Page 21 of Off the Pitch

Tugging gently on the back of his hoodie, I somehow managed to maneuver him into something that resembled a seated position, pulling him between my legs so his back was pressed against my chest. “If you don’t sit up and talk to me, I’m gonna give Kit the tub of strawberry cheesecake ice cream that I hid especially for you.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me.”

“When did you get so mean?”

“Academia will do that to you. Sucks out your soul like a Dementor from Harry Potter.”

“I better practice my Patronus charm then.” He grinned. “I hope it’s a Labrador.”

“You’re so fucking adorable, you know.” I chuckled, watching with some satisfaction as his face resumed its shocking pink colouration. So fucking cute.

“Thanks, I guess.”

There was an awkward pause, and I knew I was going to have to be the one who started this conversation. Time to put on my big-boy pants and use my mouth for what it was intended. Although maybe we’d get to other uses another time.

“Look,” I sighed, running my hand through my hair again. “I like, I really fucking like you,” I said. My heart was pounding, and now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. “You’re so passionate, and driven, and smart, even though you probably don’t think it. I mean you know more about football statistics and tactics than anyone I’ve ever met. And you’re so sweet and loyal. I mean, I hope Lily knows how amazingly lucky she is to have a brother like you. Plus, you’re fucking gorgeous. I can’t stop thinking about you, and if you’ll have me, I want us to be together. Because you’re awesome, Christian.”

“You’re awesome too,” he said, a little smile caressing his lips. “When Lily mentioned your name the first time, I couldn’t believe it. I’d tried to forget you for so long, but I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried, and then here you were. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You never make me feel like less than you, even though you’ve nearly got three degrees. And you’re so funny and kind, and when I saw you again, all I could think about was… was how good you looked.”

“Oh really?” I chuckled, pressing a kiss to his temple. It was all I could think to say. My entire brain seemed to have stopped functioning since Christian had opened his mouth. I’d dreamed of this happening, but I’d never expected it to become a reality. “Tell me more.”

“Don’t be an egomaniac. You look good and you know it.”

“Ouch! You’re mean.”

“Takes one to know one.” He laughed as I ran my fingers up his side, seeking out those old ticklish spots I knew still existed. He squirmed in my arms like an octopus, but I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him to my chest.

There was a pause, and even though the room was silent, I could practically hear Christian’s thoughts.

“What’re you thinking about?” I asked, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his head and breathing in the scent of his shampoo.

“Just—I don’t know.” He sighed, his fingers fiddling with the sleeve of his overlarge hoodie. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“It’s just… I’ve not done this for a while,” Christian said, suddenly becoming very interested in the floor. “The whole boyfriend thing. Not since you and I…” He trailed off, and a little pulse of sadness echoed through my chest. I wished he’d been open to letting someone into his life. That must have been so lonely.

“Christian,” I said, trying to keep my voice level and keep him running for the hills. But I had to ask the question. I had to know just how limited his contact with other guys had been. “Have you been with anyone since we broke up? Sexually or romantically, I mean.”

Christian shook his head, his pale skin turning a deep beetroot colour. “No,” he whispered. “I couldn’t tell anyone else, and I just… I couldn’t face the thought of being with anyone else.” My heart melted because how could it not after hearing that? “Is that going to be a problem?”

“Of course not,” I said, giving him what I hoped was an encouraging smile. “We can go at your pace. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. How does that sound?”

Christian nodded, his body relaxing a little. He cleared his throat and looked at me, his expression serious. “What about you? I’m assuming you had boyfriends and girlfriends?”

“A few,” I said, wondering how honest I should be about my exploits. I’d never really had this conversation before. Most people didn’t really want to know about your exes before they fucked you. Not that I really had many people that could be classified as exes. “I did my fair share of bed-hopping but nothing serious. I guess I’ve only really had one boyfriend, and that only lasted a year.”

“Why?” Christian asked, tilting his head with a little wrinkle of confusion between his eyebrows, which was so bloody endearing I’d have confessed to anything. “You’re amazing.”

“Thanks.” I chuckled and shook my head. “We just weren’t right for each other. He was in his mid-thirties, and I was doing my master’s degree. It was really fun, but at the end of the day, we weren’t what the other needed or wanted, so our breakup was pretty friendly. But Carter did try to teach me to be organised, so I guess that was one good thing.”

Christian laughed and nodded his head towards my unruly stack of papers and books on the dining room table. “Very organised.”

“I didn’t say he’d been successful.”

There was a moment of silence. I could still feel tension bleeding off Christian, and I wondered whether I should push him into telling me what was wrong or whether I should wait for him to choose the right words.

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