Page 22 of Off the Pitch

“There’s something else I need to tell you,” he said. “I’m not out… not like you. I mean, Lily and Mum know, but that’s it. I haven’t told anyone else I’m gay. I’m sorry.” The way he spoke made it seem like he thought this was a surprise or like he was disappointing me. “I’m not ready, and I have too much to focus on right now.”

“It’s okay,” I said again, squeezing him in a hug. “I won’t tell anyone you don’t want me to. We can take it slow and tell people when you’re ready.”

He nodded again but said nothing. I really hoped one day he’d be ready to tell people, even if it was just his friends. But this wasn’t the time or place to push the issue, especially not when there were more interesting things we could be doing. I’d had my fill of serious conversation for the evening.

“So, are we together again then?” I asked, placing a kiss on the back of Christian’s neck and loving the way he melted into my arms. “I need to hear you say it.”

“We are.” He turned in my arms, looking up at me with the most beautiful face I’d ever seen. He was so exquisite it took my breath away.

“Good, because I really want to kiss you again.”

Christian grinned and trailed a hand up my chest.

The rest of my evening was lost to his mouth.

Chapter Ten

FOOTBALL ROYALTY

Christian King is sending Greenwich Athletic to new heights.

Is he the Premier League’s next superstar?

BBC Sport

Christian

I was not freaking out. I was not freaking out. I was not… who was I kidding? I was totally freaking out.

This was my second chance with David, something I’d always wanted in the back of my mind but never thought I’d have because I’d been too scared to reach out. But now that I’d gotten it, my brain was currently running at full pelt and bombarding me with endless reasons why this was a terrible idea. My whole life was rooted in football, every day spent pushing myself to be better than ever before, and I had no idea how to fit David into that, even though I had teammates who seemed to balance relationships and playing with ease.

I’d spent so long telling myself that I had no time for a relationship, that I couldn’t risk people finding out my sexuality and putting my career at risk. My dad had always pushed me to be the best, to have the career he’d always dreamed of but never achieved. He’d always told me that I should let nothing come between me and football, because the game was everything. Nothing else mattered.

And yet, I wanted this relationship with David as much as I wanted us to win the Champions League. I’d never even considered that it would be possible to have both, and even now I wasn’t sure how to balance them without everything imploding. I kept trying to root myself in David’s assurances that we could take it slowly, at my pace, and that he wouldn’t tell anyone I wasn’t comfortable with knowing.

And yet my brain was determined to make me miserable. It sucked.

“Christian, are you with us?” Trossero’s voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. I snapped back to attention just in time to watch Hugo retrieving a ball that he’d obviously tried to pass to me, but I’d been too wrapped up in my own head to even notice.

“Yes, sorry!” I called, rubbing my face as I tried to focus on the task in front of me. It was just a simple drill, passing the ball between us as quickly and neatly as we could, but for some reason I was struggling to focus on my feet.

“Everything okay?” Hugo asked, a soft look of concern on his face. Out of everyone on the team, he was the one I was sure would understand. But that would still mean outing myself, and the idea of doing that still terrified me.

What if he told someone else? What if he hated me? What if the whole team hated me? No, it was better not to tell anyone. I couldn’t risk them knowing, even if the rational part of my brain was yelling that they’d understand.

“Yeah, just… just getting a headache,” I lied. “Maybe I’m getting a cold.”

Trossero fixed me with a hard stare, as if he could tell I was lying. He was the best manager I’d ever had. Sure he demanded the best of us, but he was always there for us and had continually said we could talk to him about anything. Jordan had joked around and called himDadonce, and I’d never seen him laugh so hard, but in a way it was true. Trossero cared about us as people as much as he cared about results. That and we’d definitely helped him develop more than a few grey hairs.

“Do you want to go home?” he asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.” Going home would just give me time to stew, and that would be worse. The rational part of my brain was already losing ground, so I wasn’t about to hand my anxiety a sword.

“Let’s try again.” I gestured to Hugo and bounced on the balls of my feet, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand. Trossero nodded his head, but I doubted he’d forget this as quickly as I wanted him to.

I made my escape after training as fast as possible, avoiding Liam and Jordan’s cajoling to go to the arcade with them. There was only one place I really wanted to go right now.

I pulled my car up outside my mum’s house and slumped in the seat. What on earth was I doing? I was putting everything I’d worked so hard for at risk because every time I looked at David it suddenly felt like there might be something more to life than winning. I wanted to run screaming, to shut my feelings in a box and throw away the key, but at the same time I wanted to run into David’s arms and feel his lips against mine.

---