Page 252 of Off the Pitch

“I was like ten then.” I grinned and Félix groaned.

“God, you make me feel so fucking old!”

“That’s because you are old,” I teased. “You’re nearly forty.”

“And you said I’m the asshole.” Félix pushed me playfully and grinned. “God, I was older than you are now when this happened. When the fuck did I get this old?”

“You’re fine. You’re still sexy, and your dick still works.”

“You’re so charming.”

“I’m just telling the truth.” My teasing grin softened, and I interlaced my fingers with his, resting our hands on the bed between us. “Old or not, I still love you. Like, a fuck ton. You’re awesome.”

“Thanks.” He stroked his thumb over my hand. He looked thoughtful for a moment then continued. “Okay, story. So, it was New York, summer of 2007. I was twenty-five. I was doing pretty well with some investments, so I’d decided to spend the summer doing whatever and whoever the fuck I wanted.”

“Oh my God, you were such a fuckboy! You were weren’t you?”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Félix gave me a wry smile and raised an eyebrow. “Now stop interrupting. Anyway, I’d known Grayson and Lance for about a year, and they invited me to go out with them and a bunch of their friends from the studio they worked for at the time. We used to go out almost every night when they weren’t working and hit up as many bars and clubs as we could. It was… fun.” He looked wistful for a moment as if he was deep in the memories of the wild nights he’d had in his twenties. “Anyway, one night one of their friends said he wanted some advice, so I told him I had a suite at some nearby hotel, and we should go back there so we could talk. The others tagged along because they wanted to. Probably so they could keep partying or at least, keep drinking. It was about three, maybe four in the morning at that point, and we were all fucking wasted.”

“Which hotel?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Félix said, not looking at me and waving his other hand airily. I looked at him slyly, my brain turning his words over in my head and coming to the only possible conclusion.

“You’re banned from the hotel, aren’t you?” I had to hold back a laugh, which was really fucking hard. Especially because Félix looked so indignant, like he hated the fact I’d worked it out.

“Possibly.”

I snorted, the laugh escaping and shaking my shoulders. Félix glared at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you done?”

“For now.”

“You’re such a brat. Anyway, you get the picture. Six, maybe seven… no wait, eight, of us packed into my hotel suite, all very drunk and horny.” I snickered. I could totally see where this was going.

“Orgy?”

“No. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You put it there.”

Félix rolled his eyes. “Anyway, the very cute boy who had wanted the advice—I’ve forgotten his name, but I think it was Ford? Well, we decided we wanted to hook up since we were way too drunk to talk. But my bedroom had already been nabbed by Grayson and Lance, and the other guys were all making out in the living room. We, er, we decided the balcony would be a good place to fuck.” I laughed. Now I could see exactly where this was going. Félix sighed. “It gets worse.”

I resisted the urge to rub my hands together gleefully. That would probably be a little tasteless considering I was waiting to hear a story about my boyfriend getting arrested for fucking on a hotel balcony. At least, I assumed that’s what was happening.

“Both of us were still drunk, and when I started stripping off, I tripped out of my jeans… and headbutted the railing.”

“Holy shit, seriously?”

“Yes, and I got a massive nosebleed. So there I was, standing on a balcony, mostly naked and covered in blood, still completely wasted at about five in the morning in the middle of New York.” He shook his head. “Poor Ford took one look at me and screamed, then the rest of the guys came out, but they were all fucking useless. To make matters worse, we realised there was someone standing on the balcony for the next room. It was the wife of the hotel owner, and she’d heard the screaming and saw me naked and covered in blood… so she called the police.”

“I probably shouldn’t laugh.”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Félix pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just about had time to pull some boxers on before the police arrived. Technically, I was the only one who’d ‘exposed myself’ so I was the only one who got taken in. They at least let me put a t-shirt and shorts on first. I got let off with a warning, and they were kind enough to give me a couple of wet wipes to clean my nose up. When I got back to the hotel, I found myself being removed from the premises. I ended up going to stay with Lance and Grayson, which was fun. They bought me cupcakes and margaritas for ‘getting out of jail’. Never did get to give Ford that advice though.”

“So, lemme get this straight,” I said, trying not to laugh. “You got arrested for showing your dick to a woman because you tried to fuck some cute boy who wanted ‘advice’ on a balcony, but instead you headbutted the railing and got a massive fucking nosebleed, and to celebrate, your friends bought you more booze and presumably took the piss out of you for the rest of the summer?”

“Yes.”

“Eh. Kinda sounds like you deserved it. And, by the way, I love that you trying to give advice is just offering someone your dick.”

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