Page 39 of Off the Pitch

Did that mean she thought I was going to bottom?

Nope, no way was I ever going to think about how Lily had come to that conclusion. I didn’t even know myself.

True, I did occasionally enjoy playing with my hole while I jerked off, but did that automatically mean I was a bottom? Would David expect me to bottom? How did you decide these things?

I closed the article and opened another, stupidly hoping it would quiet my growing anxiety. This one was titled “Dos and Don’ts for First Time Anal Sex”.

No. Not going there.

I didn’t think it could get any worse until I went down to the kitchen and found Lily sitting at the table with a giant mug of coffee and a shark-like smile. “Chrissie, come here a moment.”

“I have to go, Lulu,” I said, desperately searching for my car keys before I ended up in a situation that was going to make me want to bleach my brain.

“You’ve got ten minutes.” There was a jangle of keys, and I turned to see her holding them and gesturing to the chair next to her. With my only escape route blocked, I sank into the chair while desperately hoping I was imagining the whole thing. “Did you get the articles I sent you?”

“Yes,” I said, pleased that I managed to keep my voice level although I could already feel my cheeks heating. No doubt I was already the colour of a strawberry.

“Good, I thought they looked helpful.”

“Mmmmm,” I hummed, examining the wall behind Lily’s head.

“I just wanted to give you these too.” There was a rustling sound, and she placed a plastic bag on the table, sliding it across to me. “I thought they might be useful, and I figured you’d be too embarrassed to buy them yourself. I bought you a selection because I wasn’t sure what you and David would like best.”

I opened the bag slightly, then closed it again, trying and failing to hide my embarrassment. There were at least three boxes of condoms in there, the bright packaging declaring ‘Love Sex’ across the top, while the bottom of each described the condoms inside. Apparently, Lily had decided that ‘Extra Thin’, ‘Tingling’, and ‘Strawberry Flavoured’ were all a good idea. I was not examining what that said about my sister, I was just going to pretend we’d never had this conversation. There was also a large bottle of expensive-looking lube tucked in next to the condoms. I wasn’t sure it was possible to die of embarrassment, but I was pretty sure that it was going to happen to me at any moment.

“Thanks,” I said, my brain kicking in enough to form a simple word.

“No worries.” There was a soft note to her voice that hadn’t been there before, and I knew that while she loved seeing me squirm, Lily was genuinely looking out for me. “I want you to have fun, but I also want you to be safe too.”

I gave her a grateful smile because she was right—I would never have thought to go and buy condoms myself. I reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze.

“Thanks, you’re a good sister.”

“I know,” she said, squeezing my hand. “One more thing.”

Oh no. Please no.

“If I were you, I’d have a sneaky practice putting one on before David arrives. It can be a bit tricky if you’ve not done it before.”

I took a deep breath, forcing down my instinct to flee. That would not help. “Duly noted,” I said, my voice making the sort of sounds I imagined were more common in mice.

Lily held out my keys and gave me a wink. “Have fun!”

I spent the rest of the morning trying to put Lily’s oh-so-helpful assistance out of my head, pouring all my thoughts into training. We had a big match tomorrow, the last of the year, and it was a home derby against our local rivals, West Ham.

Since the first half of the season had gone well, I didn’t want to screw it up and end the year on a sour note. By the time I’d finished all my sessions, my legs burned, and my heart was racing.

It had worked.

Until I unlocked my phone and saw more articles from Lily, links to some blogs that I apparentlyhadto read, and a year’s subscription to a gay porn website that my sister had lovingly described as ‘for inspiration only’. Even I wasn’t naïve enough to think that porn was in any way realistic, but apparently my twin seemed to think I had no idea about gay sex at all.

I may have been a virgin, but I wasn’t stupid.

Still, maybe the subscription would be helpful… I hadn’t exactly indulged in porn before, and maybe it would be enlightening? At least for blow job tips… and possibly for positions. And well, maybe it would be fun. Maybe David and I could watch it together and then re-enact some of our favourite bits? I was sure David would be happy to explore sex with me, and I was getting more and more on board with the idea of exploring it with him, partly because I desperately wanted to see what else was under his clothes. He’d always looked good before, but now that he’d filled out, I was pretty sure there was a body to die for underneath the jeans and t-shirts he usually wore. My favourites, though, were the shirts and jumpers he wore for teaching. Combined with his glasses, they gave him the most delicious professor look that made my insides melt.

I hurriedly shoved my phone into my pocket, praying nobody had been looking over my shoulder. I did not need Liam or Jordan asking why I was watching gay porn in the locker room.

Time to take a very quick, very cold shower.

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