Page 59 of Off the Pitch

I nodded, looking wildly at Lily and imploring her for help. I could vaguely remember Duncan, but it wasn’t much except that we hadn’t been close, and he’d stopped playing as a teenager. My heart was racing, wondering if he knew about David and me, but I’d never told anyone, and we’d kept it a secret even then. Mum’s words came back to me about that if people knew they’d have sold the story by now, and although that thought calmed me, it didn’t deal with the situation in front of me.

I’d never talked about my dad before. Ever. Even though he’d been the sole reason for my career, I’d never wanted to explore my relationship with him. I think I was scared that if I started examining my relationship with him, I might never want to play football again. After all, he’d given me my anxiety issues and struggles with perfectionism.

I’d always just told myself that it was because I wasn’t good enough. But now, being with David was making me realise that if you truly loved someone, you loved them no matter what: win, lose, or draw. Love didn’t have to be conditional.

“I’ve never talked about him for a reason,” I said, fixing Ryan with the coldest stare I could summon. “There’s nothing to talk about. Seamus Delaney had me playing football as soon as I could walk. He set me on the path I’m still on today, and I last saw him was in a closed coffin after he wrapped himself around a lamppost. I won’t go into any further details because my private life has, and always will be, private. But I will say this. Seamus Delaney was not a good man.”

There was a pause. Ryan’s face looked shocked.

“Do you want to talk more about that?” he asked, clearly shaken by the turn this had taken.

“No, I don’t,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “Next question.”

It felt good to get the words out and set the record straight. To give voice to the thoughts I’d had for years but had never admitted to. Over the years, I’d toyed with the idea of talking to someone about my relationship with my dad. Maybe that would actually be a good idea.

Ryan nodded, fumbling around with his notes as he looked for another question. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about your romantic relationships?” I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but all his vague attempt at a joke had done was sour my feelings.

“Like I said earlier, there’s nothing to talk about,” I replied, teeth slightly clenched.

After that, Ryan stayed clear of personal topics, just like I’d asked, although I did throw him a bone and spoke a little about Lily and my mum. I had to at least pretend to play nice. Otherwise, Stephan would chew my ear off. Ryan at least looked chirpier when I casually dropped my mum into conversation, and hopefully he’d be less likely to write me up as an asshole.

As soon as it was over, I grabbed my phone from Lily, desperately wanting to relay everything to David, even just to have his reassurance that I’d done the right thing. There were already another thirty-odd Whatsapp messages from the dynamic duo, who’d turned this into a full-on argument about who was right. They’d also apparently moved on from flowers to why Liam needed a new suit for his engagement party. I was siding with Jordan on that issue because Liam’s current suit was awful.

“You know,” I said to Lily, as we stepped out into the brisk sunshine of early March. “I’m not actually sure whose getting married here, Liam and Ali or Liam and Jordan.”

She laughed, shaking her head and linking her arm with mine as we began to walk towards the nearest coffee shop. “Babe, if Liam and Jordan were getting married, do you think they’d have actually gotten this far without killing each other? I mean, this is just the argument over flowers.”

“True, true… I think the cake will cause all-out war.”

“Promise me something?”

“Anything,” I said, ignoring the sinking feeling in my gut.

“If you and David get married, please make me best man. It’ll make everything so much easier.”

“Of course,” I answered, trying not to fumble over two little words. It wasn’t like it was going to happen, so why did I suddenly feel like I couldn’t breathe?

Chapter Twenty-Five

DON’T RAIN ON OUR PARADE

Greenwich on fire at home to beat Arsenal 3-0

The Sun

Christian

“Yo, Christian! You made it!” Jordan pulled me into a delighted hug as I squeezed through the crowd of people currently filling Ali’s parents’ house.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” I said, running my hand through my hair as I looked around. The whole place was packed with as many friends and family members as could be squeezed in. It was a riot of noise and colour, and the smell of delicious food was already making my mouth water.

“Do you want a drink? We’ve got a table over here since Mrs. Chana refuses to let me near her kitchen. She thinks I’m gonna eat everything before we get started,” Jordan said, gesturing to a table filled with a selection of drinks and sparkling glasses. I grabbed a glass of orange juice as Jordan quickly ran over what was going to happen, even though Liam had already told us both about a million times. It was sweet, though, to see how seriously Jordan was taking his role as best man.

Although I hadn’t quite forgotten the flower debacle.

Clutching my glass, I squeezed into the back of the living room, trying hard not to spill orange juice on anyone as I went. In the centre I could see Liam and Ali seated together on a sofa, engrossed in conversation with a couple of family members. Liam had scrubbed up well in his new pale grey suit, which Jordan and I had strongly suggested he have made because his old one had been, frankly, hideous. It also helped that he hadn’t played today because of a slight hamstring injury he’d picked up midweek, so he’d had all day to make himself look presentable. Still, he was nothing compared to Ali.

She was wearing a beautiful sari that looked like a sunset had come alive on the material, and her smile was brighter than the summer sun. I’d never seen anyone look so happy or radiant, and I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t even sure if I’d get to speak to them tonight, but just seeing how happy they looked was enough for me.

---