pool because it would mean that Nessie had plenty of room. Oh, we’re also getting dogs too because Hugo likes dogs. I just have to hope Nessie won’t eat them.” The memory of that day on the boat made me smile, warming me from the inside out.

“I know it’s stupid to think he might want Hélène back. I mean, I know they fought a lot, and the way he talks about her definitely suggests they don’t get on, but I’m afraid of losing the best thing in my life. I’m scared because nobody in my life has ever wanted me the way he does, and I don’t think anybody else ever will. Is love supposed to be this terrifying?”

“Yes. Well, it is in my experience,” David said as he reached out to squeeze my hand. “But I’m proud of you for figuring this out, and I love you.”

“I love you too. So, what do I do now?”

“You talk to him. Like an actual adult.”

“Again? I did that last time.”

“And look how well it turned out,” David said brightly. “I’m taking credit for this entire relationship. If you two ever get married, I shall bring it up in my best man’s speech.”

“Who said you’d be best man?”

“Who else would be?”

“I could ask Lily. She’d look fabulous in a suit.”

“I would disown you if you did that.”

“You’re not my parents.”

“Oh please, I practically am. And a wonderful one, if I do say so myself.” We both laughed, and I felt better than I had before. “Come on,” David patted my leg. “Finish your tea and I’ll take you home. I’m sure Hugo will be able to set everything straight. You two can kiss and make up. That’s always fun.” David’s comment was offhand, but the idea of kissing and making up, and remembering what had happened in Scotland made me flush.

David looked at me, his eyes wide. “Oh my God. No. No. I am not ready for this. As your parent I am not ready for this at all. You should stay at least three inches away from each other at all times.”

“But earlier you said—”

“I’m still not ready for it,” he said, then grinned. “But in all seriousness, if he hurts you, or upsets you again, don’t think I won’t hang him by his toenails from the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral.”

“And there was me thinking you’d be above threats,” I said, raising an eyebrow.

David laughed. “Never!” He stood up, his face softening into a smile. “I’m happy for you though. You two are good together, and he makes you smile. That’s all I want for you.”

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